As wonderful of an occasion as a wedding is, they came to be surrounded by high drama.
Petty disagreements are bound to happen.
Age-old grudges can be revived.
And that’s the issues between the “happy” couple.
The real fun starts when people are chosen to be a part of the bridal party.
Who is in, who is out? And why?
Redditor bridesmaidultimatum wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to be maid of honor over a bridesmaid, causing her to get ‘fired?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“The people in this story are my best friend ‘Jane,’ her brother ‘Elliot,’ and his G[irl]F[riend] of two years, ‘Kathy.'”
“Jane is marrying her fiancé Tom in July and she asked me to be her M[aid] o[f] H[onor].”
“This was sort of expected as Jane is essentially a sister to me.”
“I was surprised, however, that she asked her brother’s girlfriend, Kathy, to be a bridesmaid.”
“Jane later confided that Kathy had kind of pressured her into it and she had done it to make Elliot happy.”
“The issue is, Kathy hates me.”
“Like seriously hates me.”
“She blames me for all the issues she has with Elliot and Jane’s parents, and for her not having a better friendship with Jane.”
“She also thinks I am trying to steal Elliot from her (I’m not) but also cannot handle whenever he and I disagree on anything and will go way overboard defending him and arguing with me.”
“I was determined to put this all aside for Jane, though.”
“This was actually not going too badly, but last weekend we went to a bridal shop to choose bridesmaid dresses.”
“Jane mentioned that she wanted me and Elliot to walk down the aisle together, and Kathy lost it.”
“She called me desperate, crazy, a pick me, a fake, fat, and a bunch of other things.”
“Looking back, I probably should have said more than I did, but at that moment I could see how everyone was looking at her, and I didn’t want them looking at me the same way.”
“So I literally just said ‘Yeah I’m not dealing with this. Either she’s out, or I am,’ and I picked my stuff up and left.”
“I apologized to Jane for the drama and offered her a long weekend of babysitting and some flowers to make up for it and she accepted so we’re ok now.”
“Because of this, Jane has said that Kathy can’t be a bridesmaid anymore because she wants me as maid of honor.”
“This has caused issues with Kathy, and Elliot by extension.”
“Both Elliot and Kathy have apologized and said Kathy will behave better for all the wedding events, but I’m not willing to budge.”
“Jane’s mother and my mother both think I should drop the ultimatum, and I don’t want to make things hard on Jane, so I’m rethinking.”
“But I know there’s other things she will try to cause issues with me over and I just don’t know how long I can keep being the bigger person with her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA for causing this drama?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You would think that Kathy would be satisfied after bullying the bride to make her a bridesmaid in the first place but, nope, you give an inch and she is now trying to take a mile.”
“OP, I say NTA but ignore your mum and Jane’s mum for now and talk to Jane directly.”
“Ask her since Katty Kathy forced her way in as a bridesmaid in the first place, what she wants to do.”
“Does she want to keep Kathy as a bridesmaid or (if you are willing) would she rather you take the hit and be the bad guy and keep the ultimatum and do your duty as MOH and protect the bride from the crazy.”
“You will be NTA forever as long as you do what Jane wants in this situation.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“You’re definitely NTA.”
“Have you ever talked to Jane about whether or not this ultimatum is causing issues for her?”
“I’d think her feelings are the only important ones here and if she’s happy with this outcome, then stand your ground.”
“But I’d want to be sure it’s not adding stress for her first.” ~ rainyhawk
“You’re NTA, but read that last sentence again.”
“Her wedding shouldn’t be about anything other than her relationship.”
“If Elliot and Kathy have apologized, and Kathy is promising to be on her best behavior, then I think you should drop the ultimatum.”
“Either she’ll stick to her word, and you come out looking gracious and forgiving, or she won’t, and she’ll come out looking like the jealous a-hole she is.”
“Right now, though, you holding an ultimatum over the bride’s head for her own wedding party isn’t a good look.” ~ Physical_Ad6875
“To be honest, I think the parents know exactly what kind of person she is and that’s why they don’t like her.”
“This incident at the bridal shop cemented that.”
“The belief that you’re trying to steal Elliot specifically sounds like insecurity.”
