It’s safe to say that no one would begrudge a bride for wanting to be the center of attention on their wedding day.
Of course, some brides take that notion to the extreme.
Hence why the term “bridezilla” was coined.
If most of the time, that moniker is rather unfair to label most brides, as they are merely ensuring that the day they’ve been dreaming of their entire life goes as planned, it’s hard to say some brides haven’t earned the title.
Redditor Smart-Gas3600 was initially excited to be one of her older sister’s bridesmaids.
However, the original poster (OP) was rather confused when she saw the company she would be joining.
When the OP asked her sister why she chose the bridesmaids she did, she promptly decided that she no longer wanted to be one of her sister’s bridesmaids.
After being scolded by her sister and mother, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to be my sister’s bridesmaid because she chose ‘ugly friends’ to make herself look better?”
The OP explained why she backed out of being one of her sister’s bridesmaids:
“My sister (27 F[emale]) is getting married and asked me (24 F) to be one of her bridesmaids.”
“I was excited — until I found out who the rest of the bridal party was.”
“Every single one of them is someone she’s either not that close to, or has made fun of before for being ‘awkward’ or ‘not photogenic’.”
“Some of her actual best friends — the ones who she sees all the time — weren’t even asked.”
“It felt weird, so I asked her why she picked this group.”
“She kind of laughed and said, ‘You’ll understand when it’s your wedding’.”
“‘You don’t want people who’ll outshine you in your own pictures’.”
“I just stared at her. I asked, ‘So you picked them because you think they’ll make you look better?’”
“She rolled her eyes and said, ‘It’s not that deep’.”
“‘I just want to feel confident that day, and I’m allowed to be a little selfish for my wedding’.”
“That rubbed me the wrong way.”
“I told her I didn’t want to be part of a bridal party built on tearing other people down — even subtly — and that she should’ve picked people she actually cares about.”
“Now she’s calling me judgmental and sensitive, and our mom says I’m being ‘too idealistic’ and should just support her.”
“But I feel like going along with it makes me complicit.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly believed the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to be one of her sister’s bridesmaids.
Everyone agreed that the OP was not being ‘idealistic’, but was instead being noble, and that calling out her sister’s shallow behavior was absolutely the right thing to do.
“NTA.”
“Some may disagree, but I don’t do the ‘they’re family, so I must comply even with things I don’t agree with because they’re family/it’s their day’.”
“They’re saying you’re being judgmental, but they’re literally making a judgment that anyone else would be the center of attention, but the bride.”- secondarytrash
“NTA.”
“I would be extremely hurt if a loved one or someone I thought wanted me to be part of their special day asked me to be part of something like the wedding party, but to be used as a pawn like this.”
“It is mean girl / catty behavior.”
“Yes, she deserves to feel beautiful on her special day, but she’s ugly on the inside for doing this, even if no one else knows.”
“Stay strong.”- AVeryBrownGirlNerd
“NTA.”
“So what does this mean about how she thinks of you?”
“And clearly she doesn’t think much about herself?”
“It’s so sad that women are pushed to feel and act this way when this would likely not be happening to so many grooms.”
“Applause to you for saying something and not participating.”- vibeshop
“NTA and I’d send a message to those girls.”
“Questions will definitely come up why none of her core group were asked and why her sister left.”
“Because she lumped you right in with them.”- lankyturtle229
“‘It’s not that deep’ – correct, it’s incredibly shallow’.
“‘I’m entitled to be selfish because it’s my wedding’ is such a sh*tty mindset.”
“100% NTA.”
“Your sister is a very ugly person on the inside.”- Icy_Finger_6950
“NTA.”
“So she thinks you’re uglier than her too?”
“Ouch.”- Snarkybish03
“NTA.”
“tTell the other Bridesmaids then post an update.”
“Gets popcorn ready.”- slap-a-frap
“NTA.”
“Your sister is shallow.”- lmsampson78
“NTA.”
“That’s such ugly behavior.”- Specific-Big-6274
“NTA.”
“Your sister is the most shallow person I’ve heard about.”
