Parents tend to only want what's best for their child.
Some believe this is giving their child anything they want, or anything that makes them happy,
Others believe this might mean forcing things upon them that they know, deep down, won't make them happy.
On some rare occasions, they might rely on other friends or family members to improve their situation.
Even if these friends and family members aren't always amenable to helping out.
Redditor FinestTreesInDa7Seas recently moved abroad, and welcomed their entire family to pay a visit.
One cousin of the original poster (OP), however, took that invitation a bit too literally, seeing this as an amazing opportunity for her son.
An opportunity the OP was less than eager to help provide.
After being called "selfish" by their cousin, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for refusing to let my cousin send her son to come live with me so that he can attend a private school in my city?"
The OP explained why they were not on board to help broaden their nephew's horizons:
"I moved from Canada to France last year, and I have an open invitation to all my adult relatives to come stay with me here in Paris any time."
"Three of my cousins came and spent a week recently."
"While they were here, one of my cousins told me that her 13 year old son wants to attend a private school here in Paris, and she suggested that it would be very convenient if he could live with me (which I assume would involve me being his legal guardian, and full time parent for several years)."
"Trying to be polite about it, I told her that it wouldn't be possible, because I travel a fair amount, so I'm not home very much."
"We didn't get much further into it, but it seemed to me like I had thwarted this idea completely."
"I probably could have been more direct with my answer, but she was asking in a very indecisive way, and she basically hinting that this was an idea."
"Some time after her visit, I chatted with her son for a few seconds in a family Facetime call at Christmas, and I asked him why he didn't come visit with his mom, and he said 'I don't want to go to Europe'."
"So it was pretty clear that he doesn't want to go to school here, and his mom is just trying to get rid of him."
"Yesterday she called me to talk about the idea more."
"I immediately apologized for not being more clear when we talked about it when she was here visiting, and the answer was a hard no."
"I told her that it would absolutely not work."
"I travel a fair amount, I have frequent guests (including romantic partners), I smoke weed, and I'm out of the house quite a bit."
"I told her that this isn't a good environment for a 13 year old, and I also told her in no unclear terms, I don't want him here."
"I'm single, I have no kids of my own, and I'm not giving up several years of my life to babysit her son through secondary school."
"She got really upset, and called me selfish for not wanting to help her out."
'At that point I really let her have it, and told her that I question her parenting skills to actually want to put her son in this kind of environment, and I told her that it really seems like she's trying to get rid of him, because he told me that he doesn't want to be here."
"We hung up in clearly bad terms, and I'm pretty sure she's recruiting a bunch of family members to get on her side."
"So I'm preparing to have to call up a few relatives to share the facts, which are clearly going to portray her as a terrible mother."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was well within their rights to forbid her nephew from moving in with her to attend private school in Paris.
Everyone agreed that the OP's cousin was truly imposing on them, with many pointing out that she mentioned nothing about covering her son's living expenses while he was living with the OP:
"No, your NTA."
"I think this is fairly obvious."
"It's your house, and you shouldn't have to change your lifestyle for a teenager to go to private school."- EmployIllustrious275
"NTA."
"Her request is insane."
"I don't think it should require a big explanation from you as to why her proposal is completely inappropriate, but if your other relatives are as dense as hers, you may have to.'
"Also, time to rescind that 'open invitation'."- JeepersCreepers74
"NTA."
"On top of you not wanting to be the guardian of a child, your cousin also hasn't mentioned a damn thing about paying for her son's food, housing, utilities, clothes, tuition, health insurance, and medical expenses."
"It definitely feels like she's trying to dump her kid so she can shove her responsibilities on you."
"Not your kid, not your problem."- teresajs
"I don't get the feeling you're asking this in earnest, but no, NTA."
"I doubt she'll be able to recruit many people to berate you when you're a single person who spends like half the year in Thailand and she has no pressing reason to send him to an international school."- shyfidelity
"NTA."
"I'd let the family know that you never indicated you were open for adoption."
"Unless he's going to be attending some kind of boarding school or has a native family to sponsor him, he needs a parent to be with him."- Impressive-End241
"'She got really upset, and called me selfish for not wanting to help her out'."
"L’Audace !"- Turbulent_Guest402
"What in the ever living."
"OBVIOUSLY NTA."
"I would have handled it EXACTLY like you have because every word you said to your cousin applies to me as well."
"If she wants her kid to go to a certain school that has absolutely nothing to do with you."
"This is laughable and ridiculous."
"To expect a cousin who is child-free to house and raise your child for years is bananas to me."
"Tell your WHOLE FAMILY YOURSELF."
"Mass text: 'You may have heard that "cousin" wants her son to go to 'school' in Paris and expects me to allow him to live with me full time, even though I’ve told her I don’t have children, I travel often, and my home is not a healthy environment for a child."
"'Cousin' tried to insist I do so EVEN AFTER I informed her that my lifestyle does not allow for a full-time child."
"'While I sympathize with "cousin" wanting her son to go to that school, it’s not my responsibility to uproot my life because of her wants'."
"'I appreciate your understanding in advance, it’s been brought to my attention that "cousin" was speaking to some of you about this so I’m reaching out so everyone has clarity and is on the same page!''- CoffeeIcedBlack
"I’m wondering if the kid hadn’t wanted to go to Europe because he was afraid he was going to be dropped off."
"I’m sure he knows what she’s up to."
"He may be living with insecurity and fear."
"He certainly isn’t living with a loving mother."
"I hope other relatives can keep an eye on him and—although it would be taking on a responsibility—mentor him through what he’s going through."
"He may need a lifeline or two as well as a relative who cares."- BKacy
"There are plenty of boarding schools she can look at, she just doesn't want to pay for the boarding part."- z-eldapin
The OP later returned with an update, sharing the aftermath of contacting the rest of their family about this situation:
"Luckily, this kind of BS doesn't work in my family, and nobody is on her side."
"I talked to my Aunt on the phone, and she's trying to talk my cousin down from this severe lack of judgment."
Many parents are probably intrigued by the notion of sending their children to an international private school.
What, however, stops most parents from following through with it is practicality.
Something the OP's cousin might have considered had she stopped and taken a moment to think, rather than pushed the idea on the OP right away.
Perhaps after hearing the negative feedback from the rest of her family, she will finally come to her senses.
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