Motherhood. A cause for celebration.
Well for the mom’s who take the role seriously.
What defines a mother?
That seems to be a question that arises now and again.
Does your child have to be human in order for you to be a mom?
Case in point…
Redditor Brunch_with_dogswanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA telling our friend only ‘real moms’ got invitations to our group’s yearly Mother’s Day outing?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Leila and I are friends with 5 other women and have been since middle school.”
“Everyone but us has kids, we have furbabies instead.”
“Once our group had kids, we tried to do a mother’s day lunch with all of us.”
“It didn’t really go over that well because those without kids couldn’t really participate.”
“Like what do I know about late night feedings and diapers and first steps or going through the adoption process.”
“So people without kids were just left out and everyone was ok with that.”
“It’s been like this for the last 11 years.”
“And now it’s turned to their kids and husbands/partners make them brunch together, serve it up.”
“Exchange gifts, stories and spend the day together on one big family outing.”
“Leila got her pup last year.”
“She is 100% the ‘dog mom.'”
“Stickers, shirts, will gift you presents from her dog, sign cards from her dog.”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and it’s cute.”
“She can go overboard, like the birthday party she threw for her pup last month and invited our group and her friends from her doggy daycare.”
“Some of our friends left because a couple of the kids have dog allergies and she had dogs EVERYWHERE and didn’t include that info.”
“She was sad they left so we had to explain to her that she knows some of our friend’s kids have these allergies.”
“And she didn’t give a heads up she invited people to bring her dog’s ‘friends’ from doggy daycare.”
“Eventually she let it go.”
“Mother’s Day rolls around, she came over and was pretty upset, said she needed to vent.”
“She said she was hurt she was left out of the Mother’s Day outing because she’s a ‘dog mom’ and that counts too.”
“I listened to her for a bit but when she started to actually get angry with our other friends, I told her they had a point not inviting us.”
“We could deal with not being invited to one of two celebrations out of the year that’s for families.”
“She asked if that means I don’t think of my cats and dog as family.”
“I told her I do but it’s not the same.”
“I told her that the outing is for ‘real moms’ and their kids.”
“Our friends are actually making sacrifices, giving up time, energy, and resources that we don’t.”
“I gave the example that for her pup, she got her at 11 weeks when she was already born and weaned, she had help training her at a doggy academy, free and easy adoption.”
“She has her in doggy daycare five days a week and anytime she wants to take off, and a groomer does all the bathing and trimming.”
“I told her I’m not trying to take away from the joy being a dog mom brings her, but just trying to highlight how we aren’t the same kind of moms.”
“Leila left after that and none of us have heard from her.”
“The only one who has talked to her, works with her.”
“And says Leila has been making some comments about how she was intentionally left out and her friends don’t take her serious because she doesn’t have a ‘crotch goblin.’
“I’m starting to think I may have messed up and should’ve just been quiet and let her be mad for a bit.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
“Let’s hear some thoughts… NTA.”
“I joke a lot that I’m a dog mom because my dog acts like a toddler but in reality it’s not the same as having a kid.”
“I can leave my dog at home but couldn’t leave a 2 year old at home.”
“It’s not the same.”
“It sounds like she’s pretty self centered anyways so I wouldn’t take her comments too personally.” ~ Obvious-Result6853
“I also jokingly refer to my dog as my toddler and refer to myself as her ‘mom.'”
“But it’s not the same as being a mom to an actual child.”
“I celebrated my mom on Mother’s Day, no gift or anything for me.”
“I’m looking at getting a custom tumblr with my dog on it, though, that says Dog Mom!”
“Just cause I think it’s cute.” ~ graysonflynn
“NTA.”
“Yeah, you would never pop your any aged child into a crate so you can run to the store/salon/post office/work.”
“You can however, do that with dogs.”
“I’m a dog mom and also have a 7 year old human child.” ~ Ks26739
“I had a dog that absolutely was my baby for 14 years.”
“She went everywhere with me.”
“I loved that dog more than anything else in the world.”
“She passed on shortly before I had my baby last year.”
“I miss her fiercely and I think about her all the time and it is absolutely not the same as having a baby.”
“I wouldn’t mind celebrating a mother’s day celebration in honor of dog moms.”
“But I definitely wouldn’t want to spend the day with anyone who threw around the term ‘crotch gremlin.'”
“She’s just looking for an excuse to make more things about her and her dog, and Mothers Day is not the hill to die on there.” ~ QuixoticLogophile
“Same, but I have two cats.”
“I use to call myself a cat mum before my baby was born.”
“I’d even tell my M[other] I[n] L[aw] that they were her grandchildren, when she harassed my husband and I for grandkids.”
“But never would I presume that being a ‘cat mum’ would entitle me to a Mother’s Day celebration.”
“NTA.” ~ Any_Cantaloupe_613
“NTA. Leila needs to get over herself.”
“If you’re child free, fantastic— but you don’t get to be included in a holiday for Moms.”
“Dogs are not children.”
“It’s fine to call yourself a ‘dog mom’ if you get that it’s not the same, but people who don’t get that are cringe as hell.” ~ Temporary_Badger
OP wanted to give some further insight…
“Our ‘mom’ friends do not just randomly exclude us.”
“The first two years of others having kids we did celebrate together.”
“Those of us without kids, it was more than just she and I at first, could not talk at length about parenting and families.”
“Going someplace after lunch had to be kid friendly because the parents wanted to have their kids with them.”
“We wanted to go to a bar or a day trip.”
“Our friends with kids have always made sure to not gush about their kids all the time so as a group.”
“We all decided, Leila included, that the Mother’s Day lunch would just be for the moms and their kids.”
“So they can do all the kid friendly activities and gush about their kids all they wanted.”
“Back then, Leila would get bored with them talking about their kids too much or spending too much time and attention on kid pics and not other topics.”
“She still has that same attitude today.”
“And unless she is keeping the info to herself, Leila chooses to be childfree and it’s not an issue of being childless.”
“Her marriage did end because her ex eventually changed his mind to wanting kids.”
“She took it pretty hard when she found out he remarried and has kids now, and got Lemon not too long after that.”
Reddit continued…
“My boyfriend and I adore our dog and call him our son, but we aren’t delusional.”
“We’d never consider ourselves parents!”
“Just because we choose to prioritize a dog doesn’t mean we expect the world to see us as parents.”
“People like OP’s friend make me embarrassed.”
“But I think she’s probably spiralling from her divorce.”
“Her ex wanted kids and she threw herself into dog ownership right after – sounds like a recipe for overcompensating.” ~ vzvv
Yikes…
“NTA. This is coming from someone who is child free.”
“I recognize the difficulty in raising ‘crotch goblins’ as your friend said so callously.”
“It’s not easy and not for everyone.”
“Your friend is not a mom or maternal figure, let alone a mentor to a human child, which is what mother’s day celebrates.”
“Being a dog mom, cat mom, or plant mom is very different.”
“You have a passion to provide for a being outside of your species.”
“But it’s not the same as raising kids, because kids can literally grow up to make the world better or worse.”
“There is more liability in having children and raising them.”
“It’s probably for the best you cut this person off so she can find the right niche.” ~ Snoo_68114
So in closing…
Well OP, Reddit sees you in the clear.
You tried your best.
Now it looks like it’s Leila’s turn to work through some things.
Hopefully the seven of you can talk it out and get back to better times.