Bride Asks If She's Wrong Not To Want Friend To Be Bridesmaid Since She's 'Poor'

Following all the joy that comes with discovering you're getting married, many decisions have to be made.

Such as the date, venue, attire.

Perhaps the most challenging decision brides and grooms need to make is who is going to be in their wedding party.

For some, it's an easy solution that they've known their entire lives, for others, it's a bit more complicated.

Redditor Weddin_Secretary5876 remained very close with a group of friends she made in college.

After getting engaged, it was pretty easy for the original poster (OP) to decide who would be in her wedding party.

Unfortunately, the OP didn't want one member of this friend group to be one of her bridesmaids for a very specific reason.

A reason that did not sit well at all with the OP's friend.

Wondering if her feelings were justified, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for not wanting my friend as a bridesmaid since she is poor?"

The OP explained why she felt her friend's financial situation ruled her out as being one of her bridesmaids:

"In college I was in a friend group of 5 other people."

"One of them I don’t talk to anymore, three of them I asked to be in my wedding as bridesmaid and the post is about Sara ( fake name)."

"I have one issue with Sara and that is her money habits."

"She is lovely besides this."

"My issue with Sara is that she expects other people to foot the bill and since I make the most out of my friend group they usually look at me to cover her cost."

"Sara is the main pusher of this."

"If I ever bring it up she claims I am looking down on her for being poor and that it isn’t her fault that teachers don’t make much money."

"It has happened over and over again."

"If I say no, she basically has a tantrum ( in my eyes) and I get called for being selfish."

"It’s annoying, and my other friend also have gotten annoyed with it."

"I decided I didn’t want her as a bridesmaids."

"I don’t want to deal with her whining about money or have to spent my money to cover her cost."

"I tried to call her to tell her why she wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid before I told the other 3 girls."

"I knew it would be a shock and I didn’t want her to learn from someone else."

"She never got back to me."

"I tried to call her three times."

"This weekend I asked the other women and they said yes."

"One of them posted online saying how excited she was and I got a call from Sara."

"I explained why nicely and we got into an argument."

"She claims I am punishing her for being poor and I told her that her money issue is the main reason."

"She is shit talking to the friend group at the moment and I want an outside opinion on this."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they mostly agreed that the OP was the a**Hole for excluding Sara from her bridal party because of money.

Some found the OP's decision justified, feeling she wasn't excluding Sara for being poor, but rather for constantly mooching off of her:

"I was ready to go YTA from the title, but NTA."

"Just FYI though, you're annoyed at her for being an entitled scrounger, not for being poor."

"Don't phrase it like that; it's not a good look for you."- SamShorto

"NTA."

"You titled this really badly lol."

"Like, it's one thing if she can't afford stuff like a Bachelorette party."

"But expecting other people to pay for your sh*t is just entitled"- Flat-Replacement4828

Others didn't find anyone came off looking particularly good in this situation, feeling it was wrong for Sara to mooch, it was wrong for the OP to exclude her owing to money, and it was wrong for the OP's friends to always let her cover Sara's costs:

“'Her money issue' implies that yes you are punishing her for being poor."

"Obviously any reasonable person is going to take offense at that."

"Stop with the shorthand because it’s not helping."

"Be blunt: 'her expecting others to pay for her because she makes less' is the problem not 'her money issue'.”

"Also, if your other friends expect you to pay for a whole second person because you make the most?"

"They’re part of the problem."

"ESH."- paper0wl

While others felt the OP should never use money as a reason to exclude a friend, and that she was expecting far too much of her wedding party:

"YTA."

"At first I was ready to give a NTA verdict because it didn’t seem to be about your friend being poor, just that she expected you to cover costs for certain things."

"Your comments regarding how your bridesmaids need to cough up at least $500 on their dresses plus alterations alone makes you TA."

"That is entitled."

"Your wedding is special to you and you only, it is not anyone else’s special day and expecting them to pay so much for the privilege of accompanying you is out of touch."

"Just because you can afford to spend $3000 on someone else’s wedding doesn’t mean everyone else can or should."

"As a side note, where I am from it would be tacky as hell to ask people to be in your wedding party and then not cover the cost of their dress/suit at the very least."

"If I were a bridesmaid and expected to fork out for a ridiculously expensive dress I’ll never wear again, I would absolutely decline."

"I’m not there to spend my hard earned money on someone else’s wedding day mood board and I could never expect anyone to spend money to attend my wedding."- Tinywrenn

"YTA."

"Because in your follow up posts, you state that it will cost $1,000 for bridesmaid expenses (that's a lot for MOST people with the economy in the toilet right now), and that you and your wealthier friends have expensive tastes in the activities you like to do, pricing Sara out."

"True friends would come up with things to do where everyone would be welcome and could stay connected."

"Board game nights at someone's house."

"Hanging out to watch a movie and make frozen pizza and salad."

"There are lots of ways friends can spend time together that don't need to cost $$."

"I don't blame you for not wanting to pay for Sara when you go to expensive places, and maybe she should just decline those nights, but I do think y'all sound like AHs a bit for how it's become the rich girls and Sara, who is a teacher!"

"It's not like she's lazy or something."- dragonsandvamps

"I’m going with YTA."

"You reek of classism."

"You’ve grown apart."

"You both are better off without each other."

"You for trying to keep an expensive life style and money obsessing and her for complaining for being unable to keep up with you."- FunnyBunnyDolly

"I mean if you don't like her enough to make adjustments to include her in your wedding you can just say that, but it does kinda make YTA tbh."- burritosandboobs

"Wedding costs are absurd, and being in a wedding is a huge burden, and quite frankly it shouldn’t be."

"It’s your wedding, and there’s no reason to destroy a friendship because your friend can’t afford, as a teacher no less, to drop thousands of dollars doing whatever it is you want to do."

"You’re making your choice, and I guess you’ll have to accept the fallout from it."

"YTA."- FlatWonkyFlea

"How much money do you expect each bridesmaid to pay (excluding transportation)?"

"You could have shared that with her and your expectation of equal payments, thereby giving her the choice to accept or decline."

"The tenor of the post leads me to believe that YTA."- boo_sommelier

"I'm going to say YTA."

"Being a bridesmaid has become way too much about spending a ton of money rather than just standing up for the people we love."

"No one is as excited for your wedding as you are, and no one should be expected to pay big bucks for it."- QueenLurleen

"Not inviting someone to be a part of the bridal party in the first place would absolutely be a non-a-hole move... but dis-inviting someone is kind of a high bar."

"Your friendship is most-likely over now."

"You have to know that."

"And while she was behaving badly in your story, the likely point of no return was a decision you made."

"In your story, it seems like you're growing more distant from your friend in general, and money is the root cause."

"If feeling more distant had led to you never inviting her, I'd be on your side, I think... but taking her out of the bridal party is a pretty big, and fairly public slap in the face."

"And the fact that you frame it as being about money, and you call her 'poor' just give me insights into your mind and how you think of 'friends' and money in a way that's not flattering of you."

"YTA."

"P.S. I have had many friends in my life who had more or less money than me by a long shot."

"Rather than trying to cover or be covered by someone else's money, we usually adjusted activities to be something the 'poor' amongst up could afford comfortably."

"All it takes to find solutions and maintain relationships is a bit of effort."- BMal_Suj

It must be frustrating for the OP to constantly have to pick up Sara's tab.

But it must also be fairly embarrassing for Sara to be out and about with friends who can afford things she cannot.

It seems there is middle ground to be reached here, which hopefully the OP and Sara can find.

If it isn't too late...