Even though being a parent is something that most people choose to be, that doesn't change the fact that parenting well isn't a hard job, and it's worth having days like Mother's Day and Father's Day to honor, remember, and celebrate our parents.
For parents who have become grandparents, though, some would argue that their time being recognized on Mother's Day and Father's Day is over, making way for their grandchildren's parents, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor princesscorgi2 was a quiet and introverted mom, so she liked to go out and do something with her husband and toddler on the Saturday before Mother's Day each year to avoid possible crowds.
Clearly being a jealous woman, her mother-in-law soon declared that she wanted to celebrate on Saturday, because she deserved a Mother's Day celebration of her own instead of letting the Original Poster (OP) celebrate first.
She asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for not celebrating my birthday and Mother's Day on the same day so my mother-in-law can have the actual Mother's Day all for herself?"
The OP celebrated her birthday and Mother's Day one week apart.
"My birthday is a week before Mother’s Day. Usually, we do something small on my birthday for me, like go out to brunch and thrift shopping, and then something small the day before Mother’s Day that my toddler will also enjoy, like the local zoo, museum for kids, or aquarium."
"Then we plan a day for my mother-in-law (MIL) on the actual Mother’s Day itself."
"I really like it this way. The first year we did Mother’s Day brunch and I cooked for her at my house, even though I was freshly postpartum. The second year, we went out to a fancy brunch for her because she loves that type of stuff, and she didn’t even wish me a happy Mother’s Day or anything. The third year, my son was freshly two, so we did a local aquarium, boardwalk, and brunch."
"Every year, she seemed missable."
The OP's MIL clearly wanted to be celebrated first.
"Last year, she announced she’d be taking over the day before Mother’s Day for 'her Mother’s Day,' and I just let it go and gave it to her. The entire day, she just kept talking about how it was her day, and she deserved to be celebrated."
"Now, this year, she told me that the day before Mother’s Day, she wants us to drive to a beach town two hours away to do her Mother’s Day, so my husband 'can just rest on Mother’s Day itself' (so kind of her)."
"She knows that my husband absolutely hates the place she’s asking to go to and that he tires really easily, so he’ll be exhausted the next day. I know he’ll try to muster up the energy to give me the day that I want, but she knows I wouldn’t do that to him because that would be mean."
"She said she doesn’t personally care about the day, but she knows for a fact that my husband wants to do something for her, so this is what she wants."
The OP was reluctant to change her family's annual Mother's Day arrangements.
"My husband thinks she does this because my birthday is the week before, so she assumes I should just celebrate my birthday and Mother’s Day in one and leave the day for her."
"He says he doesn’t agree with her, but he thinks I should be more empathetic and not take it as a slight to me."
"But I don’t want to just give up Mother’s Day because my birthday lands close to it. It doesn’t seem fair to me that I can’t be celebrated when I’m a mom, too. On Father's Day, I take him to see his favorite baseball team and get him a special gift every year."
"What's strange is she acts like Mother’s Day is her birthday or something. I don’t have a relationship with my mom because she was abusive, so I really hoped me and MIL could spend Mother’s Day together celebrating us, but she just doesn’t want to."
"She simply wants it to be a day about her and only her, which is why I think she decided to monopolize the day before and call it 'her Mother’s Day' because she wants the attention on her and for her to be celebrated first."
"Meanwhile, I was just doing it on Saturdays, because I’m a bit of an introvert and wanted to enjoy my time with my toddler in a quieter setting."
"Am I wrong for not wanting to celebrate Mother’s Day on my birthday and just give Mother’s Day to my MIL?"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she deserved honor on Mother's Day. Her mother-in-law could have Grandparents Day.
"Mother’s Day isn’t for grandmas. They have a day. You’re the one in the trenches, not her. It’s your day."
"Let me be abundantly clear: IT'S YOUR DAY."
"Your husband needs to grow a backbone and put his mother in her place. I would never allow my mother to disrespect my wife, the mother of her grandchildren, and myself like that. You disrespect my wife, you disrespect me, mom or not, and I’m not standing idly by."
"Your husband needs to show your son how a man takes care of HIS family. Not the one he came from. You and your son are his family now. His mom needs to see that and respect it, or she will get a phone call and a card in the mail for Mother’s Day." - PitViperGT5
"I'm confused. You've been very generous in celebrating Mother's Day separately, so MIL gets the whole day focused on her. What does your husband want you to do? Is it not enough that MIL gets a whole day to herself?"
"Is the agenda that you can't celebrate at all? Make it make sense." - celticmusebooks
"She sounds insufferable. She is only doing this to be spiteful and try to split you and your husband. She needs to be left alone this year. She is a grandmother, and you are in the thick of mothering. It’s your day." - purplepeopleeater
"NTA. You’re a mother too, not a supporting character in your MIL's life."
