Choosing a baby's name is one of the first major decisions parents make about their child, and for many, the name they choose carries tremendous sentimental value.
No matter how important the name may be, though, it does not provide the parents a monopoly on that name, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Laurenn2024 was looking forward to having their third baby and chose a special name for them, only for one of their partner's old friends to also want to use the name for their first baby.
When they demanded that the couple give the name up because it was their first baby rather than their third, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and refused.
She asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for not changing my baby's name?"
The OP was excited about her third baby.
"My partner and I are expecting our third baby in September."
"His friend and his girlfriend are expecting their first in November."
"My partner and his friend used to be really close friends for about seven years, but stopped being close when my partner joined the Army."
"Two years ago, when he left the army, we moved back to the same town as them, but in the two years we've lived here, we've seen them, I think, three times."
The OP was surprised when the friends chose the same name, but also did not mind.
"We decided on a name when I was 12 weeks pregnant, before even finding out the gender, and told people her name when I was 16 weeks after we found out we were having a girl."
"His friend and his partner have just found out they’re also having a girl and want to use the same name we have chosen."
"I literally do not care as we don’t see them much anyway, so if our kids have the same name, I literally don’t care."
When the couple demanded that the OP "give" them the name, she refused.
"But they’ve reached out to him, asking if we’d change her name and let them just have it as it’s their FIRST baby?"
"I instantly said no. I won’t be doing that."
"So she called me a selfish b***h for ruining her pregnancy?!"
"Some of our mutual friends said I should just change our baby's name to keep the peace, but most agree I shouldn't."
"I'd just like a second opinion, because my partner and I are both such laid-back people and genuinely can’t be a**ed for the drama. This heat and being 27 weeks pregnant is more than enough stress for me, never mind their petty schoolground bulls**t."
"I literally do not have an issue with them naming their daughter the same name as ours, so for them to have SUCH a big issue when they’ve found out weeks AFTER us is WILD."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it would not hurt the couple or the baby at all to share the name with another family.
"NTA. Don’t change the baby’s name, don’t entertain your mutual friends telling you to change it, and tell your husband to deal with this s**t, because he should not be letting his friend's girlfriend call you a b***h."
"Once all of that trash takes itself out, enjoy your growing family in beauty and peace." - ManyYou918
"NTA, because you recognize you don't own the name and because she's clearly being melodramatic." - Mellifluous-Squirrel
"NTA."
"People just need to accept that they don't have exclusive rights to a baby name, ever. My son had three Dylans in his second-grade class (around 2008). Not to mention the endless Aiden, Hayden, Brayden, Jaiden, Caden kids of that era."
"That's just the way it is. You name your kid what you like, other people name their kid what they like, and sometimes those names overlap." - eternal_casserole
"It’s okay if two kids in the same town have the same name. No one has to change their baby's name." - Fireblaster2001
"They would have hated living in medieval England. There were tons of kids with the same name in the same town."
"Name your beautiful daughter the name you chose. May she honor that name all the days of her life, because it was carefully chosen and fiercely defended."
"May your family thrive in love!" - Any_Community_1819
"Oh H**L no! People do not own names. NTA."
"And it could be worse. I had a boss who named her DOG Shelby right after her best friend named her baby Shelby." - Ok_Nectarine_8533
"Before my brother-in-law was born, his dad told his family the name they’d chosen, and then the dad’s brother got a dog and named it the same name. So, imagine John and Jane find out they’re having a boy and choose the name Jim."
"John tells his family, 'Hey, we’re having a baby boy and naming him Jim,' and then his brother (Baby Jim’s uncle) gets a dog and names him Jim."
"Two babies with the same name doesn't sound so drastic now, DOES IT?!" - Rylees_Mom525
Others pointed out that the other pregnant woman had a funny approach to asking for favors.
"A good rule of thumb is not to do favors for people who call you a selfish b***h. NTA." - Rainbowbright31
"Maybe don't treat baby names like they're a trademarked brand." - randomlateidea36
"NTA. I would tell her, 'We are not close enough for you to dictate my parenting. If you keep harassing me, the two kids will never even meet. So much for continuing the friendship in the next generation!'" - _SquirrelHugger_
"NTA. This is a crazy request from them. Not only did you get pregnant first, and pick the name first. But two kids with the same name at will maybe see each other once a year is not a big deal. I would ignore them and any friends that ever bring it up." - Plastic_Blood1782
"NTA. It's not like this couple is siblings with either of you. And even then, it's f**king weird to demand someone change a name."
"Don't even entertain their ridiculousness. I'd block them; they don't seem like friends anymore anyway." - SinglePotato5246
"I don’t understand this at all. When people do this s**t, I think it’s so entitled. People don’t own names. If they love it so much, then use it, too. Are they gonna start messaging random pregnant women on Facebook, too? Get a life." - Sweet-Cat-7667
"NTA. If her first pregnancy and baby are ruined because someone she doesn’t see named their baby the same name, then she isn’t mature enough to have a kid. name your baby whatever you want." - clickityclickclikkk
"NTA. Not only did you pick it first, but you also have a child coming first. And no one gets to 'own' a name, so it’s not like she can’t use it. But she sure as S**T doesn’t have any right to be asking you to change it!!"
"Also, you literally don’t even see these people. What the f**k are they even worried about? So you see a kid with the same name once or twice a year, big whoop. They are going to run into that anyway, just with school."
"You wouldn’t be the AH for using the same name no matter what, but especially given the circumstances, LOL." - Buffalo-Empty
"Just because of what that woman called you, you should absolutely change the name."
"Use whatever the name was, and add 'The Original' before it. 'The Original Taylor.' 'The Original Blake.' 'The Original Charlie.'"
"Hope this helps! Enjoy your pregnancy and growing family! I'm honestly so sad for them that they're more focused on this than their ACTUAL BABY." - Important_Project662
"NTA. You brought up the kid’s future name to people, and the reality is they liked it enough to want to use it."
"They copied your name and then got mad that you won’t change it? That’s super twisted, and they are not your friends, in my opinion!" - Southern-Revolution6
"NTA. Copying the name is bad enough; they should be grateful you didn’t make that an issue."
"Trying to villainize you after their outlandish request that you no longer use the name you chose for your daughter takes some serious audacity."
"Your mutual friends also suck."
"Congratulations!" - obligate_rider
The subReddit could not stop side-eyeing this situation if their lives depended on it. It was perfectly okay for both moms to like the name and to want to name their future daughters the same name, and it wouldn't impact their ability to parent or their daughters' childhoods even in the slightest.
There was also the fact that the two couples rarely saw each other and were not nearly as close as they were nearly a decade ago. That makes it that much more justifiable to use the same name, especially if both women were enamored with it.
Not to mention, a third baby in the family is no less important than the first, and somehow thinking that the birth order was justification for using a name might be the most problematic point of all.
