They say being a parent to a newborn is one of the most beautiful life experiences one can have.
But that beauty has a dark side.
Sleep is the first thing a new parent loses.
Well, at least the standard amount of hours most humans are used to.
Most parents of newborns have to learn how to navigate the sleepless nights and days.
And that is not an easy task.
Case in point…
Redditor Frosty_Care_2341 to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to go in another room so my fiancé and the baby could sleep alone?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancé ‘Jen’ (29 F[emale]) just gave birth to our daughter 2 months ago.”
“She strictly breastfeeds, so as you can imagine, she gets far less sleep than I do.”
“During the day, I help with changing or holding her, but all feedings are up to Jen (the baby outright refuses a bottle- we have tried several times, but ultimately, we are both okay with this).”
“Anyways, I’m kind of an independent start-up video game developer.”
“I did make one video game 2 years ago but it honestly wasn’t that great.”
“So while I do get revenue from it, it’s definitely not much or even a liveable wage.”
“This time around however I’m working with 4 other people and the game is turning out great.”
“I also work a 9-5.”
“But after getting home, having dinner with my fiancé, and looking after the baby for a while, I jump on and work on the game.”
“For the past 2-3 nights I have been up til 1-2 am working on the game and I have been ultra tired.”
“I snore like a maniac when I’m tired.”
“It’s super embarrassing because I truly sound like a Mack truck.”
“But yesterday the baby had her 2 months shots and she was so fussy.”
“Cried way more than normal.”
“It was super hard for my fiancé to get her to sleep.”
“I finally went to bed around 2 am, and my fiancé immediately asked me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn’t wake the baby with my snoring.”
“I said no.”
“I was so tired and the couch is not comfortable at all.”
“I had to work early.”
“I wanted to sleep.”
“She didn’t fight it but she called me a ‘f**king prick’ and walked out of the room with the baby.”
“I woke up this morning to the baby in the crib in the nursery and my fiancé asleep on the floor with no pillows/blankets.”
“She still won’t talk to me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the a**hole.
“YTA and anyone who voted you NTA because being ‘two new stressed out parents’ is also an AH.”
“Do they know what combo is required for a breastfeeding mother to keep and maintain a milk supply?”
“Sleep, not stress, proper diet, and water.”
“The man knows he snores and snores hard.”
“He willingly stayed awake to work on a video game that is NOT his primary income until 2 am KNOWING he needed to be up for his full-time primary job early in the morning.”
“HE MADE THAT CHOICE! Willingly!”
“While he KNEW his daughter got shots and was in a fussy mood, his wife struggled to get the baby down once already.”
“So he goes in the room and starts snoring and then wakes the baby, and refuses to leave when asked because ‘he’s tired’… aww boo hoo, poor you.”
“Your wife has no choice but to be up with the baby, feed the baby, etc.”
“You had a choice to go to bed early, and you chose not to.”
“That aside, are you aware of the % of accidents, baby drops, heightened risk of P[ost]p[artum] A[nxiety]/P[ost]p[artum] D[epression]that a new mother goes through when sleep deprived.” ~ BatpigMama
“Can confirm just how easy it is to drop the baby when sleep deprived.”
“By the third night of no more than 2 hours sleep if that I did accidentally drop our baby.”
“He slipped out of my arms when I was putting him down.”
“Thankfully, it was only a couple of centimeters, and he was ok, but it scared the heck out of me.”
“By the 4th night, I was hallucinating.”
“OP you can’t leave this all up to your fiancée.”
“I am managing because my husband is absolutely amazing, and we have worked out ways of sharing the night feeds, so neither of us are zombies.”
“OP you have some serious apologizing to do.”
“Your game might need to wait so you can step up and help your fiancée.” ~ NecessaryBunch6587
“Right? If you are so tired then the couch should have been fine.”
“YTA. Your wife grew a whole human and is using her body to feed it.”
“She’s exhausted, and you could have slept on the couch to help her get some much-deserved rest.” ~ MPBoomBoom22
“Right?? That’s how tired she is OP.”
