Woman Refuses To Pay For Bachelorette Party She Help Planned After Bride Disinvites Her From Wedding Due To Chronic Illness

Disinviting a person from a wedding is a bold move.

There has got to be a ton of drama behind the reasoning.

It's especially surprising when that person is someone who has paid into all of the events surrounding the big day.

People will want their compensation.

Redditor SwissAlpaca07 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITA: I was uninvited from a wedding one week prior despite planning her bachelorette, told bride to cover my portion of the bachelorette cost?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I have a friend that I’ve known for more than 15 years who is getting married."

"We aren't best friends, but we have a lot of history."

"Her engagement lasted two years, and she got engaged twice to the same man because the first proposal was not what she hoped for."

"I had heavily advised her B[oy]F[riend] back then to get another ring and plan another proposal after he voluntarily told me about his plans and asked for advice, but he wouldn’t listen."

"I tried really hard for multiple days, but he insisted."

"She constantly complained about him and the proposal for one year, and after her second engagement to him, she shifted gears and was suddenly obsessed with him."

"Everyone had to pretend that the first engagement hadn’t happened."

"Over the years, she had complained about her boyfriend/fiancé so many times to me and had many doubts, but she never left and was suddenly acting like he was the love of her life."

"CLARIFICATION: I was there for her and always listened, but it gets to a point when your friendship is not that close."

"Right at the time of her second proposal, I got chronically ill and had to cancel several appointments (CLARIFICATION: one dress shopping and one fitting), but I always explained that."

"I made it to one dress shopping appointment, but not the second."

"She always claimed that she knows and understands my symptoms, but she does not have a chronic illness, and I suspect she actually thinks I’m lying about them and making excuses."

"I haven’t been able to work for almost a year now because of it."

"She never really checked in, asked about me, etc., so I realized I don’t need to go above and beyond with limited energy when she really doesn’t care, but I tried my best."

"Fast forward to now, I co-planned and co-paid for her bachelorette party, but couldn’t attend because of my illnesses."

"A couple of days after the bachelorette, she wrote a message saying she can’t cope with any uncertainty around her wedding, that she felt like I didn’t make enough effort, and that she has decided I will not be part of her day because of it, which is a finalized decision."

"She didn’t say anything more specific; it actually sounded like a corporate termination email overall."

"She wished me well, but she needs 'clarity' leading up to her wedding."

"I had RSVP’d in January; it is now May."

"Back in January, I received the e-invite 2 days before the RSVP deadline, so maybe she never wanted to invite me, but then chickened out."

"Our last message before her uninviting me was her wishing me a happy birthday, so it really came out of the blue."

"I was mad and told her that if she wanted to uninvite me at the last minute after not saying anything before that, she should pay for my part of the bachelorette cost."

"In addition to that, my partner had to take P[ersonal] T[ime] O[ff] because she’s getting married on a Friday, and I had to buy a dress for it because she had a specific color dress code."

"I just wanted to get some compensation after she uninvited me one week before the event."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"You're NTA, but you're never getting your money back from your high-maintenance, impossible-to-please ex-friend." ~ Dittoheadforever

"NTA, you did nothing wrong!"

"You're not going to get any compensation back from her."

"Do not expect it."

"Cut your losses now."

"Her marriage is not going to last long either."

"Maybe a year (if that)."

"She is not your friend."

"The dress you bought, you can still wear elsewhere and possibly alter it."

"Consider this a life lesson and move on, and don't waste time or energy on the vapid ex-friend." ~ Leviosapatronis

"I would go directly to the other people at the bachelorette party AND the fiancé and ask for the money first."

"See what she can get back."

"Literally lay out the situation with the receipts."

"Let the friends decide what to do."

"She probably won't get anything back from them, but then she should share the texts about her complaining about the fiancé with the fiancé."

"Specifically, the night before the wedding, around the rehearsal dinner." ~ 22Margaritas32

"NTA, but you’re never seeing that money."

"Just cut her off and walk away, so much better for your mental health." ~ commentspanda

"NTA, but you'll never see that money."

"Maybe the whole point was to get you to pay for the bachelorette and then uninvite you."

"She sounds terrible; you're better off without her in your life." ~ Great_Art2493

"NTA, you're better off than her financé as you escaped for the price of a party/dress."

"He's going to have to pay thousands for the divorce lawyer."

"He sounds desperate to put up with the bs."

"While a nice proposal and wedding is great, it's the next 40-60 years that matter and she doesn't seem to get that since it has to be perfect and needs a do over."

"Then again, neither does he, since he wouldn't listen to basic advice. My spouse and I worked together to get the day we wanted and have been a team since."

"The goal is building a life together."

"Or it should be."

"Sounds like they're better off with each other than polluting the dating pool." ~ eileen404

"Technically NTA, but to be frank, I'm surprised you wouldn't expect this kind of behaviour from your 'friend' who is obviously very shallow and appearance-driven."

"I mean, the fact that she was only 'obsessed' with her fiancé after the second proposal (which I'm reading to mean: more elaborate and expensive) is already a pretty clear indicator of what kind of person she is."

"I have to say as well, while I could understand planning a bachelorette party for your friend, I am pretty stunned that you would pay for it if you weren't able to attend... That feels like a pretty big mistake on your part." ~ Sabor117

"She is not your friend, NTA."

"Take the loss, and move on with your life, tell the truth of what happened to mutual friends if they ask."

"Don't engage or insert your ideas into the fiancé's because if he can't see what an entitled person his partner is and disregards advice on what his partner wanted, then that's on the pair of them."

"Ignore, mute, or block your 'friend' immediately."

"You will feel better for it in time."

"Think of how you feel in 1 day, then 1 week, 1 month, 1 year - the amount of F's you should be giving to this is 1 week."

"Stop apologising to her, you've already covered yourself, and if she has messaged you with confirmation that she understands and accepted your reasons for cancelling (she doesn't have to like them) then that's evidence if you need it." ~ Meals303

"I would not expect the money back, given the character."

"In some countries, you may be able to get some money back if you decide to take it this far."

"Friendship is over regardless. NTA." ~ Riyokosan

"NTA. She’s most likely not going to give that money back, so you can either go to small claims court or make sure that EVERYONE knows exactly what kind of person she is."

"People like that get away with treating people poorly due to the ones who keep quiet about it for too long." ~ CattaTronixRex

"NTA at all!!"

"You co-paid for her bachelorette trip, spent time and money on this girl to then be not only uninvited but also the email doing so was written like a dang termination letter from a boss?"

"You are not missing stuff because you’re a flaky person or you don’t want to go - you’re literally sick!"

"The not checking on you was bad enough, but then she went and uninvited you for it?"

"Absolutely not."

"Also, if she needed a whole second engagement to actually want to marry her fiancé, then there are bigger problems on the horizon for them."

"It’s tough to lose a friend, but you gotta push this girl out before it gets even messier." ~ _knksmyjhpjktjjbts

OP came back to clarify...

"I'm not a bridesmaid and was not part of the bridal party at all."

"I was invited as a regular guest 2 days before the RSVP deadline."

"I can't make it any clearer that this friendship was not close, but just had a lot of history."

"Example: she didn't know basic things about me, like what I studied, where I used to work, etc."

"The dynamic was more that she often vented to me about various topics, and most of our meetings were just to catch up."

"That should show you that we were not close or best friends."

"I guess I was asked to be involved in some activities and participate in the bachelorette planning because we've known each other for a long time."

"I didn't think it was unusual to participate in the planning process."

What a messy situation.

Reddit is with you, OP.

Your friend's behavior is out of line.

Hold out for your money.

Good Luck.