Not everyone's life turns out exactly the way they wanted it to.
Often for no particular reason, but sometimes owing to unexpected challenges getting in the way of things.
There are a select few who are lucky and given a second chance to accomplish their dreams.
Even if following through with that second chance is still complicated.
Redditor Haunting-Arugula-311 had two children with her husband.
Owing to a change in his circumstances, the original poster (OP)'s husband felt an urge to change his profession.
A decision that the OP didn't support at all, owing to the potential toll it would take on their family.
Seeing how unhappy her lack of support made her husband, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not supporting my husband quitting his business to become a doctor?"
The OP explained why they were less than supportive in her husband's desired career change:
"My husband (28 M[ale]) and I (27 F[emale]) have two young children (2 and 1)."
"Recently, his father was diagnosed with cancer, and it’s been incredibly hard on him."
"Not long after, his mom had to have stents placed in her heart."
"In the past three weeks alone, he’s taken them to the ER at least five times."
"It’s been a lot, and I truly do understand how overwhelming and emotional that is."
"I’ve tried to be as supportive as I can, stepping up with the kids and continuing to work full time to keep things stable at home."
"About two weeks ago, everything kind of blew up."
"He told me he wants to dissolve his real estate business and go back to school to become a doctor."
"His reasoning is that he wouldn’t be able to run the business while also committing to school full time."
"The part that’s been really hard for me is that I’ve supported him building this business for the past four years."
"I worked full time, raised our newborns and toddler, and held everything together at home while he was able to focus fully on growing the business."
"It wasn’t easy, but now it’s finally at a point where it’s successful and can comfortably support our family."
"And now he wants to walk away from all of that."
"I completely understand where this is coming from emotionally."
"Watching your parents go through serious health issues can change your perspective on everything."
"But at the same time, this decision doesn’t just affect him."
"It affects me and our kids too."
"Going back to school to become a doctor is a long, demanding, and expensive path, and his plan is to fully step away from the business while I continue working full time, take care of the house, and raise our children."
"When I pushed back, things escalated."
"I told him I felt like he was being selfish and not thinking about how this would impact our family."
"Since then, he’s basically shut down."
"He hasn’t been speaking to me for the past two weeks."
"He stopped by this weekend to spend some time with the kids, but he’s been staying at his parents’ house in the meantime."
"I feel really torn."
"I want to support him especially given everything he’s going through with his family."
"But I also feel overwhelmed, hurt, and honestly a little abandoned."
"It feels like I’m being asked to carry everything again, just when things were finally becoming stable."
"AITA for not supporting my husbands goals?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for not supporting her husband's desire to become a doctor.
Everyone agreed that not only was the OP's decision unfair to his family, but it was also impractical, with many pointing out he didn't take all aspects into consideration:
"NTA."
"What is his prior education?"
"Just because he has a sudden urge to be a doctor doesn’t mean he has the ability to even get into med school."- Tls-user
"NTA."
"It sounds like he is having a quarter life crisis and needs therapy."- Logical-Layer9518
"NTA, he is being selfish and not thinking about his family, you said no lies."
"Even then, giving you the silent treatment and leaving you alone with two small kids for weeks is so immature and irresponsible."
"He gets mad and just drops all responsibilities?"
"Really just proves your point that he's selfish."- LuCuriously
"NTA."
"My wife’s best friend is an obs/gyn surgeon."
"The schooling will cost you hundreds of thousands and you will be broke the entire time he’s in school."
"It’s stressful for everyone involved."
"And what if he burns out going to school?"
"Or what if he fails at any point along the way?"
"Med school is an all or nothing situation."- FirstDukeofAnkh
"NTA."
"But I don’t think your husband is emotionally healthy right now due to his parents’ health."
"He needs therapy and time to deal with what’s happening with his parents and fully process that before making any major life decisions. Med school will always be there."
"Based on his reaction to your very reasonable feelings on the topic, it sounds like he’s only interested in being married if you handle literally everything and he gets to flit from dream to dream."- sewingpedals
"NTA."
"He doesn't need med school, he needs therapy."
"He's going through a sh*t ton right now, and probably sees doctors as some sort of savior, and wants to do that too."
"It's probably pretty common, or at least I've known people who've done this too."
"Like I said, therapy."
"and frankly, even if y'all could let him drop everything and go to med school, i'd recommend therapy even more."- taeberry9595
"NTA."
"A career change affects the entire family, especially a change that big."
"That is going to require years of university, plus residencies."
"That is years of work, and a ton of money."
"The time and cost isn’t something to be taken lightly."
"If he’s serious about a career change, he needs to have honest discussions with you, and listen to your pros and cons as well."
"Of course he’s shaken by what is happening to his family."
"But that doesn’t mean he’d be their savior if he had his M.D. Does he have a background in sciences?"
"Would he be starting from scratch?"- catsbutalsobees
"NTA."
"Ask him how long he thinks your family can survive on student loans and no income?"
"4 years of med school, 4 years of residency, and fellowship on top of that for any job that pays well to make up for those lost 10 years."- kennerly
"NTA."
"It sounds like a completely rash decision on his part."
"I’m a doctor and can speak from experience (at least in the US)."
"First of all, he needs to take the MCAT, do well, and assess how realistic his goals are."
"He may not even be a good candidate if he hasn’t taken the right classes or gotten a good enough MCAT score."
"IF he is, then he still needs to apply and get in (at least one year, he’s well missed the deadline for 2027)."
"Then it’s minimum 4y of school (big time loans) and 3-7y residency +\- fellowship (little pay for lot of work)."
"If he has a successful business, financially it’s not worth it unless it is really and truly his dream and he can see no other way to be happy in his life."
"That’s my opinion."- godsavebetty
"NTA."
"Is anyone else reminded of Betty Broderick on this one?"
"She supported her husband through first a medical degree and then a law degree while raising 6 kids or something - and at the end of it all, he left her for his secretary and screwed her out of the money she was entitled to."- Sweeper1985
"NTA."
"This is irresponsible and impulsive, but maybe you can kick the can down the road and see if you can convince him to come back to this in 2-3 years when the kids are older and more stable."
"Call it a compromise, but encourage him to finance plan it out, and work out logistics of raising little ones while going back to school in such an intensive program."
"Or have him look into alternatives, like an x-ray tech."
"Realistically, he’ll shift perspective as this is likely an emotional response to his parents."
"But at least you appeared supportive at a time when he needs it."- Finest_Mediocrity
Medicine doesn't seem to be a dream of the OP's husband.
But rather a coping mechanism, a way for him to process his parents' illness.
Something he won't be able to change in four years of medical school, nor in the years it will take him to prepare for medical school.
Where he could make a difference is continuing to support his family, no doubt making his parents proud in the process.
