One should always try to put others before themselves.
That being said, everyone also deserves a special day, where you are the center of attention, and the one being treated or pampered.
Making it understandable to be disappointed when your friends and family don’t step up to the plate when you expect them to.
Redditor Constant-Scratch1596 was looking forward to this upcoming Mother’s Day much more than any previous Mother’s Day, and knew just how she wanted to celebrate it.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s mother, mother-in-law (MIL) and husband all had their own ideas of how to spend Mother’s Day, none of which aligned with hers.
As a result, the OP decided to take matters into her own hands, angering her family in the process.
Worried that her actions may have been selfish, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AIITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting to prioritize myself on my first mother’s day?”
The OP shared how after her requests for Mother’s Day were ignored, she decided to take matters into her own hands.
“This coming Sunday will be my first mother’s day as a mom, after 3 years of infertility and multiple miscarriages.”
“I think my history may be clouding my judgement here and making me selfish but, at the same time, I’m having a hard time seeing how I’m wrong.”
“I’m hoping you guys can give me some clarity.”
“All I want to do for mother’s day is spend the day with my husband and baby and go for a nice lunch at my favorite restaurant.”
“This has apparently pissed everyone off.”
“My mother wants us to drive 1.5 hours to spend mother’s day with her.”
“I really don’t want to spend 3 hours in a car with a five month old in one day.”
“My MIL wants us to have lunch with her before she goes and has dinner with her mother.”
“My husband says we have to see his mother on mother’s day and, while he’s annoyed that she is only available to see us for lunch, says we will have to plan the day around her availability.”
“She does not want to go to the restaurant that I want to go to, and we can’t go to that restaurant for dinner because of the baby’s bedtime.”
“Maybe I’m being selfish but I feel like this is my first mother’s day and we should do what I want and everyone else can suck it up.”
“My husband thinks I need to compromise and that we can have a perfectly nice lunch that celebrates both me and his mom somewhere that we both like.”
“My mom is upset that no version of our mother’s day plans involve her.”
“I finally broke down and told everyone that I will be going to my favorite restaurant with the baby and that they can all go do whatever they want.”
“Everyone is calling me selfish and overdramatic.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for putting herself first on her first Mother’s Day as a mother.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely correct in believing she deserved to spend her first Mother’s Day exactly as she wanted to, and her family should have been more sympathetic, particularly as her first child proved so difficult to come by.
“Good for you! NTA, and you’re not selfish.”
“I’m honestly shocked that your mother and your MIL aren’t more understanding.”
“Also, congrats on becoming a mom!”
“Enjoy your first Mother’s Day, don’t let them bring you down!”
“You deserve it!”- itsathrowawayduhhhhh
“OP, you are NTA.”
“The very first year I was a mother (and yes, I had a terrible pregnancy and high-risk delivery, but nowhere near the struggles you had to endure), my mother called and asked me what *I* wanted to do to celebrate Mother’s Day.”
“When I asked her for her opinion, she cheerfully said, ‘I’m the grandma. Now YOU are the mother’.”
“I loved her for that.”
“YOU ARE THE MOTHER THIS DAY.”
“Grandmas can wait.”
“Congratulations OP!”- busyshrew
“So, my feeling is that Mother’s Day should be prioritized for the person actually doing the mothering.”
“Same with Father’s Day.”
“Everyone can come to you this year, or they can celebrate it on another day.”
“If they don’t like it, they can pound sand.”
“Your request was VERY reasonable.”
“Nothing you requested is selfish at all.”
“Your husband is behaving horribly – he should ONLY be supporting you right now.”
“It is not your job to put yourself out for the convenience of everyone around you.”
“I’d suggest that his mother and your mother come over on Saturday to see the baby but tell everyone you will not be traveling anywhere this coming weekend.”
“Then, spend Mother’s Day itself how you want to celebrate it.”
“That is a VERY reasonable compromise.”
“We got pushback for a long time on our boundaries, but if you do not set and hold boundaries right now then they will always try to manipulate you.”
“It is not selfish to enforce your boundaries.”
“My MIL tried this after my son was born.”
“I told her you’ve had 40 Mother’s Days, and this is my first.”
“I’ll be doing what I want.”
“Luckily, husband backed me up, and we had a lovely day at the zoo.”- AromaticInvite4278
“Oh is everyone calling you that?”
“Well everyone can have a great big cup of STFU, and you can tell them we all said so! HA!”
“You are a mother too, I sometimes wish that there were a grandparents day, so that when a woman becomes a mother she can be relieved of her duties and be the focus of the attention same for the dad’s on father’s day.”
“Stand your ground and if possible – post this on a meet up mommies group or something seeking like-minded women to start a new tradition.”
“Please update us after MD so we know how your day was.”
“And blessings to your new motherhood.”- Posterbomber
“You should be able to celebrate your first Mother’s Day how you want to.”
“If MIL and your mother really want to spend the day together so bad, they should be coming to you, not the other way around.”
“You are the one with the 5-month-old.”- xdaemonisx
“BS to mom and MIL.”
“Spend your first Mother’s Day with husband and kid.”
“Husband should have YOUR back, not MIL’s.”
“And what will happen when OP is ready to have Thanksgiving at their own home.”
“Christmas at their own home.”
“At what point is it OK to do either?”- KronkLaSworda
“It’s mother’s day, not grandmother’s day.”
“F*ck ’em.”- idontcare8587
“I was very much into my first Mother’s Day – it felt very special, and the first one was important.”
“When my daughter had her first baby, I told her that she gets priority as the latest generation mother – and same with Father’s Day.”
“I didn’t want her stressing about making my day special and ignoring her important place.”-Pattytattat
“Everyone should be celebrating your first Mother’s Day as a mom, especially given your journey to get there.”
“Take the entire day to do whatever YOU want to do, and tell everyone else to buzz off.”
“They had their turn so You deserve to be celebrated without having to worry about anyone else this year!”- grayfern
“I struggled for 2.5 years with infertility and lost two babies in that time.”
“Had multiple procedures to eventually have my now 10-year-old daughter.”
“She happened on the second round of IUI/5th attempt.”
“Whether you went through all that or not, you get to spend Mother’s Day how you want.”
“I don’t see why you can’t just spend a special day with each mom on any other day.”
“What’s the big deal?”
“Many people do the weekend before or weekend after for going out to brunch/dinner to avoid the massive restaurant wait times on that day.”
“I can say that I know when my 10-year-old daughter grows up, she may stop spending actual Mother’s Day with me and want to spend it with her child/children and husband and I’m totally fine with that! It won’t mean she loves me any less.”
“I think you should do what you want, especially with your baby so young, on this Mother’s Day.”
“It wouldn’t be fun dragging her around all day anyways.”- holymolyholyholy
It’s fairly surprising that the OP’s husband wouldn’t put his wife’s wishes first after she gave birth to his first child.
Equally surprising is that the OP’s mother and MIL both put themselves first, instead of the woman who gave birth to their first grandchild.
One can only hope they all have a happy Mother’s Day however they all chose to spend it.