Having a job you love is a rare blessing. Most people sacrifice their dreams for a steady paycheck that pays the bills, but if you could have both?
Then imagine having both, but without your significant others support because they want you to earn more money.
A wife who wants her husband to give up his dream job turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Kitchen-Page-2111 asked:
“AITA for telling my husband he needs to quit his dream job?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So I (32, female) and my husband (29, male) live in an area with an extremely high cost of living. I work a job that pays decently well, which is kind of necessary to live where we do.”
“My husband worked a job for 4 years that paid less than mine did, but was okay overall, though he absolutely hated working there.”
“Around October of last year, my husband managed to get a job in his dream career field. He had been working at it for years, and was really excited about finally getting there.”
“The big issue is, the pay in his field is abysmal. He works as a freelancer (which is standard in his industry) so his job has zero benefits, and it’s a pretty significant pay cut from his old job.”
“We don’t have combined finances, and after he took the new job, we had to rearrange how we pay for things to account for his lower income. Previously, he had covered a slightly larger percentage of the expenses due to me having student loans to pay off while he didn’t.”
“As it is now, I have to be the breadwinner since his income was basically halved, paying for a larger portion of the expenses.”
“He just plans on doing this for the rest of his life. He can save some, but it’s not that much given how expensive of an area we live in.”
I sat him down recently and told him I felt he needed to quit his job and find a better-paying field because it just wasn’t feasible. He got upset, since, like I said, this is something he’s dreamed of for years and worked really hard to get, which I understand.”
“But I just feel this isn’t fair to me. We’ve had to cut back on a lot of things and there’s not really any sign of a pay increase at this point. I feel like I’m carrying him.”
“He offered to get a part-time job on the side, but I know anything he could get that would be feasible for him while keeping his current job wouldn’t provide much.”
“He suggested we move somewhere less expensive, to which I said absolutely not, since we’d have to go quite a ways to find something in that range and it’d mean ridiculously long commutes to my work and being further away from my family.”
“He offered to have his parents help, which I don’t want because it’s not a long-term solution.”
“He’s extremely upset, and I understand it, because I know he worked hard to get here. If he quit now, it’d basically kill his career and it would be extremely hard for him to get another shot at this job.”
“It’s not like we’re struggling, which is true, we can pay rent and put food on the table, but I hate feeling like this. I work long days at a rather difficult job, while he works from home doing something he did before as a hobby and only makes half as much money now.”
“My point is that it’s not like he has to stop doing what he does altogether, since as I mentioned, he did it as a hobby beforehand, but he’s upset because he said this is the only thing he’s ever wanted to do career-wise and giving it up now would mean he likely never would be able to make it work.”
“AITA?”
“I understand this is important to him but I’m starting to resent him because I feel like the burden of our finances are being placed on me and we’ve had to cut back on a lot of things.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I feel I might be in the wrong for asking him to quit since he did try to offer solutions and this IS a dream job, but I feel if he can’t contribute more than it’s not feasible career-wise.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was definitely the a**hole (YTA).
“Why does he have to quit if he’s still covering his share? She wants him to quit and go back to covering her share of things. YTA.” ~ PandR1989
“So wait…he still can save some money now with what he’s doing?”
“So, you’re not struggling financially (per your words), he put in 4 years of making less than you yet contributing more than you in a job he hated, and now, is making a lot less but still can put some money, even if just a little, into savings….”
“And you’re b*tching because YOU have to contribute more now for him to have a job he loves‽‽ Boo hoo! You come off as an incredibly selfish, shitty person. YTA.” ~ The_Artsy_Peach
“OMG he’s SAVING a little—she’s so insanely privileged. YTA. Sounds like they live in an expensive place too.”
“OP, do you have any idea what it’s like to actually struggle? There are so many people right now who are struggling and don’t save a dime.”
“He actually sounds like he’s doing well if he’s SAVING in this economy in a job he enjoys. Are you sure you’re not just jealous because maybe you don’t like your own job?” ~ lifeinwentworth
“But you aren’t taking into account the big problem. He’s not helping her pay off her loans enough now.”
“She’s got to pay off her own loans while living in a pricey place because her family and her commute are important to her. YTA, OP.” ~ Aivellac
“YTA. Why don’t you want your husband to be happy?” ~ Dear_Equivalent_9692
“YTA. It’s been less than a year and he sacrificed for you for 4 years, so it’s fair to at least try sticking it out a year or so at which he might reasonably start earning more and try his solution of his getting part-time work in the meantime.” ~ Inevitable-Place9950
“You would do this man a huge favor by divorcing him. YTA.” ~ WildLifeMolester
“I’m an artist. I am a freelancer. Somehow I’ve managed to live a pretty good life and paid for it myself.”
“What a concept! Will I ever be rich? Absolutely not. But damn I’m happy. Let your husband be happy too.” ~ RightLocal1356
“Do you love your husband or is it all about finances? When he was carrying most of the expenses for 4 years, you had no issue.”
“Now when it’s your turn to take on more financial responsibility and give your husband a chance in his dream job, you want him to quit.”
“I’m sure your husband is starting to resent you for trying to get him to quit his dream job and the overall selfishness and hypocrisy. YTA.” ~ PravinI123
“Here to remind you, you are the a**hole. You claim ‘the most succesful people have to rely on their spouses when work is slow’.”
“So everyone in this ‘industry’ is married, and they all rely on their spouses? Unless they’re freelancers in the wife-having-deadbeat industry, I call bullsh*t.”
“You keep repeating ‘it’s not feasible’, but do you really expect people to blindly agree with you based on ‘everything I’ve heard’ with nothing factual to back that up? You can’t even support your argument with facts.”
“I don’t know why you’re so incredulous about your husband’s ability to work his way up or succeed.
“It sounds like he supported you by helping you pay back your student loans, and after years of work he invested in you, you aren’t even willing to give him a chance at finding his own happiness and success.”
“Based on everything you said, he may be making less than he used to, but clearly he’s gainfully employed. You just seem greedy.”
“I don’t know why you wanted to rope the internet into your personal insecurities—normally I wouldn’t respond to something like this. But hopefully all these responses are a splash of cold water in your face. YTA.” ~ naneek_
“You haven’t even given him a minimum of a YEAR. As a spouse you should be his cheerleader, number one fan etc… not be so discouraging and demoralizing.”
“There’s more to life than money. Wouldn’t you want your spouse to be happy following his dream instead of miserable working a 9-5 job?”
“He’s willing to compromise and get a part-time job to supplement the income—what’s wrong with that? YTA.” ~ Consistent_Jello_318
“You’ve already said it IS feasible though. You’re just not willing to sacrifice anything for his happiness & wellbeing.”
“Despite you earning more than him, he contributed more to the household than you did, while working a job he was miserable in, so that you could pay down your debt.”
“But now that it has come time for him to try and better himself and find some joy in his worklife, you’ve told him ‘too bad, so sad, I don’t care about you at all’.”
“You’ve taken his love, you’ve taken his money, and now you’ll take his happiness and shrivel his soul. Simply so that you don’t have to change anything about your own lifestyle.”
“You don’t love him. YTA.” ~ WeOnceWereWorriers
If the OP came for validation, they didn’t get any.
Instead, they got a wake-up call. Hopefully, they pay attention.