Would you lie to cover for someone else’s lies?
What if they’re a family member? Does the lie make a difference in your decision?
A sibling dealing with a sister’s lies turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
AITAH is similar to AITA, but allows a wider variety of topics, doesn’t have official voting acronyms, and doesn’t tabulate a final judgment score.
Ok_Client3075 asked:
“AITAH for denying my sister’s lies in front of her in laws?
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I am 25, female and have an older sister Kate (30, female). She and I were never close due to our age difference and because she hated that our dad married my mom and had me after divorcing her mother.”
“Kate claims dad told her he never loved her mother, that my mom was his true love, that our dad always compared the 2 of us, asked her why she has to be a difficult child, and that overall dad loved me more.”
“On the other hand, dad claims none of that is true, that she was very problematic and insolent. His version is backed up by my mother, our dad’s parents, our paternal aunts and uncles, and our paternal cousins, so I assume Kate was never 100% honest and has always had some kind of conflict with our father’s entire family.”
“I only saw times when Kate claimed she was being financially abused because after she got suspended from school for smoking, our father wouldn’t buy her something expensive she wanted. And when our father took away her car after she got caught driving under the influence.”
“Kate calls that abuse and favoritism—even though I never got suspended or even a parking ticket. My father calls it punishment for breaking the rules.”
“When Kate was 17, she called our grandma (dad’s mother) an ‘old, outdated f*cking hag’ to her face. Why? Because grandma told her she couldn’t wear a black T-shirt with a pentagram on it to our cousin’s baptism ceremony. I was 12 when it happened, so I remember it clearly.”
“Anyways, these are their problems that do not concern me. Their relationship with each other isn’t my business.”
“Some time ago, Kate reached out to me and told me she got engaged. I said congrats and everything.”
“She told me she has a favour to ask. She told me her future mother-in-law (MIL) is very family oriented and it does not sit well with her that Kate is estranged from her family.”
“In her words, future MIL considered something is also wrong with Kate and she is also to blame for being no contact with her family, fearing Kate will also influence her son to do the same thing.”
“What Kate wanted from me was for me to meet her future in-laws for them to see she does not hate her family. I joked that future MIL sounds a little insane and I agreed to help her because at the end of the day, I never hated her and I don’t think she hated me either.”
“The fact we are not close does not mean we hate each other or want bad things to happen to the other one.”
“Anyways, I went to meet Kate, her future husband and her future MIL and father-in-law (FIL) at a restaurant. They are very nice people and very warm.”
“At some point, MIL said something along the lines that she is happy to see that the abuse we suffered did not affect our sisterly bond. I was confused and asked what abuse is she talking about while Kate tried to change the subject.”
“MIL said it’s OK, I have nothing to be ashamed of, and that she knows from Kate our parents abused us while growing up.”
“I clarified that this is not true, we were never abused by our parents or anyone in our family, we were raised in a very loving family, we were never hit or spanked no matter what we did, our parents are well off so we always had everything that we wanted, clothes, phones, laptops, cars, etc…”
“MIL got very very angry. She apologised to me and started insulting my sister.”
“She called her a liar, accused her of being manipulative and trying to insert herself into their family by being dishonest. What happened is that Kate accused our parents of many things that are not true to explain why she’s no contact.”
“Now Kate is accusing me of ruining her life. She says her engagement is over, the in-laws hate her, and her fiancé does not trust her anymore.”
“The thing is, I don’t think I did anything wrong. I cannot sit and hear people blasting my parents with her lies and for things that never happened.”
“But still, AITAH for telling the truth?”
Some Redditors still weighed in by using the AITA judgment acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Those Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Something here doesn’t sit right with me. Why would the MIL bring up this subject abruptly at what was supposed to be a family dinner? Was MIL already preloaded with Kate’s weirdness?”
But either way, Kate had no right to slander her parents to gain some pity points in front of fiancé and future in-laws. That’s some very sixth standard bullsh*t. OP, as per the given info, you’re NTA.” ~ ConstructionNo9678
“100% agree with this. Kate FAFO. She never expected to have her lies trotted out, especially in front of someone who knows they were bald-faced lies.”
“I hope you let your parents know exactly what happened, every detail. Cut that toxic liar out of your life.”
“I wonder what she has said about you behind your back? NTA.” ~ Liu1845
“Totally agree, Kate definitely FAFO. She didn’t expect her lies to get exposed, especially in front of someone who knows the truth.”
“Let your parents know what happened, and honestly, cutting her out might be the best move. Who knows what else she’s said about you. You’re NTA!” ~ ahnaofficial
“NTA. Kate lied herself into a corner and it’s not up to OP to get her out of it by starting to lie too.” ~ prwetty_mia
“NTA. Kate lied. You set the record straight. Kate ruined her own life. Sounds like she hasn’t outgrown her need for attention and drama.” ~ Substantialgood4102
“NTA. Kate made a decision to lie and then it bit her in the a**. Sounds like she made her bed and she can lie in it.”
“Seriously though, how dumb is she? If she told her future MIL something that big, of course she would bring it up to you.”
“And if Kate expected you to lie for her, she really is special. And not in the good way. In the eats paste way.” ~ EfficientSociety73
The ones that skipped the voting acronym shared similar sentiments.
“I’d put money on the MIL already knowing Kate was full of sh*t to begin with and this just confirmed it for her. She probably caught her in other lies, saying things that just didn’t add up, etc… That’s why she was so blunt about it with OP.”
“That was sorta mentioned in there somewhere, that Kate was less than truthful. How long would that existence last before they caught on anyway?”
“Then he moves on and she has another perceived betrayal to b*tch and moan about. OP telling the truth just made sure that no one wasted time on this.”
“Maybe next relationship she can come at it more honestly.” ~ Ok-Butterscotch-6432
“Kate did this to herself, and if she keeps hounding you, be sure to let her know that. That’s if you decide to keep contact. If she’s not afraid to lie about abuse to make herself the victim, what else will she lie about?” ~ WiseBat
“Whether Kate was actually abused or not, OP wasn’t and had no reason to back up Kate’s portrayal of them as two kids getting mutually abused.”
“Frankly, if my sibling was telling people we were both abused when I knew I wasn’t, it would cast doubt for me on whether they were, either.” ~ Myrindyl
The OP provided a short update:
“She wrecked her relationship with her in-laws herself. All she had to do was tell the truth, not invent some sob story on how we were both abused during childhood.”
“We were never abused, and I will not start saying I was just to cover up her lies. If you are the type of person to lie about these things, that’s your problem, but I am not, and I will never be.”
“After she calms down, I intend to have a conversation with her to understand what she expected to happen.”
“What I assume is she never expected her MIL to be so blunt with me the first time we met, so her abuse lie could pass as true, and she could use it for why she would not invite her family to the wedding.”
A conversation with her sister might not yield any answers, but at least OP and Kate will get a chance to say their piece.