Relationships are hard work. Nobody tells you that while you're pining away for one.
Significant others drive one another crazy all the time with certain actions and behaviors.
And you have to figure out how to navigate those personality aspects that might cause everyone involved to get testy.
Case in point...
Our Redditor Naive_Clothes_4538 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for not immediately leaving work to come help my girlfriend who ran out of gas?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My girlfriend (24 F[emale]) is NOTORIOUS for driving her car on practically empty gas."
"I have no idea why she does this but according to her parents she's been doing this since she was a teenager."
"She claims she 'knows her car' and that she's never ran out of gas before."
"I'm the type of guy who fill the gas when it's less than half full so this habit stresses the f**k out of me."
"Since we moved in together about 6 months ago I try to fill it for her as often as I remember so I can keep my sanity."
"The past week I have been really busy with a project at work and have been working quite a bit overtime."
"Because of that it slipped my mind to fill her gas."
"While I was working a bit late of Friday (it was around 6:30) my girlfriend calls me practically crying, saying that her car ran out of gas and she was on the side of the road and pleaded me to come help her."
"I'll admit I was pretty angry and felt like screaming 'I told you so.' I was just not in the mood to leave my work to figure out how to deal with her so I told her I couldn't help her right now and she needed to figure out how to get out of this situation."
"She ends up calling her brother who lives 30 minutes away. He brought a gas tank and everything turned out all right for her."
"However, she's mad at me for 'the way I spoke to her' and for not helping her."
"Additionally her brother is pissed at me and keeps accusing me of being a d**k."
"He said he left a date to come help her and was mad that I couldn't 'take 30 minutes off from work.'" To help my girlfriend and if it was up to him she would leave me."
"Her brother has never been a huge fan of me so I'm not completely unsurprised by his attitude."
"I don't really think I was wrong. Work is really hectic right now, she wasn't in any immediate danger and she got herself in this situation."
"I've told her a million times about gas (and I know her parents and brother have to). AITA here?"
"I guess some additional factors: My girlfriend has A[ttention] D[eficit] H[yperactivity] D[isorder] and can be forgetful."
"However she has done a pretty good job on coming up with ways to organize her life when it comes to household chores, finances and work so I definitely feel if she actually just put in effort she would remember the gas."
Redditors had no issue sharing their thoughts on this matter by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors felt our OP was NOT the AH.
Let's hear your thoughts...
"NTA. Running out of gas was entirely her own fault and something that was bound to happen to her sooner or later."
"To paraphrase a common saying, 'Lack of planning on her part did not constitute an emergency on yours.'"
"Hopefully she has learned an important lesson from this and will take steps to prevent it from happening again."
"If she doesn't stop blaming you for a problem she created, you should re-evaluate being with her at all." ~ vodka_philosophy
"Agree 100% with this. It wasn't his fault and it sounds like he is doing more than he should anyways by filling up her car for her when he sees it needs it."
"This should be a good lesson to her and hopefully she learned it."
"She shouldn't rely on people to bail her out not everyone can drop things in the middle of the day to help people." ~ SufficientPick7252
"NTA. OP if you are in the US you can sign her up, or tell her to sign up, for AAA for $46.08, possibly a little more, for a year which in addition to towing services will deliver fuel."
"I think up to 2 gallons but at least, which should be enough to get her to a gas station."
"Also it's possible her insurance could have an add on for a few dollars as well, I know Progressive offers."
"https://northeast.aaa.com/membership/join/". ~ Acceptable_Day6086
"Hi, I have severe ADHD and unfortunately that is not a f**king valid excuse I have been driving for 13 years and not once has my car run out of gas because I had remembered to f**king fill it."
"Have I gotten to where the gas light was on yes was I stressed about making it to a gas station also yes but AHDH is not an excuse." ~ Khalee_Hellcat
"NTA, but I'm afraid the GF is going to take the wrong lesson from this."
"She is not going to see this as the natural consequence of her poor planning; she is going to see this as her BF being a d**k and not helping her when she (felt that she) needed him." ~ Aether-Wind
"NTA - in this situation, even if I COULD leave work, I probably wouldn't."
"She can Uber to a gas station, get a tank, and bring it back to her car."
"This is totally a "I told you so" moment. Hope she learned her lesson." ~ Cocohamster
"NTA. Nobody forced her brother to interrupt his plans for her, either."
"In fact, maybe if enough people just let her actually figure out how to handle the problem she created, it'll finally get through to her that she shouldn't be going out of her way to put herself in a situation where she might need that kind of emergency help."
"And take measures on her own to make sure it doesn't happen again." ~ mm172NTA
"People using ADHD as an excuse for being irresponsible is getting old."
"When her gas tank is low I'm sure her car reminds her that she needs to go to the gas station."
"This is 100% on her and her brother should have let her figure it out too."
"The only way I would say you'd be the AH in this situation is if she was somewhere that she was in danger."
"Aside from that, she needs to act like the adult she is and get her s**t together." ~ spdaroch
First, what have we learned?
Always check the gas tank. In this day and age gas is a hot commodity whenever you can get it.
Hopefully our OP and his lady can keep running on full from here.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.