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Dad Sparks Drama By Refusing To Use His Kids’ Private School Fund To Pay For His Sister’s College Tuition

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A lot of us have had to overcome something difficult in our lives, like moving to a new place or getting a loan.

But what’s even more difficult is dealing with someone who doesn’t want to do the same work we did.

One guy recently went through something similar to this, but instead of wanting knowledge, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, someone he knew wanted money.

Redditor Medium-Attitude4865 firmly put his foot down about it, but he received pushback.

So much so, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was in the wrong for his reluctance.

He asked the sub: 

“AITA for not tapping into my kids’ private high school money to help pay for my sister’s college tuition?” 

The OP had to figure his college experience out for himself. 

“I come from a poor family and had to work hard to put myself through college and get into a good law school.”

“My parents had my sister (18[Female]) much later than me (32[Male]) but we still have a good relationship and I’m happy to see her during the holidays.”

He wants something different for his three children.

“My wife and I both want our three kids, who are all in elementary school, to go to a good private school in our area for high school.”

“It costs approx. 10k a year so we’ve started saving up for it early and have about 50k in it now.”

Now his parents want something different for his sister, too.

“My parents called me recently and said my sister really wanted to go to a state college but with room and board and everything, it was almost 30k a year.”

“They asked if I could help cover some of her tuition since we already had money saved away for it.”

This caused a family feud. 

“My wife and I said absolutely not and my sister and my parents have been angry at us over it.”

“I told them my sister could just take out loans like everyone else or go to [community college], but they think college tuition is more important than private high school tuition.”

“I love my sister but my kids will always come first to me. AITA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said it wasn’t the OP’s responsibility to pay his sister’s way. 

“It would be nice if OP could help his sister, but it should not be expected or demanded. Standing up for your kids is the right thing to do.”

“They are your responsibility, just as your sister should be your parents’. Don’t allow them to make you take a trip on the guilt express. NTA.”Anonymotron42

“NTA. Take care of your own children, always. Your parents knew they had a child, it wasn’t a surprise when she grew up and wanted to go to college. Your parents should have already been working with your sister/their daughter for YEARS now about college expenses and expectations.”NCKALA

“‘They asked if I could help cover some of her tuition since we already had money saved away for it.'”

“No, you don’t have money saved for that.”

“You have money saved for your kids because as a parent you realized that your children needed financial support for their education.”

“I understand that parents are poor but they should have had that conversation with you in the earlies, not when she’s just about to go off to uni. The sister should also have been working and saving for herself, as she would see first hand that her parents don’t have the money to support her. NTA.”Unlucky-Profession41

“Yeah, OP tell them they could use their retirement fund for the sister’s tuition. Since they already saved for it.”risfun

“NTA”

“Your children and their education is your first and biggest priority. Your parents have no saying is how you and your wife use your money.”

“Your sister’s education is your parents’ responsibility, not yours, and if they cannot pay her college, then she goes to cheaper college or takes out student loans. Like everyone else. She will live.”fruitynutcase

“NTA: It’s mind-boggling how your parents and sister feel that they’re entitled to YOUR money! Don’t even continue to engage with them on this. No is a complete sentence. Hanging up the phone or not responding to texts are good ways to reinforce that.”NorthernLitUp

“NTA. This is easy. You don’t need to give anyone anything. You worked hard for your position in life & so can she. By saving for your children’s future education, you are breaking the cycle your parents started.”Threehoundmumma

Others pointed out the parents were fine with one kid putting himself through college.

“Especially since it sounds like they were fine with op paying his own way through college!”

“NTA”OwnBrother2559

“I came down here to mention this!”

“‘I come from a poor family and had to work hard to put myself through college and get into a good law school.'”

“I don’t get why they’d want to pay for one child’s tuition and not the other child’s.”

“NTA”mintyquaintchair2

“Ah, but they wouldn’t be paying for her tuition, her brother would. It’s very easy to be generous with other people’s money.”

“NTA.”Dogismygod

Some also suggested avoiding financial conversations in the future.

“NTA. Help yourself here to avoid future discord. The only way your parents would know that you’ve saved $50k for your kids’ school tuition is if you told them.”

“Stop telling them these financial details. They obviously don’t agree with you on appropriate financial boundaries, so remove temptation by not dangling this carrot.”

“IOW (in other words), if you don’t want your family to try to access your money, don’t tempt them by telling them about the money in the first place. Start the boundary by not oversharing your personal financial situation.”milee30

“My family was very much like this. You couldn’t have anything without being expected to share everything. I just tell everyone I’m deeply in cc debt so they don’t constantly ask me for money for every flat tire and personal emergency.”AilenAGalathynius

The Reddit community seems to be in agreement. Since it’s his money, it’s the Redditor’s business to do with it what he likes. Since he found a way through college on his own, maybe his sister can, too.

McKenzie Lynn Tozan

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.