in , ,

Bride Irate After Groom’s Cousin Changes Out Of Heirloom Suit Between Ceremony And Reception

man adjusts suit lapels
Bryan Miguel/Getty Images

A “bespoke suit” is a custom-made garment created from scratch to fit an individual’s exact specifications. Once common, bespoke garments became rare after advancements in clothing manufacturing allowed for off the rack clothing.

A young man lucky enough to own a bespoke woolen suit turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a kerfuffle with the bride at his cousin’s wedding.

MonkeySuitThrowAway asked:

“AITA for swapping suits between the wedding ceremony and reception?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“So, a few years ago when my grandfather passed, I inherited his pinstripe suit and vest, and only because I’m the only one who matched his build and height. It’s a bespoke Connolly he had made nearly thirty five years ago and it still looks brand new and stylish today.”

“I’m not going to the effort of wearing it to show what it looks like, but here it is with the tags showing it’s 100% virgin wool and is in fact made by Connolly’s.”

bespoke brown pinstripe suit
MonkeySuitThrowAway/Reddit

“I have no idea how much it is worth exactly, I just know it is probably at least one order of magnitude more expensive than any other clothing I own, probably to the tune of mid to high four figures. Like seriously, take a look at Connolly’s prices for casual wear and you will dump a brick.”

“Like, even if I had the cash to replace it, its literally one of a kind. And trust me, I don’t have the kind of money to dump $5k+ to replace it.”

“Only reason I got it was because I’m the only one on grandpa’s side it fits. If anyone else had taken it they either would have ripped it or gone swimming in it. To make it fit anyone else properly it would have required a LOT of work.”

“My grandfather and I were almost 1:1 in terms of body proportion. It’s a tiny bit tight at the shoulders and a touch loose at the waist, and the pants had to be hemmed 1/2″, but otherwise it felt like it was made for me.”

“Even taking the time to get an off-the-rack suit properly tailored is a game changer.”

“So I’ve got a rule: It’s ceremonial. I wear it to look awesome at a wedding ceremony or funeral, for pictures, and basically any event where I have to do nothing but walk, smile, and where there is no food or where dancing and merrymaking might ruin it.”

“I’ve got another pinstripe suit I paid maybe $300 for that is tailored as well, but it makes me look like a Wish-dot-com version of myself compared to when I’m wearing the real deal. It’s literally designed to be a duplicate of my grandfather’s suit.”

“Very similar color and pinstriping, etc, except it’s an off-the-rack suit I had tailored to my size that’s not made of virgin wool. Pretty sure it’s not even wool. I literally just bought a close-enough looking suit at a Moore’s or something and had a seamstress friend tailor it for me for $100. Pretty sure it’s one of those blends which is mostly polyester.”

“So last weekend I was at a wedding for my cousin. As usual, I showed up in the blingsuit for the ceremony and wedding photos, and when we went from the ceremomy to the reception, I did the swap because it was a buffet with an open bar and dance floor.”

“The suit I swapped it for is close enough that with the sleeves pushed back to my elbows and my jacket unbuttoned with a loose tie and a couple top shirt buttons undone, half the people I interacted with didn’t notice.”

“Cousin’s new wife didn’t notice for the first hour, then when she did she went full Bridezilla and demanded I change back into my proper suit so I wouldn’t look bad in the background of her reception photos.”

“I refused, and she told me she’d kick me out if I didn’t change.”

“I told her I’m not ruining a suit more expensive than her wedding dress to look nice in the background of a few selfies and dipped, and now that part of the family has been blowing up my phone for ruining the wedding.”

“AITA?”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I caused a major issue with my cousin’s new bride by refusing to wear my good suit at the reception, and now that side of the family is calling me an a**hole for it.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“I’m having a hard time figuring out how somebody’s cousin leaving early ruins a wedding‽‽”

“Ask every single person who complains that you ruined the wedding if they thought you were the groom, and point out it’s really weird that the bride is obsessing over the fact that you left early…” ~ KrofftSurvivor

“OK, at first I thought you were gonna say you changed them between your wedding ceremony and reception without talking to your wife about it, in which case I might’ve said you were the a**hole.”

