Picking a baby name is meant to be an exciting part of the birth process.
But picking a new human being’s name can be stressful.
It can be a consequential life choice.
Of course, once kids are adults, they can always change their names.
That doesn’t mean choosing the initial name can’t cause problems… it can.
Redditor Individual_Jaguar354 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for being unwilling to compromise on a baby name?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
I (31 F[emale]) am expecting my first child (gender unknown) with my husband (32 M[ale]).”
“We have been discussing (arguing about) a name for the last 8 months, and now I’m afraid there is going to be a tug of war at the hospital over the birth certificate.”
“Stylistically, we want very different things.”
“I like ‘classic’ names.”
“To give a few examples for a boy’s name: Martin, Silas, Calvin.”
“My husband prefers more unique names–he suggested both Artemis and Entrari from his favorite work of fiction.”
“I don’t want to name our child after a fictional assassin, and he doesn’t want to name his child after ‘an old man.'”
“Combining one ‘old man’ name with one ‘unique name/fictional reference’ seems to create a really weird sounding combination, and we are both arguing over the first name anyway.”
“I would love for this to be a ‘one no two yes’ situation and for both of us to be happy with the child’s name, but he hates every single name I suggest, and I really don’t care for any of his suggestions.”
“I do feel as though I should have a little more influence over the name, if only because he automatically gets the child’s last name, no questions asked.”
“I told him that the child could have whatever name he picked out, on the condition that they get my maiden last name, and he refused.”
“I don’t actually expect them to have my last name.”
“I was just trying to express that I understand how important the last name is, and I would accept his first name suggestion if I had the privilege of automatically assuming the last name.”
“I am getting less and less excited about the arrival of the child, because it is surrounded by disagreement after disagreement.”
“I feel like I’m not getting to name the child something that means a lot to me, names that I have had in my notes app since I was in high school.”
“He said that he doesn’t want to sigh (out of distaste) every time he has to call out this child’s name.”
“Does anyone have any suggestions for a compromise?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole for really sticking to my guns when it comes to the child’s name?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Don’t let your husband name your kid after a D[undeons] & D[ragons] character. Jesus.”
“He needs to grow up. NTA.” ~ kindofana**hole17
“This guy sounds extremely immature.”
“If he wants to get a dog or a fish and name it after a character, then go for it, but they are naming an actual human being who has to live with this name.” ~ Greedy-Win-4880
“I literally gasped and read this out to my husband.”
“As a Drizzt fan, no.”
“And it’s double stupid because there ARE names that could translate to good names!”
“Catti-brie was originally named Cataline.”
‘Cataline to Catherine. Easy. Jarlaxle?”
“Jarlaxle to Jax, Jax to Jack.”
“I’d say Dahlia works, but no child should be named after that pizza cutter.”
“Zach from Zaknafein.”
“There are ways to make everyone happy here but for the love of f**k don’t name a boy Artemis.”
“He’ll be getting Artemis Fowl and Artemis Enteri jokes for all eternity.” ~ Renamis
“Suggest an exercise where each of you creates a list of baby names you think the other person would like.”
“Emphasize that you get he likes unique names, but he needs to consider your tastes as well.”
“See if you can come up with a list of ‘cool names’ that you think he would like that aren’t distasteful to you, and ask that he do the same.”
“Are there characters from books, comics, movies he likes that have more traditional names?”
“Are there ‘vintage’ or ‘classic’ names that are more unique and don’t sound so old-fashioned?”
“There is definitely room for compromise here if both of you agree that the other’s opinions are important as well.”
“Names I thought of…”
“Xander, Ansel, Asher, Lucas, Levi, Milo, Jude, Felix, Finn, Isaac, Malachai.” ~ GerundQueen
“NTA.”
“I do feel as though I should have a little more influence over the name, if only because he automatically gets the child’s last name, no questions asked.”
“I find this to be perfectly reasonable.”
“Adding to that, you’re using your body to grow your child, and that will have lasting effects on your health. “
“That all on its itty-bitty own tips the scales in your favor, but definitely that your child will have his family name, you should get to choose the primary name.”
“The middle name (or names… I gave my kids two middle names) can be negotiable.” ~ IamIrene
“Remind him he’s naming a person, not forcing the world to play ‘guess the reference’ with his favorite literary properties.”