"Your husband is only asking you to be empathetic because it’s easier than him having to say no to his mom. Don't set this precedent. If you give up your day now, you’ll be doing it for the next 20 years. Keep your boundaries." - conriva
"It bothers me that he acknowledges it. 'HE THINKS she does this because...' He's frustrated, knows her antics and games, he doesn't want this, and he's not remotely blind to it... not in denial... and he's still over here having his wife adjust, play peace keeper, deal with it..."
"Letting his mom run with the 'I'm doing it for him so he can rest and because he wants this for me so... I guess that's what we'll do' narrative?"
"Stealing her birthday. Stealing her birthday and Mother's Day. Her own day. One day. Three days. All this s**t. A constant barrage."
"Excuse me? No. Nono nonono. He's being a terrible husband and setting a bad example for his kid." - YoshiandAims
Others encouraged the OP to send her husband to his mother's house, so she could enjoy time with her child.
"She's not your mother, so why are you going to these things?"
"Let her just have her son for the day, and you can cuddle with your little one and have a nice, quiet day. No driving two hours away and having to deal with her attitude. Especially as she doesn't seem to celebrate you at all on Mother's Day."
"Let your husband deal with her, LOL. I'm sure he's going to get sick of it real quick." - Lighthouse_on_Mars
"Babe, you deserve a Birthday AND a Mother's Day. They can do their own thing." - Lucidity74
"Tell MIL to celebrate Mother’s Day on her own birthday since she doesn’t care about the day & is only doing something because your husband wants to." - 2tiredforthis
"Your husband should get you flowers for Mother’s Day and should help your child make a little something when he’s of age."
"He can spend the rest of the day with his mother. You aren’t supposed to celebrate his mom. If your mother isn’t around anymore, the day belongs to you and your child." - Traveler691
"If she’s having 'her day' the day before Mother’s Day, why would that equate to a rest day for your husband on Mother’s Day? It seems that if she gets Saturday (that you normally get), you get to celebrate Mother’s Day with your husband and child on Sunday Mother’s Day (that she usually gets)."
"And also, I would personally send him and the kid to the beach with MIL and stay home and treat myself to some peace and quiet. That sounds like a deliberate dig against you." - yarnhooksbooks
"Stop suggesting and just do it. Stay home and enjoy a day with your kid."
"Your husband says to have empathy for her while completely ignoring the fact that she's had decades of Mother's Days already with her kid, while you have less than five, which you've graciously shared and hosted."
"Do what you want with your child on Mother's Day, and the giant mamma's boy can celebrate his mom on Mother's Day. If she wants her grandkid to celebrate her, she can wait until Grandparents Day." - GoodQueenFluffenChop
"This is bizarre to me. You are the mother here, not her. Your husband needs to draw the line and step up in supporting you more, especially if she’s not his direct mother. He needs to be there to support you."
"She sounds very narcissistic and entitled. Stop catering to her!"
"Do your own thing with your child; if he wants to drive two hours, he can. It is absolutely a slight to say he should be able to relax on the day while you’re not even considered." - mntbrrybrnch
"You got a lot of husband problems here."
"Mother's Day is for celebrating mothers actively parenting minor-age children. Your husband should be helping your very young, minor-aged child celebrate you. That's Husband Problem Number One."
"Mothers of adult children can be grateful for a card in the post. Whether genuinely or not, your MIL has said she doesn't personally care for the day, just that her son wants to do something for her. So he knows there's, theoretically, no expectations from her for grand gestures for her; she's only accepting them to please him."
"If he is overwhelmed with the amount of effort he has to make in this space of time, his mother's should be first to get cut. That's Husband Problem Number Two."
"Unless your husband is rolling his birthday celebration into Father's Day (no matter how far apart), he should be opposed to the suggestion that you roll your birthday celebration into Mother's Day (no matter how close together). And he should be pushing back against it, not weaselly trying to negotiate for it. That's Husband Problem Number Three." - Professional_Ruin953
"It’s wild how these MILs think Mother’s Day is a 'Highest Ranking Seniority' award. OP is literally a mother right now doing the actual work of parenting, while MIL is just busy demanding a two-day ego stroke. A quiet day at home sounds like the best birthday gift OP could give herself." - Additional-Tie8949
The subReddit was infuriated by how the OP was being treated by her mother-in-law and how her mother-in-law was essentially attempting to erase her motherhood.
Clearly, the couple needed to set some ground rules.
Either the mother-in-law could be happy with getting Sunday, the official Mother's Day, or she could organize a celebration relaxed enough to allow her adult son to still celebrate with his wife the next day, or she could forfeit her rights to a celebration entirely.
If she kept letting her pride and selfishness get in the way, she wouldn't be getting a celebration at all, on Mother's Day, Grandparents' Day, or maybe any other holiday.
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