First-time parents find themselves counting the days until their little bundle of joy arrives.
Of course, ahead of the baby's arrival, they also need to make preparations.
Specifically, buying all the necessary items that come with having a baby, including clothes, toys, a crib, and a stroller, to name a few.
Of course, many parents needn't worry too much about buying all these things themselves, as that's one of the reasons baby showers and registries exist.
Redditor Vegetable-Exam3462 was expecting her first child, and her sister wanted to throw her a baby shower.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)'s sister was giving the OP a very hard time when it came to her registry, which greatly frustrated the OP
So much so that the OP wanted to cancel her baby shower entirely.
Wondering if she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for telling my sister to cancel my baby shower?"
The OP explained why she wanted to cancel her baby shower:
"I (36 F[emale]) am the second daughter in my family."
"I grew up on my sister’s (Meg) hand-me-downs, and never got to express my own identity until I was 15 and got my first job so I could finally go shopping for myself."
"My mom and Meg are very girly and trendy (nothing wrong with that, just not for me), and I always felt uncomfortable in their clothes, especially because they didn’t always fit right."
"My mom was upset when I stopped accepting hand-me-downs and would just ignore me any time I brought home something I loved."
"I am currently pregnant with my first, a daughter."
"Meg already has 2 sons, and has kindly offered to throw me a baby shower."
"She wanted to help me with my registry, which I accepted since she’s been through this already, but when we started looking at my registry, she kept saying things like 'you don’t need to register for that, you’ll just take ours!' and 'don’t put that on the registry, we’re giving you [son’s]'."
"She said this for almost everything, including things like the changing pad and crib sheets."
"Finally, I said I don’t know why she wants to throw me a baby shower if I can’t even register for any gifts, and she should just cancel it."
"Meg got really offended and said I don’t appreciate what she’s doing for me."
"She accused me of thinking I’m too good for her son’s things, and said I need to grow up and realize I can’t have everything my way, which I thought was kind of hypocritical."
"I don’t mind getting some hand-me-downs, but she wants to box up EVERYTHING, including things like clothes, books, and toys for me to take."
"She has all traditionally 'boy' things: blue with baseballs, books about trucks, and SO. MANY. DINOSAURS!"
"She wanted me to take all of that off my own registry (I registered for a lot of things with rainbows, florals, and little animals on them) and instead only take her hand-me-downs, because she said other people shouldn’t have to buy things I could get for free."
"I understand that girls can (and do!) like those things, but I want my daughter to be able to find her own identity without being pushed into someone else's, like I was."
"I’m actually planning to get a mix of everything, yes, dolls and flowers, but also cars and things like that."
"At this point, it’s not even about the registry; I don’t care about people buying gifts."
"I’m having a lot of fun picking out and buying things for my daughter, and we can afford it."
"My mom is on Meg’s side and said I should just take the hand-me-downs and be grateful, which I heard a lot as a kid!"
"She said she won’t buy anything for my daughter, since she already spent the money on my nephews and doesn’t want to spend it twice."
"My husband is, of course, on my side, and even said we can throw our own baby shower without the registry just to celebrate with our friends."
"I know Meg was trying to be nice by throwing the baby shower, but I’m really upset about the idea of my child not being able to be herself because of hand-me-downs."
"I never said I wouldn't take ANY hand-me-downs."
"I actually have some lined up from friends who are being super generous and allowing me to only take what I want/need."
"The issue with accepting Meg's hand-me-downs is that for her, it's very all or nothing."
"If I try to tell her I don't want something, she gets upset and continually asks what's wrong with it until I just give in."
"I'd rather the 'nothing' over the 'all'."
"Also, Meg lives in a 5-bed house with a basement, and I'm in a 3-bed apartment in the city."
"She has a LOT of stuff."
"It's not worth it to me to try to find places to store all the extras and backups from Meg's things."
"Taking the hand-me-downs and donating would honestly be the most useful, but again, would end up causing more drama than it's worth."
"AITA for telling her to cancel the party?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for wanting to cancel her baby shower.
Everyone agreed that the OP's sister was not throwing a baby shower for the OP, but for her, and after years of living in her sister's shadow, the OP's baby deserved some new items off a registry:
"NTA at all."
"It sounds like they quite literally don't really know you or care to."
"You don't fit their mold, therefore you're a brat."- Leek-Middle
"NTA."
"I'm sorry, your mother isn't buying her first granddaughter ANYTHING?!"
"F*ck that, then she doesn't get to meet her granddaughter."- Chingona_Solo
"NTA."
"Your baby, your choice."
"Your family lowkey sucks for being neglectful of your likes and dislikes."- ProudOpal6022
"NTA."
"I would tell Meg to donate her stuff if she wants to give it away so badly."
"I'd also let both her and your mother know that you lived your entire life with used items, how that made you feel, and you aren't doing that to your own child."
"She's not second best, and neither are you."- LowBalance4404
"NTA and if that were my mother, I'd snap back that maybe she doesn't need you and your daughter in her life."
"You know, since she already has a daughter and 2 grandsons."- Over-Method-1216
"NTA."
"Your sister and mum are some downright awful."
"Your sisters' and mum's comments really would have peeved me off if I were you."
"Please take your husband's idea and throw your own baby shower!"
"Register for whatever you want!"
"Your sister was happy enough getting her children new things so why the heck her and your mother seem to think you can't want that for your baby is ridiculous!"- ConsciousNectarine9
"NTA."
"Take your husband's good idea to throw your own shower with friends."
"'Take the hand-me-downs and be grateful."
"Made me wince, as did the idea that your mother bought stuff once and won't buy it again."
"Nothing generally wrong with hand-me-downs, of course."
"In this case, however, they are giving the boy hand-me-downs, but you are having a girl."
"And, you don't need to be the recipient of your sister's clean out, let her donate to a thrift store or charity."
"It's your baby and I think they should listen to you and respect your choices, but it seems like they are doing the exact opposite, a longstanding pattern."
"I dislike this on your behalf because it seems like Mom and Meg are teaming up just like they did in childhood, leaving you with whatever they cast off without regard for your actual likes and dislikes."- Big_Lynx119
"NTA."
"Just because someone is done using something, it doesn't mean you have accept it."
"People can offer something to you, but they don't get to tell you that you can only use their stuff and you should be grateful for it."
"Especially since there is a long history of this being a problem."
"Have the party to celebrate with your friends."
"It's time to start pulling back from your mom and sister because they don't seem to be enhancing your life, only making you feel guilty."- EfficiencyForsaken96
The OP sadly lived most of her life with her family, trying to force an identity on her that she didn't feel comfortable in.
Something she can finally take control of in her adult life.
Seeing as the OP's mother has more or less admitted to preferring her grandsons over her as yet unborn granddaughter, it's hard not to feel that the OP and her family might be better off without her in their lives...
