Sometimes people don't know when to quit, even after being asked to stop.
But does justify any response a person might have for them?
A woman turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict with her sister.
PassengerForsaken793 asked:
"AITA for telling my sister she got what she deserved?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So my sister (31, female) has been with her husband (30, male) for 8 years, married for 3."
"My sister and I (30, female) don't really get on very well; she has cheated on every single person she has ever been in a relationship with, and is very selfish and self centered. If something doesn't revolve around her, she throws a tantrum, and if something she does isn't solely for her benefit, she doesn't do it."
"She is ny sister, and I love her, but I try and avoid being around her as much as possible."
"However, her husband and I have been friends for years, as we were in the same year together at school. He's very different to my sister, and would give the shirt off his back if it would help someone."
"Her and her husband separated recently, as my sister had an affair with her husband's best friend of 25 years. Understandably, this crushed her husband, but he put on a brave face for the sake of their son and hopefully to co-parent civilly."
"I stayed out of it, didn't want to get sucked into the drama. I told both my sister and her husband that I hope they're okay and that was that."
"Recently my sister came to visit me."
"I've lived 200 miles away for 7 years and she's never once visited me before, even though she's been invited numerous times, and proceeded to rant about how the guy she is with now (the affair partner) has changed since they got together and that he doesn't do anything around the house, won't find a job, etc..."
"He was already unemployed when they started their affair. Now she wishes she'd just stayed with her husband, but when she told him that, he laughed at her and said he didn't want her back."
"I didn't want to hear it, and told her as much, but she kept going. After about an hour, I eventually just said 'well you should have thought about that before you started shagging someone else. You brought this on yourself'."
"My sister ended up leaving. My husband thinks what I said was fair enough, but my mum (who also had an affair on my father 20 years ago), thinks what I said was too harsh and it's clear she regrets her behaviour."
"My parents ended up formally separating about 6 months after my dad found out. They did try, but realised that they hated each other and no amout of pretending was going to change that."
"To this day, they still hate each other."
"So now I'm wondering, was what I said too harsh?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I was very harsh with what I said and I'm wondering if I should have said nothing given my sister seems to regret her affair."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. She doesn't regret her behavior. She doesn't like the consequences. She doesn't even seem to miss her ex-husband, just the things he used to do for her." ~ Impressive_Plate8529
"Exactly. She only misses the convenience of having him beside her. It was pure selfishness."
"And also what did your sister expect? It's such a joke that she wanted your sympathy after destroying her marriage. You only told her the truth that others won't say to her face. So NTA." ~ IceSeeker
"She doesn't regret her behavior, she's just mad he won't take her back. NTA." ~ NeedsItRough
"NTA. It looks like your mum is validating her own actions through your sister. She DID bring this upon herself. She made her bed, now she has to sleep in it." ~ Mapilean
"NTA. And your sister doesn't regret what happened. She regrets the outcome, because she's every bit as selfish as you said." ~ Gistradagis
"NTA. You mother is definitely an AH for siding with your sister."
"You are way too patient, as I would have said you got what you deserved after listening to her rant after five minutes." ~ EnFiPs
"NTA. Your mom is wrong. Your sister doesn't regret her behaviour - just the consequences of her behaviour."
"Note that it's only her affair partner's domestic behaviour and the way it makes her extra work that she doesn't like. She still hasn't expressed any personal remorse for the hurt caused to her ex-husband by her own wrong actions."
"Because here's the thing. Her affair partner hasn't changed since the affair started; she's just living with him full-time now. His lack of work ethic used to mean he was the 'fun f*ck buddy with time to play' while her husband was boring - but now she's living with him, that same lack of effort affects her directly, because she's not just visiting and he's still not a team player, so she has to pick up his slack in order to live comfortably."
"And she hasn't even broken up with him as a result. She's just...gone and whinged to her ex that it would be nice if he let her come back and pretend that the cheating didn't happen, because he's a better partner." ~ Normal-Height-8577
"NTA. She doesn't truly regret her behaviour because if she did she'd be the first to agree with what you said about how she has nobody to blame but herself, that's where there'd be some element of remorse and accountability on display."
"She's been cycling through the f*ck around and find out stages for a while by the sounds of it, but she'll cheat on her current partner too soon enough." ~ KJPicard24
"You're NTA. Most of us wouldn't have had the patience to listen to an hour's worth of whining like that. You added, 'my mum (who also had an affair on my father 20 years ago), thinks what I said was too harsh'."
"Yeah, of course the model for her behavior agrees with her." ~ Dittoheadforever
"NTA. Regretting your behaviour is doing it once and never doing it again. For her, she probably regrets the easy life she had with the husband. You were not harsh. It's the truth, and sadly for her, it isn't all warm and cuddly." ~ focus_fuel
"NTA, 'it's clear she regrets her behavior...' No, she regrets the consequences of her behavior. If she had ended up with a lawyer or doctor instead of a lazy bum, she wouldn't give the slightest crap about breaking her husband's heart." ~ Stealthy-J
"NTA. No way!!! Cheater mom defends cheater daughter!!! What an unexpected turn!!!" ~ Blacktxz
"Sister FA and FO. Now is pissed because her ex husband won't take her back. You were simply honest. She is now feeling the consequences for probably the first time." ~ helenfirebird
"I personally was about to say I commend your restraint. Your sister not only f*cked around and found out, she also wanted feedback on it from you."
"Genuinely, what was she expecting from you? 'Oh poor you, leaving a good man for a hobosexual. No one could have predicted all of this!'."
"It also tracks that your cheater mum would side with her serial cheater daughter. NTA." ~ Mewsiex
"You didn’t say anything that was untrue or said just to hurt."
"Your mother only is taking this tack because she knows the apple has not fallen far from her as the tree and does not want to address her own moral failures." ~ Odd-End-1405
"NTA! Good for you for calling out your sister’s sh*tty behaviour. Sounds like she absolutely needs to hear it, but unfortunately these people rarely take in the feedback and are always the professional victims despite being the perpetrator." ~ Efficient_Attitude31
"You just gave her the reality check she’s been dodging her whole life and honestly, if you win them how you lose them, she shouldn't be surprised her prize is a lazy cheater." ~ stargirldream
"NTA as she is a repeat offender and it was not just a random guy, it was her husband's best friend and it was seemingly not just a drunken one night stand, but a longer affair. '...and it's clear she regrets her behaviour'."
"And she might regret her behavior now, but for the wrong reasons. It just turned out her affair partner is not so great as a real partner. If he was, she likely would not regret her affair now."
"She only regrets the affair, as it is negatively affecting herself now. She doesn't seem sorry at all how she has hurt her husband and broken up her family." ~ opelan
Politely saying "FAFO" might not have been the kindest response to OP's sister's incessant whining about the situation she placed herself in, but it was effective.
Whether OP's sister wants to hear it or not, she's only suffering the consequences of her own actions.
