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Event Planner Refuses To Host Third Baby Shower For Disrespectful Niece After Rude Comment

pregnant person holding pink and blue balloons
JGI/Tom Grill/Getty Images

In many families, one person is chosen as the preferred host for family events.

Maybe they’re the best at cooking, baking, or entertaining. Maybe they have the best space for large gatherings. Maybe it’s both.

The family designated party planner may enjoy hosting their relatives. But courtesy and appreciation still go a long way.

A family party planner turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after an ungrateful relative soured them on hosting.

Auntie68 asked:

“AITA for not offering to host my niece’s shower?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I am the one in my family that hosts get togethers—holidays, graduation parties, showers, etc… I am an event planner and own a small event hall, so it just makes sense, plus I genuinely enjoy it.”

“My side of the family is huge, lots of siblings and kids. I have always, ALWAYS offered up my event hall and planning for their use even though it comes at a cost for my business.”

“My niece (now 25, female), we can call her Mary, has taken me up on that three times in the past—for her post-elopement party and two baby showers. For each of those she gave me no directions, just said ‘do whatever you want’.”

“So I did, trying to keep her in mind.”

“At her first baby shower she turned up 30 minutes late in raggedy sweats, stayed long enough to eat and gather up the presents, then left. No thank-yous offered.”

“My brother and sister-in-law (her parents) made excuses, saying the pregnancy was very rough. So we made allowances for that.”

“At her post-elopement dinner, she again showed up late, stayed on her phone the whole time, ate and left. Again, no thank yous.”

“When my mother commented on that, my brother said she was going through some newlywed stress as an excuse.”

“Her second baby shower started the same way. When she asked me to gather up all the presents so she could leave, I suggested she stay and open them so everyone could enjoy seeing what was given.”

“She scoffed and said, ‘I don’t want to stay at these little parties any longer than I have to’. So I gathered up the presents and decided not to offer my little parties to her in the future.”

“Fast forward to her sister’s wedding shower. We have a delightful time, even though Mary has done the usual eat-then-leave without offering to help or just be there for her sister.”

“My brother and I are loading up the presents when he mentions that Mary is expecting again and when can I host the shower. I told him I wouldn’t be offering this time around and why.”

“He was taken aback and said that he was surprised I was letting that comment get under my skin but whatever, my choice.”

“The next day I get an irate call from Mary. I remind her that she said she didn’t care for my parties so why does she want it anyway?”

“It turns out she got rid of all her baby supplies and needed a shower to get the presents. I told her to post her registry online and I’m sure people would help her out.”

“She got angry and hung up.”

“Then my brother calls. He says I’m being childish.”

“I told him that if he wants the shower he can pay for it, and gave him the standard quote for that event cost. He just sputtered and said they’d have someone else host.”

“The family is divided on this one. I still feel like I am not being unreasonable.”

“AITA?”

The OP summed up their situation.

“Not hosting the shower even though I have done so for everything in the past. Might be the a**hole because she needs the baby supplies.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“NTA. She shows ZERO appreciation for people (you) going to the trouble to arrange events, and basically uses you to gather people to give her stuff, with no effort or financial responsibility on her part.”

“Basically, she expects everything to be given to her, and her spoiled majesty is aghast you won’t keep up her status quo. Your brother, and others, are just enabling her.”

“No one seems to register that it costs you time and money for someone who doesn’t appreciate it in the least.” ~ Potential_Narwhal122

“It’s crazy how some people take kindness for granted. Just because you enjoy hosting doesn’t mean you owe it to her, especially when she’s shown no gratitude. Her attitude is the real issue here. NTA.” ~ BabeSweetiexo

“NTA, honestly the level of entitlement is on another level here.” ~ Aromatic_Lemon_9215

“Yes, she acts as if she owns OP and her services. Family or no family, this is beyond the pale. Niece is a totally entitled brat, and OP is NTA.” ~ TipElectronic535

“NTA and who has a baby shower for every kid? She’s 25, it’s not like this was a 10 years down the line surprise.”

