The crumbling of a marriage can leave lasting emotional baggage for decades to follow.
Some sins of the heart just feel difficult to get over.
This can lead to a lot of heartbreaking decisions and actions.
And of course, the ones who suffer most... the kids.
But not everyone can find a way to forgive.
Redditor Unfair-Border-3249 to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITAH for doing nothing to help my son's homeless mother because she cheated on me?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (28 M[ale]) have a 5-year-old son with my ex (27 F[emale]), and we're no longer together because she cheated on me."
"She also has a son from the last time she cheated on me, and he's 2."
"His father is no longer in the picture, and from what info she gave me, he's responsible largely for leaving the two of them homeless."
"I have custody of our son while my ex has nowhere to go."
"She sees him a couple of times a week, and after five months of homelessness, there is no sign of things improving."
"Throughout this whole thing, I have refused to engage in conversations about her situation, and I keep all discussions to our son and when she's visiting."
"She has asked me for help several times.'
"She has cried when our son was out of the room and begged me to help her and her other son and to consider working on us so we could be a family."
"I was blunt with her the one time I responded, and I told her it was never going to happen."
"My reason for being so cold with her is all about her cheating multiple times."
"I didn't know when we were together that she was cheating repeatedly."
"I found out about all the cheating at the very same time, and it's when I learned her unborn child wasn't mine."
"It even made me worry about our son, and I DNA tested him, and thankfully, he's mine."
."At the time, she felt no guilt, and she told me her other son's father was a real man and not some weak p*ssy who was happy to live a boring life."
"Turns out the real man cheated and gambled all through their relationship, and now she's homeless with the child they made together, and she wants me to pick up the pieces."
"For our son's sake, I play friendly when he's in the room, but outside of that, I want nothing to do with her and her son."
"She doesn't bring him to her visits with our son because she doesn't want him to feel bad because I won't take him under my wing."
"But she has repeatedly asked me to help them."
"I could afford to help her pay rent, and I even technically have space in my house for them to stay with me."
"But after everything she did, I don't want to."
"And I don't want her son to start looking at me as a father figure."
"I'll never be his father figure or his uncle figure or any kind of familial figure."
"And I don't want my ex getting comfortable with the idea that I'll bail her out."
"Someone who used to be a mutual friend of both of ours knows the situation and decided to speak out against my decision, saying we are forever tied because of our son, and I should help his mom and half-brother for him."
"I should want him to grow up with all of his family happy, healthy, and safe."
"There were several other things they said, but the primary focus was that I should help my ex find a way to provide a home for both children."
"I don't agree that it's my job, but I can also understand my negative feelings for my ex might be clouding my judgment, so here I am."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Well, Reddit, AITAH?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"2 things stand out."
"The 'weak pu**y' comment one."
"But two, even worse: her wanting to be a family again."
"She's not looking for assistance, she's looking for permanence. NTA." ~ Life_Temperature2506
"The other major problem is that once she moves into your home, you will not be able to kick her out without getting the courts involved and providing eviction notices."
"And just imagine if you did."
"What if you put the boundary that she can’t bring men over, and she still does it?"
"Then what?"
"It’s all around a sh*tty situation, especially for her other son, but moving her into your home would absolutely ruin you long term."
"Def don’t do that." ~ Censordoll
"All of this."
"And having her in your home, whether you are in a relationship or not, will prevent you from finding someone who is actually worth your time."
"No one who is stable and sane wants to have a relationship with someone who lives with their ex."
"And if you did manage to find someone who was interested, she would sabotage it, because you having a partner would put her living situation in danger."
"Oh, and you will have to evict her to get her out. "
"She's not going to leave, or try to find other living arrangements when she has a free place to stay with you." ~ crackinmypants
"You are correct."
"Avoid this at all costs, including cutting her off completely if this continues." ~ autumn55femme
"My mother did this to my father. He actually lovingly took her back, gave her son his name, and treated him as his son."
"She turned around, cheated on him, and again was pregnant with someone else’s child and went back to the exciting bad boy."
"I’m sorry, but people‘s past treatment of you predicts their future treatment of you."
"She sees you for what you can do for her right now."
"I wish that wasn’t true because I would love for your son to have the stability of all of his family together under one roof."
"But what he does have is he lives with the stable, sane, and caring parent."
"I did not have that. I only got to see my father on weekends, so you’re doing well." ~ Suzibrooke
"NTA, she was the one to choose to leave you when she cheated."
"What does the mutual mutual friend think about the 'forever tied' in regards to that?"
"Even if you aren't moving on to find someone else, you shouldn't give that option up by being obligated to live with another woman."
"Keep in mind that she will say anything to try to get money and support from you, including the false pretence to work on your relationship."
"She's not being evil there because she's prioritising her other kid over you, but she clearly didn't respect you when she had you, and being able to con you out of your money won't stop her from screwing you over if it suits her." ~ FewAnybody2739
"F that noise."
"Not your problem."
"You keep on looking after your son, that's the only one you're responsible for."
"Yes, it's a shame for her other son, and I do pity him, but he's her responsibility, so she needs to be sorting herself out and going after his father for support."
"Not the person she treated like crap."
"I hope this mutual 'friend' is no longer considered a 'friend' of yours because that would mean they would be cut off from me."
"Know all that went down and what she did to you and pulls this?"
"Nope, not someone to have in your life."
"Why is it that the only people who 'need to be the bigger person' are the victims of the ones that screw everything up and expect those they sh*t on to play nice and bend over backwards to get themselves out of their sh*t?"
"Nope. No, no, no. NTA." ~ Mysterious_Coast9869
"You’re NTA."
"She did this to herself by lying and cheating."
"She only wants to come back because she has no place to go."
"As soon as she gets on her feet, she’ll do it again."
"She has serious issues." ~ iknowshi*aboutsh*t
"Agreed. NTA."
"You're responsible for raising your son and giving him stability."
"End of story."
"Having that woman and more involved in your life will threaten that."
"A real man takes care of his responsibilities."
"You are."
"While you can feel sorry for the state she's in, it's all down to her choices."
"Let her friends and family step up, you're just the easy target they'll all go after, and if they insist, take steps to limit your interactions." ~ Tal_Tos_72
"No. Exactly. No says it all in one word! NTA."
"The only reason she wants to make nice with OP is for his financial support."
"If she didn't need the money, she would still be calling him a boring loser."
"She is the loser."
"A lying, greedy, cheating, and manipulative user."
"If OP were to help her, she would screw him over again as soon as her financial house was in order."
"She wants to move back in and be a family!!!!"
"If he let her, it would only give her a safe haven from which to cheat on OP." ~ Intelcourier
"NTA, she needs to contact her extended family or the other son’s father’s family."
"Don’t take either of them into your home unless you want them in your life permanently." ~ BothGreen7258
"Sounds like she's got a lifetime of bad decisions behind her and no doubt, more on the way. "
"You would simply be pouring water into a leaky bucket."
"It's not your responsibility to enable her. NTA." ~ IttyBitty2697
Reddit is 1000% behind you, OP.
This is your ex-wife's issue.