“But you were a guest? No. You are there to celebrate your cousin and his new wife, not to be props in her wedding photos.”

“Unless the suit you changed into was actually ridiculous in how it fit or looked—like if it was some kind of costumey-looking suit, which I doubt—absolutely NTA.”

“I mean, I’m assuming the loose tie and undone buttons weren’t inappropriate, since she was upset that you changed suits, not that you looked sloppy in general or something.”

“I don’t know how close you are to your cousin or his new wife, but I’m guessing this wasn’t some weird thing where you cleared the first suit ahead of time for some reason, right?”

“So if you’d worn the second suit to the entire wedding, surely the bride would not have cared one bit about how it looked in the reception photos because she didn’t know the first suit existed.”

“If people harassed me about this, the Petty Crocker side of me would want to ask why the bride was so deeply attached to your attire.”

“Why is the bride so entranced with how YOU looked at the ceremony that it distracted her from marrying the love of her life, and so into how you looked in the first suit that it ‘ruined’ her wedding when you changed clothes and didn’t look as ‘good’ to her?”

“Like, I would be sorely tempted to go full-on Regina George ‘why is she so obsessed with me?’ on them. I don’t recommend that approach unless you enjoy being an agent of chaos, mind…” ~ oliviamrow

“NTA. It’s common for women to change under the same circumstances- for comfort and to prevent damage to delicate formal wear, why shouldn’t you?”

“I am really, really sorry for the bride, though. It’s sad that she was not enjoying her wedding.”

“I have to assume that that’s the case because if she were as caught up in her new husband, her own happiness and the joy of the occasion as every bride dreams of,she wouldn’t have been looking around for petty bullsh*t to criticize.” ~ rapt2right

“Other than the wedding party, I have no idea whatsoever about what guests were wearing at my wedding, much less whether anyone changed clothes. OP is NTA, of course.” ~ WhimsicalHoneybadger

“NTA. Most folks change outfits between ceremony and reception. I love that you have been able to honour your grandfather in this way. That rule makes total sense to protect it for future generations.”

“Cousin’s new wife sounds like she’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic. If family are blowing up over that, that’s a few less off your Christmas card list then.” ~ Cracker_Bites

“I had never heard of Connolly suits so I looked them up. Their ready-to-wear suits sell for over $3,000 so I would be scared to even guess what a bespoke suit would cost.”

“Your concern about taking care of yours is well placed.”

“The bride was presumably stressed out but her behaviour was unacceptable. Changing into another suit would not have ruined the photos; if anything her behavior ruined her day.” ~ UnluckyHospital8262

“NTA. If she chose to let a guest’s wedding-appropriate attire ruin her wedding, that’s on her. There’s no reason it needed to be a big deal.”

“Even if she was bothered, which feels unreasonable, she could have focused on the love of her life, her family, her special day. Not your fault she didn’t.” ~ Ambystomatigrinum

“How the hell can she be so invested in the suit of one wedding guest when she just got married? A $300 dollar tailored suit is plenty appropriate for a reception. NTA.” ~ Treeclimber3

“NTA. I think it’s really sweet that you considered their wedding ceremony a worthy enough occasion to wear a suit too nice to wear to the party afterwards.”

“You wore it knowing that it would take extra effort to change out of it. I think that’s a real compliment to your family, and I’m sorry they don’t see it that way.” ~ reredd1tt1n

“NTA. Simple answer. You wore the bespoke suit when it mattered most, for the wedding and the photos done immediately after.”

“There are plenty of brides who wear the fancy gown for their wedding and photos and CHANGE into a different dress/gown for dinner and dancing. This is no different.”

“OP changed into a $300 suit for dinner and dancing, certainly no slouch. There is no rule that says he has to stay in the $5k+ suit after the wedding and photos.”

“THE BRIDE IS A SNOB if she threw a fit over it. Frankly, it’s none of her business.”

“OP wasn’t ruining an inheritance just for the bride’s ego.” ~ AgateCatCreations076

Reddit found the OP’s logic sound.

The heirloom suit was used for the ceremony. But keeping it on during a buffet reception with dancing was unreasonable.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.