“Why isn’t isn’t keeping her baby stuff instead of using you to crowd source for gifts? She and her parents are so entitled.”

“I’m sure others in your extended family have noticed she can’t even pretend to be thankful before collecting her gifts, stuffing her face and leaving each time.” ~ SPlNPlNS

“NTA. That was my thinking. Where I live, you get ONE baby shower. Doesn’t matter if you end up with one or ten kids, you get one shower.”

“Sometimes, if, as you note, there’s a huge age gap, really kind friends might throw a small second one. However, it’s also acknowledged that once you have kids, you start having other mothers in your social circle, so getting hand-me-downs is more a thing.” ~ 2dogslife

“Or if she’s financially sound enough to have a third kid, I would hope she would be able to support herself. I get that the 3rd could have been an oops, but there are some close to foolproof ways to prevent that if you are done enough to give away all your baby stuff.”

“At least where I’m from, it’s extremely uncommon to have a shower for a 3rd kid and many would consider it a bit rude and excessive if they already attended 2 others.”

“If immediate family wants to chip in with necessities that doesn’t require a party.” ~ Quellman

“NTA. Who even needs 3 baby showers? She should be thankful she had 1, plus the post elopement party.” ~ BreakApprehensive489

“Someone who’s selling their baby items for cash. That’s who needs 3 baby showers.”

“I’d be concerned that she’s scamming the family in other ways too. NTA, OP.” ~ _Z_E_R_O

“NTA—she’s ungrateful and quite honestly, speaking as a mother of four, you cannot expect to have a full blown baby shower for every kid. Maybe your brother should have a little gathering at his home.” ~ RelationBig4907

“That’s hilarious. Someone is being childish but it’s not you. NTA.” ~ RumSoakedChap

“NTA—also baby #3 and she wants a full shower plus she is ungrateful‽‽ I wouldn’t attend if I was the family.” ~ Plus_Concern6650

“NTA—your niece is using you to get free gifts. She shows no appreciation whatsoever to the effort you have put into any of these events that you have planned for her, not to mention the time and money that you have put into them.”

“The fact that her father expects you to provide a free venue for the latest child is just ridiculous.”

“Back in my day (and boy am I showing my age here), we passed around the big ticket items once we were done with them until the next little one came along with the exception of the crib mattress for safety reasons.”

“I had purchased a small, portable bassinette that I’m pretty sure went through at LEAST 10 kids by the time we finally retired it—friends, relatives, In-laws, and finally niece’s kids.”

“Babies outgrew the clothes before they could be worn out, and when a new little one came along, we gifted just the essentials—diapers/wipes, new onesies if the knees/toes had been worn through from crawling.”

“Your niece is being a complete mooch, in addition to being entitled and rude AF.” ~ toosheeptheorist

“NTA. She’s ungrateful for the work you put into something for her at no cost to her or her family. Glad you put your foot down because they have been taking advantage of your generosity.” ~ mommaneedsfun

“NTA. If she’s not celebrating by participating in her own events, why do they feel anyone in the family is obligated to keep participating in celebrating her events by hosting or giving gifts?” ~ notthedefaultname

“You are NTA. You are sacrificing your business’ time and money on someone who doesn’t care about anything except gifts.”

“You are doing the right thing charging. She sounds like an immature brat. Stick to your guns.” ~ Inahayes1

“NTA. Her behavior doesn’t warrant another party at your expense. They’re mad because you’re not willing to do the work for them at your expense.” ~ Hot-Freedom-5886

“NTA. Personally, if I was an invited guest at your niece’s 3 previous gift giving parties, I would decline the invitation. Send no gift.” ~ zoegi104

“Entitled attitude, ungrateful, rude, everyone rallying around to make excuses for her and then you getting called childish for not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of and treated like trash a third time?”

“Neice sounds like the golden child to me.”

“NTA. Do not apologise and do not do another single thing for her.”

You’re a very generous person, but don’t ever waste generosity on entitlement and if any other relatives push you too much on this I would strongly consider if I felt like doing things for them in future.” ~ Keely369

Are three baby showers excessive? Would you throw another party or send a gift?

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.