When we are going through a difficult moment in our lives, like a breakup, for example, we expect our support systems—whoever that may be—to be our sounding board and our comfort.
While designated duty is typically to lift us and tell us everything will be okay, we expect them to be honest with us… even if we don’t want to hear it.
We don’t necessarily want them to tell us the situation we are in is a direct action of our consequences, but we shouldn’t be upset if that is, in fact, the reality.
A woman on Reddit caused outrage in her family after she told her cheating sister that her recent breakup was well-deserved, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor MassiveMechanic2208 asked:
“AITA for telling my sister that she “deserved” her breakup after what she did to her ex?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This has been eating at me for a while, and my family is split on who’s in the wrong, so I need outside opinions.”
“My sister, *Anna* (27/F[emale]), was dating *Mark* (29/M[ale]) for about three years.”
“They lived together, had a dog together, and honestly seemed perfect for each other.”
“Mark was a good guy—stable job, treated Anna really well, and was basically part of the family.”
“I liked him, and even our parents adored him.”
“A few months ago, Anna told me that she was starting to feel ‘bored’ in the relationship.”
“She said Mark was a little too predictable and that she missed the excitement of dating.”
“I told her that was normal after a while and suggested they plan something spontaneous or talk things through, but she seemed set on causing drama.”
“Next thing I know, Anna tells me she’s been secretly flirting with this guy at her gym, *Ethan* (25/M[ale]).”
“She said it was just ‘innocent fun’ to spice things up, but I told her she was playing with fire.”
“Well, apparently that escalated, and she ended up hooking up with Ethan.”
“Mark found out after she left her phone unlocked, and all the texts between her and Ethan were right there.”
“He was devastated and broke up with her immediately.”
“Anna was heartbroken too, but more because she ‘didn’t think he’d find out,’ and she ‘just wanted some fun, not to ruin the relationship.'”
“This is where things get heated.”
“Anna called me crying, saying Mark was being ‘dramatic’ for leaving her over one mistake and that she didn’t deserve to lose everything over a fling.”
“She wanted me to comfort her, but instead, I lost it.”
“I told her that she **deserved** the breakup because she cheated and hurt someone who treated her so well.”
“I said she made her bed, and now she had to lie in it.”
“Anna hung up on me, and now she’s telling everyone in the family that I ‘kicked her while she was down’ and that I’m a terrible sister for not supporting her during a hard time.”
“My parents think I was harsh but agree with what I said, while a few relatives are saying I should’ve been kinder since she’s already suffering the consequences of her actions.”
“So, Reddit, AITA for telling my sister she deserved her breakup?”
Redditors chimed in, and many agreed that OP was simply stating facts and was not the a**hole (NTA) in this situation.
“‘Well, at least she’s not bored anymore.’*insert shrug emoji*” – Haunted_Gaze666
“NTA”
“She wasn’t taking responsibility for her actions.”
“You merely reminded her of the cause and effect.”
“If the truth hurts, she should change her behaviour, not shoot the messenger.” – PetrogradSwe
“Hard NTA.”
“And honestly, thank goodness Mark found out the type of selfish, immature person your sister is before he proposed.”
“Your sister isn’t emotionally mature enough for a relationship with a good guy.” – churchofdan
“Your sister’s self-created drama is like her own personal soap opera, and she’s mad that you’re not playing the role of the sympathetic viewer who applauds her poor decisions.”
“She cheated, got caught, and now wants sympathy for her own mess.”
“She made her bed; she has to lie in it.” – sunshinexjane
“NTA, she did make her bed, and now is lying in it; if everyone tiptoes around her and says that Mark is being unreasonable or whatever, it will not help her learn and grow as a person.”
“You called her out, and she probably needs more people in her life to tell her the hard truth.”
“Hopefully, she grows from this.” – Spoopyowo
“You’re not the a-hole for telling your sister she deserved the breakup, you’re the only one in this situation brave enough to call out her manipulative self-pity for what it is—an attempt to avoid responsibility for her selfishness.”
“Anna destroyed her relationship, not out of passion or desperation, but because she was bored and craving attention.”
“She made a series of calculated choices to indulge herself at the expense of someone who genuinely cared for her.”
