Woman Berated For Telling 32-Year-Old Brother His 19-Year-Old Girlfriend Is 'Way Too Young' For Him

Love can manifest in all shapes and sizes, and it can appear at any place and at any time.

But in most cases, even still, age gaps are a red flag, even if they have good intentions at the time, cautioned the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Montie04 looked on as her older brother became more and more serious about his girlfriend, including marrying her and having children right away, even though she was only 19 and still figuring out what she wanted to do with her life, while he was well-established and settled in at the age of 32.

Realizing how serious he was getting about her, the Original Poster (OP) tried to be a voice of reason, pointing out that it might be too much to demand of a 19-year-old who still has a lot to figure out, but all she was met with was defensiveness and anger.

She asked the sub:

"Am I the a**hole for telling my brother that his new girlfriend is way too young for him?"

The OP was concerned about how young her brother's girlfriend was.

"My brother is 32 (Male), and he's been dating this girl for about three months. She's 19 (Female), and I'm 28 (Female)."

"I know 32 and 19 is a big age gap, but it's more than that."

"She seems like a really sweet kid, and I don't think she's a bad person or anything, but she has literally zero life experience."

"She's still figuring out what she wants to do with her life, she's never lived alone, and she's never had a serious job."

"My brother, on the other hand, is really settled."

"He has a great career, owns his own home, and is talking about marriage and kids like it's already a given."

When the OP tried to voice her concerns, her brother was furious.

"I brought it up to him because I was worried about him and also worried about her."

"I told him I thought she was way too young and inexperienced to be thinking about marriage and kids with him, and that he was going to end up hurting her or vice versa."

"He got really defensive and told me it was none of my business and that I was being judgmental."

"He said he's happy and that's all that matters."

"Now he's barely talking to me. I honestly thought I was looking out for both of them, but maybe I overstepped."

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were frank, questioning if his girlfriend was the only 19-year-old the OP's brother was spending time with.

"Does he hang out with 19-year-old boys, too?" - ChampagneChardonnay

"This reminds me of a comment that someone made to Jake Gyllenhal, because he kept referring to his co-star Tom Holland as 'kid,' yet his girlfriend is the same age as Tom..." - Mil1512

"Any time an age gap conversation comes up, I always ask who else they hang out with, because it seems to be the only thing that helps it sink in a little bit."

"I don't care if you're male or female, no one is their fully formed self at 18 or 19."

"The other question I ask is, 'Are you the exact same person that you were at that age?' The answer is almost always no. If you are, then that's a whole different issue." - vixiecinder

"I don’t think we need to be sugarcoating anything here. The brother is a predator. He’s not some helpless id**t who doesn’t know what he’s doing; he is actively targeting a teenager because he’s a predator."

"The only sugarcoating I'll offer is that every predator has a first time, where maybe they don't totally 'get' what they're doing or what could happen yet. Maybe she's his first. But it's still happening, and he's still doing it."

"She needs to get out and date someone her age, between 18 and 20, and figure out life together. That's part of the fun! He needs someone HIS age, preferably 30 to 35, who will hold him accountable and challenge him to be his best in his thirties."

"That's what they both deserve, and if he keeps getting defensive, then he needs serious therapy to figure out why." - WillsAtHome907555

"I'm going to be honest with you. I've been in this situation, except I was the 19-year-old. I don't know what the h**l I was thinking, but I'm so glad I did not marry him (and he did want to get married)."

"I feel like he wanted to date me, because I was young, and he thought he could get away with more if he didn't date a woman his own age."

"I'm not saying that's what your brother thinks, but there are definitely men out there who think that way. That a younger woman will put up with stuff that a more mature one won't. I think there's also a very good chance that if they did get married, she would come to regret settling down so young." - MysteryBelle_NC

Others spoke from experience about either dating or marrying someone who was significantly older.

"NTA. I was the 19-year-old girl who married the 32-year-old man. He was fun. He was my best friend."

"But when he turned 40, I realized that I had grown up and he wasn't going to grow up any more than he already had." - HugeLittleDogs

"I was 20, and he was 35, and what really got me was when you reach the age they were when they met you. It truly brings it into focus just how crazy the whole thing was. At 35, I could never look at a 20-year-old romantically." - shyagustretiring

"I was 18 when I started dating my ex, and he was 24. Seems like a small difference, but at those ages, it was significant."

"And when I turned 24, I wondered what the heck he was doing. I was so much more mature than 18-year-olds and didn't see them as attractive or dateable. But he was still getting drunk and passing out on the bathroom floor."

"I always said I grew up and he just stayed the same." - newoldclam

"I was 18 and just finished high school. He was 25 and had just graduated from university. The first summer together was fun, and then real life happened."

"I almost lost my first real job by listening to him. He said that being on time for work wasn't important. It was, I was rolling in 30 minutes or more late every day. I'm lucky my boss gave me a warning and that I listened."

"Once I gained more life experience, I stopped listening to my ex's advice because so much of it was crap. He came from a wealthy country club background. I learned that money doesn't mean you're smart." - Wise-Paper8412

"NTA. I had a similar experience, except I was 17 and he was 24. We dated for seven years, and I realized that it wasn't my maturity that led to our relationship but rather his trauma. He was stuck in his trauma and wasn't mentally progressing past it, and the older I got, the more apparent and depressing that got."

"Unfortunately, he developed schizophrenia, and it was a really difficult situation to move on from. Maybe there are some age gap relationships that aren't due to issues like this, but I think it's worth having some much deeper conversations and reflection with your brother to understand his perspective."

"You refer to him as 'settled,' but perhaps there is something deeper going on, and he needs help." - dauntlesshobbit

"It’s not necessarily about the age difference; some people are just stuck. My first serious relationship was me 19 and him 21. We were together for four years, and he was the same all this time. He even argued with me about it, like, 'I don’t understand, I’m the same I was when we met,' to which I responded, with much emphasis, 'THAT'S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM, DUDE!'"

"That’s the time to grow, change, develop, and learn who you are as a person, what you want in life, and I’m not the same girl you met at 19! He just couldn’t believe or understand and stared at me with his Pikachu face like I was speaking Chinese or something. " Let's just say I was sad for a day about the breakup and then felt immense relief." - Puking-Cat

The subReddit couldn't help but side-eye the OP's brother, not just for dating a 19-year-old but for being so defensive about dating her and being so serious about marriage and children so soon after the relationship started.

Since his girlfriend didn't even know what she wanted to do with her life yet, she needed time to decide where marriage fit into her future vision, let alone how children would fit in.

If he really cared about her, he'd give her space to explore all of those things, rather than pushing her to think about it a quarter of a year into a relationship with a significant age gap.