“I wouldn’t want to be a part of this bridal party either.”
“For good measure, I’d let the other bridesmaids know why they were chosen as well.”- GoingNutCracken
“NTA.”
“My best friend is an outright stunner.”
“Prettier than I am in just about every sense.”
“She was my maid of honor because she’s always there for me.”
“Sister must not have any real friends.”- MoreFunDip
“NTA.”
“I think I would also say to the other bridesmaids that they should think long and hard about why sis has chosen them over her closest friends, and decide if they really want to be in the bridal party, because you no longer do.”- Competitive_Papaya11
“NTA.”
“Although my opinion is let her do what she wants, shallow or not, she’ll have to live with the choice of shunning her best friends.”
“I’d be more offended I was asked to stand after being told that and would refuse on that basis.”- Few_Acadia7686
“NTA.”
“I would also feel offended because did she ask because she wants you there or because she thinks it makes her ‘look better’?”
“That’s just icky.”- Kittyqueenrainbow
“NTA.”
“As someone who is planning a wedding and who struggles with cripplingly low self-esteem, I have thought my MOH would outshine me.”
“Of course, I think my best friend is the prettiest lady in the world.”
“But I still chose her, and I never thought about choosing anyone else.”
“I’m a little screwed up.”
“But at least I’m not doing…whatever your sister is doing.”
“That makes me feel better.”- oatsgoatmcgee
“NTA.”
“That’s so gross for everyone involved.”- ImportantRoutine1
“NTA.”
“Although it’s very sad that your sister has such low self-esteem, you have to do what’s right here.”
“And you do realize that her putting you in the bridal party is not a great compliment from her, right?”
“I’m a petty bitch – I would tell these other women what she’s up to.”- C_Majuscula
“NTA.”
“But your sister is right about one thing…. ‘It’s not that deep’.”
“Because picking bridesmaids because the’ll make her look better is indeed ‘not deep’.”- SlothLoverAJE
“NTA.”
“This is so shallow, mean and tells me exactly what kind of person your sister is.”
“If I were you, I’d give the bridesmaids a heads up because they deserve to know they’re being treated like props by someone who thinks so lowly of them.”- Ok-Complex5075
“NTA.”
“Your sister has some issues.”
“Yikes.”- bokatan778
“It’s at that point I would tell each one why they were picked, then tell her ‘best friends’ why they weren’t.”
“But I’m petty.”
“NTA.”- jackiehubertthe3rd
“NTA.”
“Having good judgment and being judgmental are two very different things.”
“I don’t know how close you are to the other bridesmaids but I think it would be a good idea to let them know what she said.”
“Better to know now than go through with this humiliating facade.”- ambercrayon
“NTA.”
“Thank you for doing the right thing.”
“I would consider telling the others, particularly if I could find an anonymous and plausibly deniable way of doing it.”
“They deserve to know.”- nottooparticular
“NTA.”
“She called you ugly and her character is seriously deficient.”
“The marriage is doomed.”
“You are wise not to participate in it.”- Sonsangnim
“NTA if it’s not that big of a deal, share this with the bridal party.”- Elephanty3288
“What’s wrong with having ideals?”
“Kinda sounds like values.”
“NTA.”- walker_s
“NTA.”
“Yikes tho because she probably feels the same about you and me personally?”
“I’d be HURT.”- mangoawaynow
“Your sister is not a good person.”
“NTA.”- Sufficient-Lie1406
“NTA.”
“Your sister is a piece of work.”
“Her black aura will suck you dry.”
“Put some distance between you and her.”- sneksnacc
“NTA.”
“Your sister is a gross human being followed closely by your mom.”- Mochisaurus_rex
The point of having bridesmaids is to have those nearest and dearest to you share your special day with you.
Not to make you look more beautiful by comparison.
Perhaps what the OP’s sister might not have considered, is that lumping the OP in with her chosen set might give her the idea that she fits in with the chosen crowd.
Leaving one to wonder how the OP’s sister could have possibly expected the OP to remain excited about being a bridesmaid.