Most people want to be as supportive as possible of their partner’s dreams and aspirations, but some dreams can be asking just a bit too much of a spouse.
A person on Reddit found themself in this situation when their husband decided to quit his stable job to pursue a career in music, despite their financial burdens and their plans to have a child soon.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by iCandoit010 on the site, wasn’t sure about how they handled the situation, so they went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
“AITA for not supporting my husband’s dream to have a music career?”
“My husband and I both work full-time in our respective field. He’s an IT manager while I work as a pharmacist. Last year during lockdown my husband started producing music.”
“First it was just beats and cord progression, until later last year he made a full song with lyrics and accompaniment. (I’m sorry I am not very familiar with musical terms). He became a member of a community of Independent artists and they support each other though promotion, streaming and collaborations. My husband turned our guest room into his music studio.”
“I was happy and proud of him for finding an outlet and doing what he loves. But recently he told me that he wants to produce music full time. I asked what he meant and he said he wants to quit his job. I initially thought he was joking but he looked serious and he said he wants to make it big in the music industry.”
“I told him O totally support his passion but quitting his job is not a very wise idea right now as we have a mortgage and car/ credit card payments to make. We’re also trying to get pregnant and we can’t afford to be a one income household. He told me it’s only hard in the beginning but once he makes his break, we’ll be living in luxury.”
“I still disagreed with him and we got into a pretty heated argument. He thinks I am an asshole for not being a supportive spouse. My mom thinks I am an asshole too. Am I really an asshole for not letting my husband chase after his dream?”
Redditors were then asked to evaluate who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And while they understood OP’s desire to be supportive, they mostly agreed with them that this was a terrible idea.
NTA. Someone has to be pragmatic and that’s you. Try and get him to agree to reach a certain income first with his music production before he quits his current job.” —SirGuestWho
“You are being smart and logical. He is basing his ability to support a family on luck and a wish. There is no guarantee he will make money. You need a steady income.”
“You can still support him as a hobby and once he makes a good side earning from it only then should he quit his job. Look in any finance forum you’d get a similar answer.”
“You and NTA for having fiscal responsibility. Debt is horrible and potentially losing your home due to a dream is not how you” support” your spouse. You’ve been supportive , what you refuse to do is accept a poor financial decision.”
“Don’t back down over this… ive seen this scenario happen far too many times and the outcome is not pretty. Edit: spelling and grammar damn these phones” —Alienne8r
“Rather than trying to get him to agree to reach a certain income first, ask him to show you the numbers. Tell him you are open to being convinced, if he can show a business plan of how he intends to actually make an income rather than chase a dream which may leave you in debt.”
“If he can produce an actual projected income from his music, which includes a marketing plan and sales, then you have a conversation. Otherwise it remains a passionate hobby.” —Aussiealterego
“I run a small business and am immersed in the small business community…”
“This is not how you start a business. He’s acting like there’s only two options: work full time and not produce music or quit.”
“Small businesses are usually built slowly. Is he making ANY income as a hobbyist producer? Does he already have offers of contracts or work that would pay a solid amount of money but he can’t take because of his time limitations?”
“Small business people start doing their work for income in the side, until they are at capacity for the work they can do and income they can make without opening up more time. And a lot of them shift their day job to part time or casual work to give them more space to build their business. In my experience they’ve been bringing in a consistent income for a few years before they look at quitting.”
“If this is his dream that’s fine. But quitting your job when you aren’t consistently bringing in income (no matter how small), with no plan and just a dream of ‘hitting it big’ some day is how you end up ground into frustration and with no choices but to go back to work.”
“Tell him you support his dream, you support it so much that you want it to actually go somewhere and dso you’d like the two of you to do this the smart way, with a plan…” —LimitlessMegan
“NTA – most musicians keep their day job until their able to make an living off their music. It’s great that he found something that loves, but right now he should keep his income until his music can actually support him.”
“Sincerely someone who is dating an musician who still works as an barista to pay the bills.” —wearonewiththevoid
Hopefully OP and their husband can find a way to make this work for both of them.