A wedding is meant to be a special, once-in-a-lifetime experience, filled with other, small, also-once-in-a-lifetime moments.
One of the biggest ones for the bride is arguably walking down the aisle while seeing her future spouse waiting for her, and it's impossible to replace that moment if it gets tarnished, argued the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor opshs28 recently got married, and while the celebration was beautiful, and the pair enjoyed spending time together with the people they loved, she could not shake the feeling of what her parents did when she was about to walk down the aisle.
Just moments before walking down the aisle, the Original Poster (OP) was pressured to talk her young cousin with her, because she really wanted to be included, and her desires were put before the bride's.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by being upset that my parents added my cousin to my walk down the aisle?"
The OP felt conflicted about what happened when she was about to walk down the aisle.
"I (27 Female) and my husband (27 Male) just got married yesterday."
"I’m really struggling to get over something that happened right before I walked down the aisle, and I need an outside perspective."
The OP was pressured to share the spotlight with her young cousin.
"About two minutes before I was supposed to walk, my parents told me that my nine-year-old cousin would be joining us."
"I was shocked and immediately said no. I wanted that moment to be just me, my mom, and my dad. It felt really special and personal to me, and I did not want my cousin included."
"My parents brushed it off and told me it was 'not a big deal' and said I was being a bridezilla."
"They also kept saying this was what my aunt wanted and that her feelings would be hurt if I said no."
The OP put her family's desires before her own.
"At that point, I was already overwhelmed and emotional, and I didn’t want to cause a scene or ruin the moment, so I forced myself to smile and walked down the aisle with my parents while my cousin walked behind us."
"I tried really hard not to let it ruin my wedding. During the reception, I danced, had fun, and stayed positive."
"But now, the day after, I keep replaying that moment in my head."
"Instead of being fully present, I was stressed, upset, and distracted during one of the most important moments of my life."
"I feel like something very special was taken from me."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some pointed out that this should have totally been the OP's choice, not something she was pressured to do.
"NOR. Ultimately, that wasn't their call to make. It's your wedding, you said no, and they should have respected your decision. It was only 'not a big deal' to them." - Korova91
"I really don't like how they're trying to hide behind what they've deemed as 'no big deal.' They've been married for how long, and the mom is probably partial to that cousin, so of COURSE it was no big deal to them."
"But what about these?"
"'No mom, I didn't get you anything for Mother's Day, it's not a big deal.'"
"'No we're not visiting for Christmas, it's not a big deal.'"
"'No, you don't get to meet your grandkids, it's not a big deal.'"
"I’m not a fan of weaponizing things like this, but some people need to be hit between the eyes before they realize they were out of line." - Martin_Aurelius
"NOR. That was your moment, and it was taken from you. It was not their place to include your cousin, regardless of anyone's wishes." - jacks-unendinglament
"What the F**K was the purpose of that, other than taking attention away from the bride?! NOR." - redditlurker1981
"So bizarre! The cousin probably looked like a guest who got up to pee and was walking back to their seat at the wrong time."
"I am sorry, OP! Glad it didn't ruin your day in the moment, but I'd be upset about it, too." - anongirl55
"What in the holy hell??? If you plan to have children, be prepared to set strong boundaries and stick to them. Honestly, it does not even make sense why anyone would have thought to do this, much less thought it was okay."
"Like, what even was the purpose of the cousin walking behind you? ( Like what was it supposed to represent?) If your aunt wanted them included, she should have told you months ago that she wanted them to be a flower girl, a junior bridesmaid, or a junior groomsmen. This sounds really strange to spring it on you like that just before you walk." - AffectionateBand2709
Forget creating a scene or causing embarrassment; others stated that they would not stay quiet about this.
"I'd be posting about this all over Facebook. They ruined your day. Everybody should hear about it so it will not happen again."
"They stole your moment. I can see why you're mad. How incredibly rude and arrogant."
"Definitely, take some significant life events and turn it around on them. That's the only way people like this get the hint."
"Me personally, I'm very petty.... the whole wedding would have stopped. I would have just turned around and looked at them square in the face, not said anything until the cousin went and sat down."
"If they say something about it, say, well, you can leave, or you can do what I say. Controlling a** hats don't have a say it's your day." - Teddybearsinchaos
"NORRRRRRR, I’m p**sed for you." - steveyrayy
"I'm sure other people in the crowd thought it was a little off to see someone else's child behind the bride. It'd be one thing if this were the child of a first marriage and one of the parents had died, i.e., someone special to the bride, but it doesn't sound like this was the case."
"It's *just like* something my mom with strong narcissistic personality disorder traits would do, putting her sister's feelings above mine at my actual wedding, she has a horrifically enmeshed relationship with her birth family." - toodleoo57
"NOR. I would take some space from your family for a while. They are not going to respond well to a confrontation, and they are not going to apologize. Try to enjoy your married life and give yourself time to cool off until you are ready." - Ok_Drink8072
"Do not let a SOUL tell you that you’re overreacting. Not even a sibling… a COUSIN down the AISLE at your WEDDING!"
"You need to have a firm talk with your parents; that is absolutely ridiculous. It’s not about being a bridezilla, it’s that you get ONE day in your entire life that is about you and your person. Nobody else. Just what you two want. Not the parents!" - Original_Pea_5353
"NOR at all. That was a terrible position for them to put you in. But now it has passed, and you had a great wedding regardless."
"Now is the time to reflect (as it seems you are doing) and change what happens going forward."
"Tell your parents how what she did hurt you, and include her less in your life going forward, around big events/ones you have expectations for. They clearly don’t care about your feelings, so you need to stand up for yourself and make sure they can’t do it to your future. This is your life, and you deserve your events to go how you would like." - PerpetuallySticky
After receiving feedback, the OP had an update that she wasn't sure what to do with.
"I spoke to my parents today and told them I was hurt that, on my wedding day, someone else’s wants were put above mine."
"They apologized and said they didn’t think I would mind."
"They also said they were very nervous about walking me down the aisle and didn’t really notice how upsetting it was in the moment."
"They kept saying it 'wasn’t noticeable' and that the wedding was amazing overall, but they also blamed me for not being the one to tell my cousin to leave."
"I told them that what upset me most was that they put that pressure on me right before I walked down the aisle, and that they were still making excuses instead of fully taking responsibility."
"I said I need some time to think."
"They asked me what I wanted and how we could move forward."
"I told them that I’m going to have other important life events, and I need to know that during those moments, I will be seen, prioritized, and allowed to be the focus."
"They apologized again and said they agreed."
"So it was this strange mix of apology and excuses. I’m still not sure how to move forward from here."
While the OP followed everyone's advice and was honest with her parents about how hurt she was by what they did and how she felt others' priorities were put before her own, their mix of half-apologies and excuses left a lot to be desired for hope about how future events will go.
If the OP wanted future events involving her to go more smoothly, she would likely need to plan to either have her husband by her side or go it alone, rather than having her parents with her and whoever else they decided to invite along.
