In the United States, nearly 50,000 organ transplants are performed annually. But over 100,000 people are currently on the national transplant waiting list.
While most people think of deaths after accidents as the source of transplant organs, living donors can share a kidney, liver tissue, lung tissue, as well as other tissues with a compatible recipient.
About 6,500 living donation transplants take place each year in the United States.
A young man being pressured to donate a kidney turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Exo_Skeleton99 asked:
"AITAH for refusing to donate a kidney to my stepdad that raised me and paid for my college?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So my stepdad (56, male) has severe kidney failure is looking for a transplant. His immediate family isn't compatible, so my mom told me (27, male) to get myself tested."
"I'm a bit wary of the risks of a kidney transplant, so I was hoping the whole time that I wouldn't be compatible. The results came back and turns out I was."
"Even though I'm afraid of the transplant, I was considering it for a while as my stepdad is a great guy. He joined our family while I was in high school and took me in like his own. When he married my mom, he told me that he'll take care of my tuition and other living costs for me."
"I told my mom the results, but SPECIFICALLY asked her to keep it quiet for a few days so I could have some time to process it. At the same time, I was also hoping another donor would come in to help out."
"Alas, literally the next day the whole family was texting me and giving me their thanks already."
"I didn't want to cave in to the pressure, so I told them that I'll not be doing it. My stepdad was incredibly graceful and just said that he understands."
"The problem is my mom and other family members went absolutely ballistic. They called me all sorts of names, and said that if it weren't for my stepdad we would've been out on the streets."
"I do think that she's right regarding that, but at the same time, I'm just not ready to go through the whole operation."
"Also, it really left a bad taste in my mouth how I feel like they just EXPECT me to do it as if it's the easiest thing to do, while they don't have that same pressure put upon them as they're all incompatible."
"Anyways, I might still go back on my decision as I do have the time, but right now I'm just not sure."
"AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP wasn't wrong to want time and no pressure to make his decision (NTA).
"If you live in the US, there are donor programs where anyone can give one of their kidneys to a stranger, and return they receive a voucher to give to the person of their choice to bypass the list."
"So anyone in your family or friend circle or a complete stranger can save him, it is not solely on your shoulders."
"Please pass the word, if you live in the US, don’t allow people to demonize others for not donating if they themselves have 2 healthy kidneys."
"OP, unless everyone condemning or pressuring you hasn't donated a kidney yet or signed up to donate one once a match is found, tell them their hypocrites that need to STFU. Judgement is easy, but selfless action? That’s just heroic." ~ Sweet-Lobster9977
"Damn, so anyone in that circle could step up, donate to a stranger, and secure a voucher to get the step-dad a matching kidney. That completely removes incompatibility as an excuse." ~ tillybean331
"I got a kidney transplant 10 years ago thanks to this system, and thanks to my uncle who gave his kidney to a stranger. I wish everyone understood that 'matching' does not matter anymore." ~ Veni-Vidi-ASCII
"OP, here is the answer, your mom and everyone criticizing you can donate and get a voucher for your stepfather. If they refuse to do it, tell them they can't pressure you ever again." ~ XxCarlxX
"I listened to someone who went through that program and donated to a stranger to help a high school friend who was on the list.. her donation created a domino effect and she ended up saving not only her friend and the stranger's life, but also hundreds of other lives."
"It really is amazing… that said, it a huge f*cking deal to donate an organ and no one should be making OP feel bad for not wanting to do it, especially if they won't, it’s a huge thing." ~ OriginalSchmidt1
"My MIL donated her kidney to get her neighbor (who she was not a match to) bumped to the top of the list. He had to wait a few months, but went right to the top and receieved his when a match became available."
"The neighbor still has no idea she did it for him. She's pretty awesome. BUT this is a major surgery and my MIL is retired, so she's not facing the same things in life that OP currently is."
"I hope OP can pass this info onto his family that's pestering him and blaming him for this perceived lack of help. It's a major surgery and he is right to be hesitant." ~ dawnmadi
"Anyone unwilling to put their kidney where their mouth is needs to STFU.
"I almost lost a dear friend to kidney failure. He very likely had days left, not weeks, when a tragic miracle saved his life. I've seen what a difference a single organ donation can make across a spectrum of lives.
"I can't donate an organ due to my own medical issues. And even if I could, I'm not sure if I would. I don't blame anyone at all for choosing not to."
"But shaming someone else for not doing so while having two kidneys and never having given up a liver lobe, and not even being on the donor list and ready to follow through, is behavior that should be shamed." ~ Alert-Potato
"OP, say you'll do it if every single person pressuring you signs up for this. If they back out, they can't ever complain or insult you again."
"It'll set them against each other too, possibly, and the heat will be off you." ~ DreddPirateBob808
"so i'm a kidney donor. in my experience the people that do the donor programs take the voluntary nature of it extremely serious, if they catch a whiff of coercion or unwillingness, they won't want you as a donor."
"if you want to take the path of least resistance, tell your family you changed your mind, you'll do it, and then when you get to the clinic tell them you're being pressured. they'll disqualify you and come up with a plausible medical reason why you can't donate."
"i should say though, that the risks of donating are never zero, but they're very, very low. tomorrow will be four years since i donated and i genuinely can't tell the difference. the stuff i need to do to take care of myself is all basic staying healthy sh*t, drink a lot of water, watch what i eat, stuff like that."
"the only real sacrifice is, i can't eat ibuprofin like pez like i used to."
"it isn't something you should do if you're not 100% sure you want to do it, and you can not want to do it for any reason or none at all, but if you're on the fence at all about it, it might be worth your while to gather some more info." ~ estolad
"I am also a donor and I agree with all of this! The donor program can 'run another test' and tell your family that it disqualifies you without telling your family anything other than you can no longer do it." ~ mollimichelle
"I will second this as a living kidney donor. I’m 11 years out in 2 weeks - I can’t take NSAIDs, and recovery was a little harder than it should’ve been because it was June in Louisiana and walking outside is hard enough without recovering from major surgery that temporarily reduces your kidney function to around 55%."
"I had a successful and complication-free pregnancy 4 years after donation, and any other changes to my body could just as easily be explained by aging 11 years. I still get my panels run annually and they’re the same as before I donated. I do have a wicked scar through my belly button because they couldn’t use my existing Cesarean scar, but my nieces and nephew still have a dad so I’m proud of it now."
"That being said, it isn’t without risks. That’s what the testing is for but there could always be something unknown and unforeseeable. And no one should ever take donation lightly."
"It’s really easy to be told you’re an a**hole by people who aren’t about to go under the knife. I spent a month absolutely on the verge of panic because I’d never been under general anesthesia before the donation, but it all worked out okay."
"I don’t ever judge anyone who doesn’t want to or cannot donate. It was the right choice for me and my family, and I’m happy I did it. But that’s not something that can be applied to anyone else’s situation. That was just us, and just then." ~ Jade_Echo
No one should be pressured into doing anything with their body against their will.