“This kid has to write a resume someday.”
“The only compromise I can see would be to save the ‘unique’ name for the middle.”
“If the kid wants to use it, that’s up to him someday.” ~ Muted-Win-3515
“Irrelevant with the disagreement, but Artemis is not a fictional assassin’s name, no matter where he heard it from.”
“It is the ancient Greek goddess of hunting, Diana in Roman, and I know people with this name.”
“It is a name, just not in English.”
“You can use the info as you please.” ~ Sufficient-Simple-41
“Maybe you should get a cat and let him name that 😅.”
“There is a cat on Sailor Moon with the name Artemis, after all 🤷♀️.”
“Seriously, though, when I have an out there fictional name that I really like, I typically add it to the list of names for a future pet, not for a human child.”
“Also, this is gonna be an unpopular opinion, but as someone who has been pregnant and given birth and gone through the physical recovery, I do think you should get a little more say lol.”
“That’s not to say that I don’t think he should be involved in that aspect or that you should get to unilaterally decide – my husband was very involved in helping me choose a name, and I respected it when there were names that I liked that he didn’t.”
“But I DO think you should be able to at least steer in the direction of a ‘classic’ style name, and your husband should be willing to compromise on that and start looking at lists of those types of names to find some that he likes if he’s not into your specific suggestions.”
“Anyway, NTA.”
“You’ve offered ways to compromise, and he wasn’t open to any of them, so of the two of you, he’s the one who seems like the AH in this situation.” ~ Fox_steph
“Remind your husband that you’re naming a person, not a collectible or a character or an avatar – a person.”
“Who cares if it’s not cool or to his taste?”
“I’m a huge nerd, and I would never let my fandom dictate this much of another human being’s entire life. NTA.” ~ Benton_box88
“NTA, please remind him that children are people and not a beacon to show off the tv show (or whatever it is) that his dad likes.”
“Get a f**king dog and name it Artemis.” ~ rocket-c4t
“NTA. Hi. Nerd wife checking in.”
“I’ve played D&D since 2nd grade.”
“Artemis Entreri is a cringeworthy name for a cringeworthy character.”
“The only worse choice is Drizzt. Seriously.”
“Your husband is just so so so wrong about this.”
“If the kid is getting his last name, then you get to pick your choice of first or middle, and you two compromise on the one you don’t pick.”
“That’s fair.”
“I also think it’s fair to rule out any and all fantasy names.”
“This is a child, not your husband’s D&D character. “
“This child will grow into an adult.”
“It is very unfair to expect them to put f**kin’ Tanis Targaryen on a job application or college degree.”
“Give a human child a human name.”
“I think a good compromise would be Arthur or Jennifer.”
“Those are both old-timey names.”
“Arthur is the OG fantasy hero, and Jennifer, who is a modern version of Guinevere, is the OG fantasy heroine.”
“Problem solved.” ~ CalamityClambake
“NTA. I feel like I am going crazy reading these ESH and YTA responses.”
“He not only wants to name the child after a video game, but he is unwilling to split names so that you could pass on your maiden name.”
“His strange naming choices combined with the fact that you are carrying the baby make you NTA at all in my eyes.” ~ snakes780
“Does he actually prefer the names he is suggesting, or is this just about ‘winning?'”
“Because for my husband, it was about winning.”
“It sucked.”
“We eventually landed on a name via a compromise.”
’18 years later and I still don’t love her name, but it fits her.”
“But we had very opposite tastes, and it was a good compromise and… again… it fit her.”
“Come up with a list of names you BOTH can agree on.”
“Tell him his names are off the table, as are yours, and you guys are starting from scratch.”
“Both of you put together a list of 20 names and then go down each other’s lists and find a few names you can compromise on.” ~ Organic-Willow2835
“Artemis is the name of a goddess.”
“Strange choice for a boy’s name.”
“People really don’t enjoy being saddled with weird names. NTA.” ~ MerelyWhelmed1
Reddit understands your plight, OP.
Your husband needs to come to the table with a compromise.
He does realize you’re doing all of the heavy lifting, right?
He is being dismissive of your feelings.
You’re allowed to be frustrated.
Good Luck and Congratulations!