Fandom is the term given for a community of people, usually online, who share a deep interest in a specific book, movie, show, band, video game, or sports team. Some fandoms evolve beyond the individual art or artists they enjoy, creating stand alone interactions like conventions or fiction unrelated to the actual creators.
Members of a fandom can become obsessed to the point of losing touch of the fact the thing they love isn't part of their lives and they aren't entitled to anything from the artists, athletes, or creators.
A woman turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a friend's fandom clashed with her father's TV industry background.
Lower-Let9945 asked:
"AITA for telling my friend to calm the f*ck down because she called my dad 'delusional' over 'The Pitt'?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I’m 27, female, and live with my dad, brother, sister-in-law (SIL), and my rent paying best friend Ally, 26, female. These past months we were all watching 'The Pitt' together. Ally is REALLY into the show and the fandom and she has strong opinions about relationships between the characters."
"I thought it would be FUN to watch it with her since she likes it, not stressful. My dad’s life passion and work is television, so he’s always telling us to look at the background, lighting, and other visuals for context because it’s all part of the story."
"It can be fun, but sometimes draining. 'The Pitt' does some camera work that my dad thinks is really funny because it makes things obvious in retrospect."
"So we were watching the last episode yesterday and there’s a scene with two of the characters outside watching the fireworks. Dad was like 'wait a second, I want to watch that again' and Ally was already annoyed because she does not like the man in the scene because he’s the antagonist to her favorite character."
"But we replayed it and dad was giddy talking about the lighting, framing, symbolism, and he said 'This is a really well done scene, it almost feels invasive to watch'."
"Ally got so upset about this and started saying that he’s reading too much into it and it doesn’t mean anything or it doesn’t mean what he thinks, and she just went on this incredible rant about it."
"He was really surprised by her reaction and said 'I’m talking about what the scene itself is conveying' and 'This is not the first scene with them where it feels like you’re entering a bubble and there's a recurring visual pattern' and Ally was like 'you people are so weird those two are like brother and sister, you’re delusional' and said that the guy who created the show even said it’s weird and that they’re like siblings."
"Dad said 'You think I’m saying something I’m not, I’m talking about visual storytelling'."
"I told Ally she needed to calm the f*ck down because calling someone who has literally worked in TV for years delusional over talking about a SCENE in a show is crazy work. Ally got super pissed off at me for telling her to calm down and told me that I don’t get it because people like my dad are ruining the show by overanalyzing it and trying to force something that isn’t there."
"And that just because my dad loves television doesn’t mean he’s right about what he sees. Mind you, my dad doesn’t care about any of the stuff she thinks he’s implying. He looks at it like art and she’s mad about something else entirely."
"Anyway, I want to know, am I the a**hole for telling Ally to calm down?"
"Because I get that SHE feels passionate about it too and she’s allowed to feel that way and act accordingly, it just felt like overkill."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided everyone sucked (ESH).
"I'd go with ESH because, really, I wouldn't want to watch TV with any of you." ~ minlokwat
"I was the same way as the father the first few years after I graduated from film school, but the annoyance I generated from this habit was palpable and I've stopped. And Ally is one of those people who takes TV shows and their characters way too seriously. OP isn't much better for suggesting everyone watch together. They all sound insufferable. ESH." ~ RobataChane72
"Yeah, my husband and I both comment on and sometimes pause and rewatch scenes with interesting production choices. It’s weird to me that this would be super objectionable, it definitely adds to our enjoyment."
"To each their own, I guess, but the friend seems way more annoying than the dad here." ~ ziptagg
"Yup, 100% ESH. They had me until 'rewound the scene to watch it again and point out lighting and stuff'."
"I’m going to assume this was there first time watching the episode, because they mentioned it was from yesterday…
Yeah. If we’re watching an episode for the first time and you stop it, to rewind and lecture me in framing… I’m leaving the room." ~ TalynRahl
"While your dad is kind of annoying asking to stop and rewatch the scene he’s not reading into the characters or trying to spoil anything or imprint his theories on the characters. He’s interested in the technical aspects of the show."
"You know this about him going in so it’s your choice to watch shows with him in this way."
"But your friend is willfully misunderstanding him and is the one in a notably unhinged fandom so she needs to step back and realize she’s the one who’s likely delusional. Or toxic at least." ~ ALostAmphibian
"I don’t watch the show, so I’m a little confused about why she keeps saying they are like brother and sister. All he said is that there’s deliberate framing for an emotional impact about their interactions."
"I’d get it if she just didn’t want to acknowledge that guy character has any emotional depth. But it seems like a complete non sequitur."
"The show runner said they are like brother and sister. Ok? How does that mean the scene wasn’t deliberately constructed for emotional intimacy?"
"Did he blunder into some sort of thing where she goes online and adamantly argues against people who ship this pairing? Because if so, then I’d vastly prefer to watch shows with him than someone whose fanfic makes them get angry in the real world."
"And I say that as someone who was fascinated and horrified at certain sectors of the 'Supernatural' fan fiction community back in the day." ~ westkms
"Unfortunately yeah, there are people who get wayyyyy too into this stuff. I've known people who will have full on tantrums at the mere suggestion that their obsession characters might not be as romantically inclined as they think, or worse, might like others."
"Of course every conversation manages to loop around to them too. A fun environment that does not make." ~ Ubiquitor2
"I think that's the implication. She's heavily involved in the online fandom and has strong feelings about a weird fan ship, so she interprets any speculation about the closeness of those characters as shipping them." ~ your-rong
"I'm a fan of 'The Pitt' and I've even read a lot of 'The Pitt' fanfic as a byproduct of that and interacting with 'The Pitt' fan content on other social media. I see a lot of 'The Pitt' content on Twitter."
"I mean this in the nicest way possible, but man, some of those people on 'The Pitt' Twitter need to touch grass. And this is coming from a chronically online fangirl who has been in fandom spaces for roughly a decade.
"I clicked on this post because the title was giving Twitter stan vibes and the post itself just solidified that. Unfortunately, I think that's what the dad stumbled into is the fact that some fans are, I don't know a better word than deranged and OP's friend just happens to be one of them." ~ KittyKate10778
"I'm 33 and totally in step with you here. The hugest difference that I've seen grow over time is the attitude fandoms take now toward their subjects. Up through like the Dr. Who era of Tumblr, fandom (and viewership generally) took the attitude that the art & artists they love are independent agents."
"When the art or artist made a choice, fans aligned with or against that choice, and fought that out online. Taking those feelings out on the creators themselves wasn't part of mainstream fandom behavior."
"Fandoms do not treat art or artists as independent agents any more. The attitude fandoms take toward art/artists now is much more rooted in control and expectation.
"There's a general vehemence towards creators in every genre. We treat everything in our culture the way tabloids did Britney in the 00s. It's honestly so degraded and degrading for everyone involved."
"I sound like an old, jaded gay, which I am, but all of the glamor and joy have been sucked from fan culture by this process. We don't protect the necessary mysteries that preserve our sense of wonder regarding art."
"Instead, the beautiful thing is dominated until its independence has been so entirely violated that we don't find it beautiful anymore." ~ millennialien
"ESH. Both your father and Ally sound terrible to watch TV with, but mainly your father. It's cool that he knows a lot about TV, but not cool that he won't let people watch a show in peace."
"It would be cool to hear those takes *after the show.* Pausing the show halfway through to rewatch a scene before we're even done watching the episode, in particular, is insufferable behavior." ~ Certain_Detective_84
OP may want to have dad and Ally attend different viewings going forward.
