Family disputes about children can get very ugly, very fast.
These are the kind of fights that leave scars forever.
So many relationships never come back from it.
But when it comes to the wellfare and safety of children, then a fight is often necesary.
Redditor trow_away_help wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for asking my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] to leave after a comment she made about my body?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Hey Reddit, this is a throwaway for obvious reasons."
"I 30 F[emale], had my second child around 2 months ago, I'll try to summarize what happened as well as I can."
"Back when the baby was born, my MIL said these exact words: 'You have pimples on your face, hun, you look too tired. When I was your age I was looking my best. But of course, after 3 hours of pushing, it hurts anyone, I think.'"
"Then when my son was around 1 month we allowed the family to come around to meet him in person for the 1st time, she asked when could she babysit, I said that we will wait some time like we did with the first child."
"No one has ever had my son (3 M[ale]) overnight yet, and only started to have him sometimes during the day when he was 2."
"When I said that, she replied, 'You should hand him over to me and go to the gym, hun, after a month you still look like a whale.'"
"After that, I told them all to leave."
"My husband did not back me up; instead, he got mad at me for 'hurting' his mom."
"After that, his parents called my husband and asked us to come over to talk about what happened."
"His siblings came over with them, and we had a super uncomfortable conversation that was basically them saying that I could not be stable if I reacted to my MIL's innocent concern in this way, and maybe they should take my 2 sons, 3 months and 1 month (at the time) with them so I can 'have a break.'"
"This situation led to a huge argument between my husband and me."
"He said I couldn’t keep his family away from our kids, that he has rights, and I couldn’t do this."
"After I refused, he packed a bag and left for his parents."
"A month passed, and he has not seen or called his children."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for keeping my kids from my MIL ?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"OP, I advise you to consult a lawyer QUICKLY."
"I don't know where you live, but you must report that your husband has left his family home."
"Be careful, they will try to make you look crazy to take your children away from you." ~ mikoline97
"The fact that your husband has not tried to see the kids in A MONTH is definitely something you need to document somehow and tell a lawyer about asap - he literally abandoned you and the babies with no word of if/when he will return!"
"That will probably be super helpful for custody, etc., as other comments say, please get a lawyer asap! ♡ ~ princ3sspassionfruit
"NTA, and get a lawyer ASAP."
"The fact that they staged an intervention and even suggested taking the kids from you is scary and WAY over the line."
"At this point, I wouldn't even trust the husband alone with the kids for fear that he'd just take them."
"He's a giant red flag."
"If my spouse heard ANYONE call me a whale, she would completely lose her sh*t on them and defend me." ~ misstiesa
"NTA. He abandoned his family because his mommy’s feelings got hurt."
"Your feelings got hurt!"
"Only an a-hole would say that to anyone, but to say it to a woman who just pushed out a watermelon and was all of 1 month postpartum is just cruel."
"THEN he invited his whole family over, and they talked about taking your children away from you."
"Now, your children’s biological father ran away a month ago, and you’re asking if you’re TA?"
"If he was so concerned about your children’s safety, why’d he leave you alone with them?"
"He’s a coward who abandoned his children, for what?"
"So his family can unapologetically harass you?"
"Fu*k that noise."
"I’m not sure where you live, so check about your legal options."
"Abandoning children isn’t going to win him any sympathy if you go to protect yourself and your children legally. NTA." ~ Potential_Shoe1068
"NTA. Are you not keeping the children from him?"
"He left?"
"Did I miss something?"
"He has not called them."
"You need a lawyer."
"She had no right to call you a whale for Pete’s sake, but that is not the point."
"He’s abandoned the family, if I understand this correctly?"
"My husband would not stand for his mother calling me a whale." ~ EzAeMy
"NTA, but your husband is."
"Change the locks on the doors and get a lawyer because I am guessing that they are planning something."
"For all you know, he could be with a lawyer, requesting custody, and you'll be unprepared."
"I know that sounds alarmist, but the fact that he left a month ago and has gone quiet makes me think the whole family is up to no good." ~ Ordinary-Audience363
"OP might have one thing in her favor."
"She needs to see a lawyer, though."
"Her husband leaving, cutting off all contact, and being gone this long while leaving her to deal with everything alone may work in her favor."
"Not sure about her income if it's a joint account with direct deposit - that's lawyer stuff too."
"But for him to walk out on his wife, who is a mother of one small child and has a newborn, because Mean Mommy told him to?"
"Could give her some leverage."
"Not my area, but his little snit might help her."
"OP, see a lawyer, seriously." ~ Dame_Niafer
"NTA. You know you have a husband problem."
"The issue is, are we going to try to make a case for your mental well-being?"
"They should have the kids???"
"Document everything, everything, everything that you haven’t heard from your husband, what his mother said, how they treat you, etc." ~ Awkward_Profile_7410
"NTA, but let's be real, the main issue here is the husband."
"If he's going to prioritize his mom's feelings over yours when she is saying absolutely horrible things about you, f**k that."
"Be an example for your kids that you won't tolerate being treated that way." ~ Stranger0nReddit
"NTA - your husband is a mama's boy, and you need a lawyer."
"You pushed out two humans, and he still can't stand up for you."
"What's there to stay for?"
"He's abandoned you and your kids."
"Let him stay gone at this point."
"Don't be a doormat." ~ Altruistic_Isopod_11
"Your husband is TA."
"Keep a journal of when things were said, and when your husband was present and stayed silent."
"You might want to think about a lawyer." ~ Normal-Wish-4984
"Absolutely NTA."
"Consider putting together a binder documenting your children's medical history and other records."
"Document the interactions with your MIL and husband around this incident and its aftermath in case your MIL and husband conspire together to make accusations against you."
"Hope for the best, that this gets sorted out, but prepare for shenanigans." ~ floopdoopsalot
"You’re better off as a single parent than with him and his (to be impolite) affair partner. NTA." ~ Budget_Meaning1410
OP came back to chat and update...
"Edit to clarify some things..."
"1- For the ones wondering, YES, this story was posted on the day that the events happened on another subreddit, the original post was taken down, if that was a secret I would NOT use the same account to post this, don’t u think?"
"2- For the ones thinking this is fake, I don’t blame you, if two years ago you told me that I would live this, I would not believe it either."
"3- Why the original mentioned legal action, and this version doesn’t? That has to do with the subreddit rules; it’s not up to me. They are strict about not mentioning legal battles (but yes, it’s happening)."
"4- Was a lawyer contacted? YES, a month ago, but like I said I don't know if I can talk about this part here, if u know somewhere I can do it, please let me know."
"5- Family arrangement: I'm French, my kids are French-American, and my husband is American-Canadian. From the moment he left home till now, I haven’t received ANYTHING from him."
"6- thank you all so much for the kind words, they mean a lot 🫶🏻✨."
The OP provided one more update.
"Update: Hey people, I don't know if anyone will read this or not, but he called me today!"
"He asked to come home to grab some stuff, his mail, and talk to me and see my kids."
"I told him that he can come around at 2 pm (it’s 11 am here right now ), collect his mail and clothes, and we can talk."
"With a friend in the house, and he asked to see the kids, to that I said, 'You didn’t care for 1 month, and now you do? Too late, your not confusing my children anymore.'"
"He protested and ended at that."
"Should I let he see them?"
"I don’t want to be honest, but at the same time, my oldest misses him, I don't know."
Reddit is with you, OP.
It sounds like everyone is also deeply concerned for your well-being.
This is a horrible situation.
Your MIL is an abusive person, and your husband has abandoned you and his children.
Solidify your legal stances immediately!
Good Luck.
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