“If Elliot is willing to continue to let Kathy walk all over him and push her way into his family, he will be a lost cause.”
“NTA, and I hope he takes off the rose-colored glasses soon.” ~ the_greek_italian
“NTA.Sounds like Jane didn’t really want her to be her bridesmaid in the first place and you gave her an out without compromising her relationship with Elliot.”
“Don’t budge.”
“See if you can find out what Kathy’s deal is because this isn’t normal behavior.” ~ LemmePet
“Elliott’s family wants him to date OP, and then instead of pairing him with his girlfriend for the wedding, his sister pairs him with OP.”
“Maybe OP is not TA, and the GF isn’t exactly innocent either but it sounds like she might be dealing with crap from her boyfriend’s family.”
“No one should have to date someone whose family is constantly trying to get them to break up, talks about how their partner should date someone else, and then make it so the partner walks down the aisle with that person.” ~ Lipglossandletdown
“NTA. I think you handled the bridle shop situation perfectly.”
“I know weddings are about the bride and groom, but I wouldn’t sacrifice my mental health for this nonsense.”
“And Jane made the decision to keep you on.”
“It’s on her shoulders now.”
“You just need to be there to support her.”
“Also, the worst part of all this: you still probably have to sit at the same table as her at the wedding if the wedding party sits at the same table.”
“So have fun with that awkwardness.”
“But also, have fun at your best friend’s wedding, and don’t let Kathy get ya down!” ~ sharkbiscut
“She blames me for all the issues she has with Elliot and Jane’s parents, and for her not having a better friendship with Jane. She also thinks I am trying to steal Elliot from her.”
“Why? This all seems kind of suspicious.”
“She obviously behaved horribly, but I don’t understand why she hates you so much in the first place, or why she feels like you’re to blame for issues she has with this family.”
“ETA – NTA.” ~ lihzee
OP responded…
“She feels like Elliot’s dad hates her because he wanted Elliot to date me.”
“This is not true.”
“I don’t know why he doesn’t like her.”
“She apparently thinks there’s no room for her and Jane to be close because Jane ‘already has a sister.'”
“Genuinely don’t know why she thinks I’m trying to steal Elliot, we have never been close/friends.”
“I have never given any indication that I want her B[oy]F[riend], we annoy the ever-loving crap out of each other 🤷♀️.”
Reddit continued…
“The overly dramatic people can’t succeed in life because they never take personal responsibility.”
“Everything is someone’s fault, they are being unfairly treated/victimized, etc.”
“I have a family member like this.”
“It’s very sad because they believe this crap and therefore do not believe they have any power to create a better life.”
“They gave all their power away.”
“Self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“Also, if someone said ‘She’s pretty’ – who cares?”
“There are other pretty people in the world.”
“It’s ok to admit another woman is attractive and not be personally threatened.”
“Ah… but not if you believe you have no power.”
“NTA. I would have a private talk with the bride and tell her – look, if you want, I will back up on the ultimatum.”
“I still think she will cause s**t at the wedding, but if you want to stage a sit down with her and me and give us a lecture on ‘This is MY day, you can both come if you are civil and display only A+ church manners with grace to all. Promise me now.'”
“I will go along with your wishes.”
“However, I will also be the ‘bad guy’ and keep the ultimatum if that’s easier for you (and Elliot).”
“Whatever you want.” ~ Square_Band9870
“NTA. You are not, at that forcing Jane to choose.”
“One of you is her best friend, and the other bullied her way into the wedding party and then let her insecurities get the best of her.”
“While it feels like there is context missing in regards to why she hates you so much, really no context justifies her outburst at the same time.”
“If I were the bride I wouldn’t want her back… lol.” ~ Distinct-Practice131
“NTA. Seems to me Jane doesn’t want Kathy in her wedding party, and you’re fulfilling your MOH duties by providing an excuse for getting her ‘fired.'”
“Have a talk with Jane and if she really doesn’t want her there, then you can tell both your and her mother exactly that, that you’re doing your duty as her MOH.” ~ Upset_Sink_2649
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
No matter how special the event, you don’t deserve to be someone’s punching bag.
You didn’t cause the scene.
It may be time for a serious heart-to-heart with Jane.