Parenting a sibling is never easy.
Older siblings are often expected to be part of the household training.
And yes, parents... always need help.
But that can be difficult for teenagers who are trying to make their own way.
Redditor Hot-Reading5032 found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her education and her family, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for locking my door so my sister can’t get in?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Hi, I'm F[emale] (17), and I live with my mom and my sister with autism (8)."
"She’s an angel most of the time, and I usually love spending time with her."
"But she has a habit of coming into my room at any given time of the day to talk about her interests and what she learnt, and I love hearing her talk."
"That said, for the past few weeks, I’ve been preparing for my SATs and locking in for a few hours every day."
"I asked my mom to keep my sister away from my room during that time so I could focus."
"But apparently, keeping her company for a few hours is too 'overwhelming' for her, and she literally tells my sister to go talk to me when I’m supposed to be studying."
"I asked my mom multiple times to just bear with her, but she’s saying my sister’s talking too much, and she gets a headache when she hears her talk for so long."
"So I started locking my door to not let my sister in, and it's working out really well."
"My mom is mad at me now, though, for being inconsiderate of 'her health' and neglecting my sister."
"I dont think I'm in the wrong at all."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITAH for locking my door so my sister cant bother me while i study?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA—You're trying to study, and your mother is mad because she has to deal with her child."
"Remind her that you're a child studying for an important test and you need peace and quiet."
"Your sister isn't your responsibility in any capacity, and the fact that your mother can't stand to spend time just listening to her says a lot—but also maybe try giving her a book or a game because not everyone likes listening to a person for hours on end."
"So maybe give her a quiet activity or something, but don't feel bad for needing alone time and peace and quiet."
"You're not neglecting her."
"Your sister isn't your responsibility."
"Be very careful because that language makes me think she won't want you to go far for college, so she doesn't have to deal with your sister, and wants you in the house so you'll take care of her." ~ Impressive_Job_4852
"Well, then, tell your mother that she'll have to parent the child she chose to have if your sister can't watch TV."
"Again, are books an option?"
"Letting her play outside, again, she's not your child, and once you leave for college, you won't be around 24/7."
"She needs to be able to amuse herself without you."
"She needs to be able to cope and take care of herself when she's bored—you're almost 10 years apart, and you're going off to college soon, it's something she needs to learn—just because she has autism doesn't mean she can't learn to sit still, to be quiet, or to amuse herself."
"Your mother needs to be able to care for her without you, or you'll spend your adult life caring for a kid you didn't have."
"If you can go to the library or stay with your dad, that may also grant you some alone time and help you both start to transition to where she can learn that you won't be (and shouldn't have to be) around her 24/7." ~ Impressive_Job_4852
"That's great that she's eliminating devices that worsen attention span, but if she isn't giving outlets for her interests or any strategies to deal with her attention-seeking behaviors, then your Mom is failing your sister."
"Your sister will exhaust her friends and employers if she doesn't get treatment for her anti-social behaviors."
"I know 'anti-social' seems mean, but your sister's info-dumping on you is absolutely anti-social behavior."
"No one is owed your attention for extreme amounts of time, especially if you have no interest in their topic." ~ Odd_Interaction7701
"My practical suggestion is that, if you have time afterward to listen for a while, you have your sister make a list of things she wants to tell you and let her present the list to you when you're done. "
"I'm betting she probably would have done that anyway without the list, but the time she spends making the list will give your mom a bit of a break (especially if she can get your sister to make it detailed) so she doesn't forget anything she wants to say, instead of just a list of topics." ~ Bath-Optimal
"I second this great advice."
"OP, you're limited on what you can do because your mom is refusing to parent your sister."
"Finding workarounds like this won't address the root problem, but might make your life easier."
"Another suggestion is to frame things as 'helping' you study."
"I'm totally ripping this from someone I know who went back to school as a parent, and 'let's help mommy study' worked well."
"'Can you draw me a picture so I have something to look forward to when I finish?'"
"Or, 'I'll need a snack break in three hours, can you bring me a granola bar when this timer goes off?'"
"It doesn't sound like your mom will be interested in helping here - in my friend's case, she had her husband who could redirect the kid to 'helping' activities - so your mileage may vary on this one." ~ helloimbeverly
"You're not your sister's parent, though, so it's not your responsibility."
"Locking your door is a good idea. NTA." ~ DazzlingPotion
"NTA. Your mom realizes that you aren’t the parent in this situation, right?"
"She doesn’t get to push her child onto you, especially when it is impacting your study time."
"If she can’t handle a few hours of listening to her child, she’s the biggest AH." ~ Brilliant-Leopard-39
"NTA. I say this as an autistic woman myself, too."
"It's vital for every person, neurodiverse or otherwise, to learn how to respect basic boundaries, and locking your door when you're unavailable is basically just setting a boundary and enforcing it."
"It might be nice to explain to your sister why you're currently less available if you haven't done so, but not being available at all times at your sister's convenience is actually allowing her to practice a skill she'll need all her life." ~ Personal_Bee_3635
"NTA. What your mother is doing sounds like parentification."
"Taking care of your sibling is not your responsibility."
"While yes, it is nice to help out when you can, studying is something you should be able to do without being interrupted."
"What does your mother think will happen when you graduate and go to college?"
"You won’t be home to take care of your sister." ~ More_Blacksmith6854
"NTA. Your mom doesn’t want to parent your sister."
"If she can’t take care of an 8-year-old, she needs to figure something else out; her other child is unavailable."
"Your mom sounds stressed out, but she has to push through."
"Both of her kids need her to step up right now."
"Maybe study at the library or somewhere outside of the house."
"Your mom seems like the type that will push whatever she can onto others unless given no other option."
"Don’t give her the option." ~ Potential_Shoe1068
"Do you have the option of staying with him so you can get a break?"
"Your mother would probably just send her, too, huh?"
"I hope you have the option of moving in with him if she tries to sabotage you leaving home."
"Parents who parentify their children have been known to sabotage them, leaving any way they can."
"She is your sister, NOT your child."
"You didn't give birth to her, and you aren't responsible for her."
"It's nice to help out sometimes, but your mom should not be overwhelmed by having to deal with her for an hour or two."
"That tells me that she's putting way too much on you."
"Get a part-time job, study at the library, spend time with friends and other family."
"Your mom needs to get used to not having you there to rely on, and you need your own life."
"If necessary, escape any way you can. NTA." ~ Due-Reflection-1835
"NTA. SATs are not easy and can help you get a direction and possibly scholarships."
"If English is not your first language, that study time is even more important."
"If you could find a study place at school or a public library, that might be a better approach if your mother keeps complaining." ~ Fabulous_Drummer_368
"NTA. Your mom is the parent; she should be the one doing the parenting." ~ indicus23
"NTA- Your mom isn't only parentifying you, she's sabotaging you."
"Probably realizing that you'll be moving on soon and won't be around to take care of your sister for her."
"Stick to locking your doors."
"Study away from home if you have to." ~ cultoftwinkies
Reddit has your back, OP.
You are not the parent.
Your Mom will have to figure this out.
Good Luck.