“So tired that she slept on the floor with no bedding while you got to stretch out on the bed and get your much-needed rest while she and your baby had to leave the room because of your impossibly loud snoring after you came to bed at 2 am and woke her up when she’s completely exhausted.”
“And seems like she is mostly responsible for looking after your brand new 2-month-old infant during the day and during the night.”
“It is a huge responsibility especially when she is exhausted which I’ll bet beats your ‘ultra tired’ by a mile.”
“You come home from work, have dinner (I can guess who probably made the dinner), then you ‘look after the baby’ (your child) for a while and you ‘jump on the game’ to work for the rest of the night.”
“You talked about your video game venture quite a bit but where is the part where you talk about helping your fiancée, giving her more of a break than just some time after dinner (while she’s probably washing the dishes and cleaning up).”
“She probably would love time for a long bath, or maybe a foot rub or something.”
“The woman seems like she’s 24/7 on call with your daughter so she needs to grab sleep where she can because babies tend to wake up crying many times a night for many reasons.”
“They are hungry, or have a wet or dirty diaper.”
“They are lonely, feel sick, or have gas pains.”
“They are too hot or too cold, there’s too much light, too much noise, or they just wake up and can’t settle back to sleep alone.”
“It’s really really tough to know you may have to get up every hour or two and possibly even more frequently than that.”
“She needs sleep.”
“She needs to sleep in the bed.”
“If she says you are snoring too loudly, as you yourself say ‘like a Mack truck,’ and will wake the baby and prevent her from sleeping then you need to move to the couch.”
“But instead you said no because YOU were ‘so’ tired and wanted to sleep.”
“You don’t know what tired is compared to her. YTA.” ~ ColdButCool33
“OP is TA.”
“Not enough people talk about the hallucinations you have during those first months due to sleep deprivation.”
“I was E[xclusive] B[reast] F[eeding] and my husband did the nighttime diaper change (and rocking) but mostly it was all me and the boobs every 45 minutes to 3 hours for months on end.”
“Knowing you’ll keep the mom and baby up with your snoring when she’s not getting enough sleep as it is is amazingly horrible and immature.” ~ MrsMitch*itch
“My first, I was in labor for 60 plus hours, back labor and no sleep, so while he wasn’t a particularly difficult baby, he was my first and I started out severely sleep deprived.”
“I started shaking and hallucinating from sleep deprivation.”
“At one point, I hallucinated that my husband had fallen asleep with the baby on his chest and the baby was under his blankets.”
“so I ripped off the poor man’s blanket (he was also sleep deprived) and frantically demanded where the baby was.”
“Baby was sleeping safely in his bassinet.”
“I definitely feel like I and my baby were saved by my involved husband and my sister helping me, or I couldn’t have made it through.”
“New moms need all the help they can get.” ~ succedaneousone
“Yes! Although I thankfully never dropped my son, I triple-fed for 7 weeks and I was so exhausted that walking to the bathroom sounded difficult… (there’s a bathroom attached to my bedroom).”
“My husband was thankfully amazing and up at nearly every feed even after he went back to work even if just for a few minutes to make sure both baby and I had everything we could need to be comfortable and supported during that time.”
‘I offered to sleep in our guest room with the baby so my husband could get more sleep and he was upset I would even suggest that. OP YTA.”
“You made the baby together, time to take care of it together.”
“Even if she’s exclusively breastfeeding, take care of your wife so she can better take care of the baby.” ~ Swimming_Climate7696
“She’s TWO MONTHS postpartum.”
“She might still have bleeding!”
“And the baby is exclusively breastfed.”
“Meaning she’s getting 4-6 hours of sleep per day max.”
‘And that’s assuming she’s the 1% of women who get no emotional/PPD-related side effects. F**k. This. Guy.” ~ OkGazelle5400
Well, OP, Reddit has some serious issues with your actions here.
Your fiancèe needs just as much rest as you do, maybe even more.
Getting enough sleep, especially restful sleep with a newborn is never easy.
However, it is necessary for a breastfeeding mom to get as much as she can.
All you had to do was sleep on the couch.
You may want to rethink a few things regarding your attitude and behavior.
Good luck.