“And now she wants to play the victim, weaponizing her hurt feelings to get you to absolve her of the consequences she so obviously earned.”
“Your family members coddling her aren’t helping her grow; they’re just enabling her to continue dodging accountability.”
“The real reason she’s upset isn’t because Mark left—it’s because she’s being forced to confront the fact that her actions have real consequences.”
“Is your sister’s suffering truly about the breakup, or is it about the fact that she’s no longer in control of the narrative she created?” – Inevitable-Pie1902
“The pot is black; there’s no way to sugarcoat it.”
“Sometimes you need to just say it as it is, just rip that band-aid off.”
“NTA” – LiketoChillatHome
“Ahhh, it’s a delicious meal where FAFO is the appetizer and karma is the main course! 😂😆🤣 You are 1,000,000% NTA.”
“She only wanted you to tell her that what she did was okay.”
“She’s only trying to justify her actions.”
“You warned her, and she still did it.”
“Cheating is not ‘innocent fun,’ and anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot.”
“‘didn’t think he’d find out,’ and she ‘just wanted some fun, not to ruin the relationship.’ Is she really that delusional?”
“Mark was being ‘dramatic’ for leaving her over one mistake and that she didn’t deserve to lose everything over a fling.”
“That was NOT a mistake, and she knows it.” – CatMom8787
“Nope, NTA.”
“Your sister is a entitled Muppet who got exactly what she deserved.”
“Your relatives and sister need to wake up and learn actions have consequences.” – Unable_Ad9611
“Lmao. Cheats on purpose AND is the victim.”
“NTA. Not for nothing but mark is single and tested.” – Quirky_Chicken7937
“She needed a reality check.”
“Got one and didn’t like it. NTA” – JoelPMMichaels
“NTA – you warned her and she ignored it.”
“Rather than talking to her BF she decided to be selfish and was found out.”
“Only be her embracing her failure and pain will she learn from this and that won’t happen if the people around her coddle her.”
“Good luck” – Far_Prior1058″
“NTA, she just mad she has to deal with her consequences.”
“Now she can go date who she wants.”
“She f$&@ed around and found out.”
“Best of luck to her ex, hopefully he’s out there living it up.” – fulcrum_ct-7567
“NTA. You told the unvarnished truth.”
“She made a choice, and now she’s facing the consequences.”
“She didn’t make ‘one mistake,’ she made a series of decisions culminating in cheating.”
“Her boyfriend isn’t being dramatic. He’s respecting himself.” – Alien_lifeform_666
“NTA. You spoke truth.” – Weekend-Smooth
“NTA. Giving people empty platitudes of support isn’t constructive.” – Tall_Donald_Glover
“That’s not ‘one mistake.’ That is a series of deliberate choices.”
“You saved him from a serious long-term problem.”
“What happens next time she’s ‘bored?'”
“You didn’t kick her, and if she plays victim, it’s on her.”
“Tough love, you don’t stop being there, but you don’t have to jump in the dumpster fire with them and tell them it’s a beautiful space.” – monkerry
“Why should she be comforted for cheating?”
“She literally cheated on what sounded like an amazing guy and didn’t think her ‘mistake’ (choice) was going to ruin what seemed like a good relationship?”
“Any family member that’s giving you sh*t for not comforting a cheater are better off getting blocked everywhere and you sister is never going to find a man like her ex.” – Queen_Red01
“NTA. You warned her.”
“She’s trying to play the victim and using what you said to become more of a victim to justify her actions.”
“Sometimes people need to be told outright.”
“She won’t get it now that you’re right.”
“Perhaps in time she will” – AdLost2542
“NTA, you warned her and now she has to face the consequences of her actions.” – KickOk5591
“She didn’t make a mistake.”
“She made many, many, many carefully thought out choices with every message, flirt, and hooking up.”
“There was no mistake.”
“No, you’re NTA for telling her the truth and not enabling and excusing cheating.”
“There is no excuse.”
“Anna is toxic for Making you out to be The bad guy.”
“She deserves losing everything.” – Sprinkleshart
Even though OP still has kinks to work out with her sister, her fellow Redditors seem to think she was providing a service by being honest.
Hopefully she can find some comfort in their words and realize she was simply being truthful.