Family vacations. They can bring out the worst in almost everyone.
This proved to be true for Redditor brothervacation.
A vacation with their daughter, brother, and his family ended up coming to an abrupt halt with a fight to follow.
The original poster (OP) took to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for validation.
They asked,
“AITA for causing a scene and leaving a free vacation over the way my daughter was being treated?”
The OP went on to tell their story.
“My brother, Nate, and his wife, Jen, invited me and my daughter, Maddie (10), to go on vacation with them and their kids, Laura (12) and Danny (9).”
“Nate and Jen are extremely well off. They both have high-paying jobs and earn around $350k between them.”
“Maddie and I are middle class. I own a small house, and Maddie goes to a private school. Maddie has a good life, but it doesn’t compare to her cousins.”
“My brother and Jen rented a house for us and paid for the rental, all of the food, and all of the activities. The only thing I paid for was gas when driving myself and Maddie to the house.”
“I also have to say Nate and I don’t get along very well, but I have a great relationship with Jen, mostly because of how they are with the kids.”
“Nate tells the kids they don’t have to be nice to anyone, never encourages them to share their toys, and doesn’t discipline his kids. Jen is the opposite.”
“She constantly tells the kids to share with their cousins and will punish them if they’re being rude to the other kids or adults.”
Here’s where the problem arose.
“Now to the vacation. They rented a 3-bedroom house.”
“Nate and Jen had the master bedroom, I had the second bedroom with a double bed, and all of the kids were going to share a room with 2 bunk beds (4 beds).”
“The first night was pretty rough. The kids brought tons of toys but refused to let Maddie play with them.”
“Jen came in and told them that before they left, she told them they’d have to share their toys, so they either share or she takes them away.”
“They were a little rude but mostly fine the rest of the night. The second night Jen went out to dinner with an old friend and Nate and I were home with the kids.”
“We were getting the kids ready for bed, and an argument broke out between the kids because Laura and Danny decided they don’t want to share with Maddie and told her to sleep on the couch.”
“I expected Nate to tell them that the bedroom was for all of the kids, but he told Maddie that she either has to sleep with me or on the couch.”
“I asked if he was serious, and he said yes, and that his kids weren’t comfortable sharing with Maddie, and since he paid for the house, he has a right to kick Maddie out of the room.”
“I told Maddie to get her bag and that if she doesn’t have a bed, we’re going home. Maybe an hour after we left, Jen came back and asked why Maddie and I left.”
“I told her what happened, and she asked me to come back and promised that she’d take care of her husband and the kids because she wants her kids to have a good relationship with their cousins.”
“I said no, and shortly after we got home, I got a call from my brother yelling at me for causing a scene, creating problems between him and his wife, and being ungrateful for a free vacation.”
“He got our parents involved, and they’re agreeing that it’s a free vacation, and I can’t be picky.”
“AITA for leaving with Maddie?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“Nate is one of those parents who wants his kids to “win” at all costs. He never figured out that the most important thing for a parent to remember is to raise decent human beings.”
“That’s what his wife is trying to do; he’s hellbent on raising a couple of a**holes. I feel sorry for Jen.”
“Your parents are dead wrong. You did the right thing. Sounds like a miserable free vacation.” – wordsmythy
“NTA. You stood up for your kid after your brother made unreasonable demands.”
‘“It’s striking that he expected you and your daughter just to take it because they paid for the vacation. Paying for a vacation is not a license to treat a child poorly.” – GamerGirlLex77
“NTA. Tbh, I don’t feel sorry for Jen.”
“I’m sure she knew what kind of man she was having kids with, but she liked him and their lifestyle together enough to go ahead with it and convince herself that her being a good parent would be enough.”
“I feel bad for the kids as well, but once they start becoming adults, they’ll lose that as they gain the responsibility to figure out how to be good people on their own.” – UnorthodoxJew27
“You can get a lot of “free” things in life. All you have to give up is your spine and your dignity.”
“Of course, NTA. But OP, please make sure your daughter knows this whole thing isn’t her fault. She sounds like a good kid, and good kids often take responsibility for more than they should.” – PopularBonus
“What Nate and the grandparents are trying to teach Maddie is that you cannot have boundaries and expect to be treated with respect when money is involved.”
“Good for OP for upholding boundaries. NTA.” – 0xB4BE
“‘I paid for your vacation, so you should be grateful for whatever crumbs I throw your way.’”
“NTA. This isn’t a vacation.” – archibookworm33
“‘I said no, and shortly after we got home, I got a call from my brother yelling at me for causing a scene, creating problems between him and his wife’”
“Nate created the situation and thus caused the scene. Your leaving was the result of his actions.”
“It follows that if your leaving caused problems between him and his wife, those are also of his own making.”
“‘He got our parents involved, and they’re agreeing that it’s a free vacation and I can’t be picky.’”
“It’s a vacation, not an indentured position. You aren’t obligated to stay and chose not to.”
“Keep being a good mom. NTA” – Encartrus
“‘being ungrateful for a free vacation’”
“BS. He was treating you poorly. I am glad you stood up for her.”
“‘He got our parents involved, and they’re agreeing that it’s a free vacation and I can’t be picky’”
“Sounds like your parents are picking those free trips they also get over your and your daughter’s welfare.”
“‘yelling at me for causing a scene, creating problems between him and his wife’”
“He did that himself.”
“NTA” – KronkLaSworda
“NTA. Your brother and your parents suck.” – MissLili415
“F*ck no NTA”
“This is your brother??”
“Gross. I would have gone too. I feel horrible for your little one. That’s atrocious behavior, and Jen should absolutely being giving her husband the business.”
“NTA, and it might be time to think about a lil time out for your bro.” – SnooOranges9679
“NTA. Your bro is a real piece of work. He very clearly feels he’s allowed to treat others like sh*t just because he’s footing the bill.”
“I think you taught Maddie a great lesson that will hopefully cause her to prioritize how people treat her in the future.”
“Good for you for having more sanity than either your bro OR your parents.”
“I hope you can have a positive relationship with them in the future – Jen seems like a gem but is fighting an uphill battle – but I’d be very protective of Maddie while around her cousins because they don’t treat her well and her parents cannot be trusted to govern them.” – owls_and_cardinals
“NTA. Your bother is not setting a good example and decided you and your daughter were not even equal to him and his kids.”
“You and your daughter do not have to accept that kind of behavior. It’s time for you to set boundaries with your brother.”
“You may lose your niblings, but with Jen, maybe not; either way, your brother has no right to treat you like this, and you need to actively prevent it from happening any more.”
“In fact, for being called out on his behavior, he blamed you for it. That’s not healthy, and you will be better off setting boundaries to keep that kind of toxicity away from you and Maddie.”
“I almost feel worse for Jen because she has no partner in her marriage, at least on the child-rearing front.”
“She will most likely lose because their father rewards bad behavior by giving in. Where you can choose to walk away, for her, it’s so much harder.”
“She wants so much for her children, and her children’s father undermines it all.” – Cfx99
A staycation is much better than any vacation with this brother.