We should always be grateful when someone offers us a gift.
After all, as the saying goes, "it's the thought that counts."
Even so, we've all been in that awkward situation of being given something we truly don't like.
Leaving us to wonder what to do with it, keeping the feelings of the person who gifted it to us in mind.
Redditor Throaways-Dot2192 was recently given a gift by their daughter-in-law (DIL).
A gift that the original poster (OP) was not at all enamored with. When the OP's DIL paid a visit and couldn't find this present anywhere in their house, the OP honestly explained why.
Hurting the feelings of their DIL and enraging their son in the process.
Having some doubts about how they handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA not putting up my DILs painting in our new home and telling her that I am not a fan of her art?"
The OP explained why they did not feel compelled to display a present from their DIL in their house:
"My DIL has been married to my son for a few years, and she has a side gig of making art."
"She has a habit of giving paintings to friends and family as gifts."
"I think most people like them, but for me, I am not a huge fan of her art style."
"I am much more a nature person than someone who wants scenes with people."
"Also, when she paints people, they are stylized."
"My husband and I bought a house, and we have fully moved in."
"My DIL gave me a painting of someone sitting at the beach because she knows we like the beach."
"I don’t like it, the women in the painting looks off, her legs are too long and she is too curvy."
"I know it is her style of painting, but I just don’t like it."
"At the time I got the gift I thanked her for, and I thought that would be the end of it."
"I put the painting in the garage and kinda forgot about it."
"I bought an ocean painting for the living room."
"My DIL visited the other day because she wanted to pick up some of our old Fourth of July decorations."
"Our house is smaller now, so we are purging decorations."
"We were in the garage, and she saw her painting there."
"She was surprised and asked why it wasn’t in the house."
"I told her I didn’t have a spot to put it."
"She kept pressing and mentioned I got a new painting for her living room."
"I told her again that I don’t have a spot for it."
"She then picked up the painting and said she could help find a spot."
"I told her no."
"She asked why not, and I decided to be honest."
"I told her I am not a fan of the artwork."
"She got quiet after that, and I gave her the decoration."
"I got a call from my son, and he was mad."
"He told me I need to apologize and hang up her painting."
"That his wife has been crying, and it took her hours to make."
"I told him I’m not hanging it up, and that resulted in an argument."
"I need some opinions."
"I feel like it’s my house, I can decorate it how I want. It is 24x36, it's big."
"We downgraded our house; there is no place to put it where I won't see it every day."
"We have one bathroom, two bedrooms (one that is my office), the living room, and the kitchen."
"The basement is my husband's workshop, and he doesn't like it either."
"I seriously dislike how she does portions."
"I don't like that the waists are tiny and the buts and boobs are huge. Not my type of artwork."
"I don't like it, I don't wish to decorate my home with art I don't like and have to see every day."
"If i gave her artwork I wouldn't expect her to hang it up in her house if she didn;t like it."
"Even if I spent months on it, because it is not my home."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to hang their DIL's painting in their house.
Most not only found the reaction of the OP's DIL immature and out of line, but agreed that it was highly inappropriate to ask about why the painting wasn't on display, let alone try to hang it herself:
"NTA."
"As an artist myself, I have occasionally given pieces of art as gifts, but only things I’m pretty confident they want."
"Eg, portrait of their dog."
"Even then, if it wasn’t hanging in the house, I would never DREAM of asking why."- Commercial-Tomato205NTA
"When you give someone a gift of artwork that you made yourself, and you don't see your artwork hanging up, that should be enough of a clue."
"There isn't really a polite way to tell someone."
"~thank you for giving this to me."
"But I'd really rather you keep it, because there's no way I'm ever going to hang it up in my house~."
"She found it in the garage, you told her you did not have a place for it, and that should have been sufficient for her to get the hint."
"Continuing to insist that she herself was going to help you find a place to hang was rude and invasive."
"Why are we not okay with mothers-in-law telling daughters-in-law how to decorate, but suddenly we're okay with the daughter-in-law deciding how the mother-in-law should decorate?"
"If this person is old enough to be married, she is old enough to have the maturity to recognize that not everyone on the planet is going to enjoy her work."
"Mother-in-law wasn't rude in the least, but as soon as DIL tried overruling her and insisting on finding a place to hang it, DIL absolutely crossed a line."- KrofftSurvivor
"She has an art side gig but can’t handle the thought that her art isn’t everyone’s cup of tea?"
"Sounds odd."
"I’ve taken quite a few art classes, and I’ve always joked that everyone should because it humbles you and helps thicken your skin to criticism."
"Art is personal, as is what you display in your home."
"NTA."
"But I don’t know any professional artists who would get on like that."- username__0000
"'He told me I need to apologize and hang up her painting'."
"An apology might be warranted, but no one gets to decide what you do or do not hang up in your own home."
"NTA."- Swirlyflurry
"NTA.'
"Art is deeply personal."
"You aren't into it."
"No big deal."- Money_Delivery1863
"NTA."
"A gift should not be an obligation."
"She could have asked for input before making the painting."
"Instead, she painted what she thought you would like."
"It is okay to not display art."
"I have a rolled-up piece that my best friend gifted me."
"Like you, it is not my cup of tea, so I haven't gotten it framed."
"I'm a quilter."
"Once I gift a quilt, the recipient can do whatever they want with it."- FlippingPossum
"NTA."
'She wanted to force this confrontation by not taking the hint, so now she can take the truth and f*ck off."
"Your house isn't someone else's canvas."- deli_phone
"NTA."
"I’m an artist and find this extremely tacky from the DILs side."
"I understand wanting people to appreciate your art and gifting it."
"But once it’s out of our hands, it’s up to the recipient to decide how to use it."
"You can’t take it seriously if someone isn’t a fan of your art."
"It’s so childish and ridiculous."
"She CHOSE to gift it to you."
"Gifts with conditions aren’t gifts."
"They’re obligations and more for the giver than anyone else."- yyyyeahno
"NTA."
"Taste is taste."
"My sister is an artist and she KNOWS I’m super picky about what I want on my walls."
"Not even because of quality but just taste."
"So she doesn’t gift me art that I don’t request."- madsjchic
"NTA."
"I have painted things for people and then literally tell them 'i made it with you in mind, but please don’t feel pressured to keep it or hang it up anywhere, I wanted you to see it, but I would be equally happy hanging it in my own house and thinking of you when I see it'.”
"People have different tastes and amateur art doesn’t always fit someone’s expectations of 'things I would display in my house'."-humansandwich
One can, of course, sympathize with the OP's DIL that the OP, or anyone for that matter, didn't like their painting.
That being said, she wouldn't have had to hear that so bluntly had she simply let it go, rather than more or less forcing the OP to hang the painting in their house.
At the end of the day, though, all artists need to learn how to face criticism.
Including the OP's DIL.
