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Woman Devastated To Learn Her Estranged Dad Only Reached Out Because He Needs A Kidney

Photo by Claudia Wolff/Unsplash

There are a lot of great gift ideas out there that don’t have to cost you an arm and a leg.

But what about an organ? Say a kidney?

Have you ever wondered what you would do if someone asked you for an organ of some kind?

And if that someone wasn’t a person on top of your favorite’s list, do you still consider it?

Case in point…

Redditor SurfingPonytato wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for refusing to be tested to see if my kidney is a match for my biological father?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I am a 23-year-old woman who was raised by my mother and her husband who raised me since I was 4 years old, after my biological father walked out on my mother and me when I was a baby.”

“My stepfather is my father in every way that matters and I wouldn’t change him for anything.”

“A few months ago my biological father got in contact and wanted to meet. I allowed it and slowly started to get to know him, mostly because it turns out I have younger half-siblings and I didn’t want to cut them off.”

“Plus despite it all I wanted to try and understand the ‘why’ behind him walking out and try to move beyond it.”

“A couple of days ago though I realized the truth behind his reaching out.”

“He revealed he needs a kidney transplant and none of my half-siblings are a match, he wants me to be tested.”

“I was honestly hurt by this as he clearly only reached out to me as a last resort and saw me as nothing more than a back up to try and get an organ from.”

“I’ve told him I won’t get tested, but he is trying to guilt me over his health and my younger half-siblings are begging me to get tested.”

“AITA for saying no?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole. 

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA – You are never obligated to give up a body part.”

“Even if they had always been in your life and were the best parent ever, you would still not be obligated.”

“You are not a repository of spare parts for him.”

“And let’s face it, a really caring parent likely wouldn’t even ask it of their child, never mind put the pressure on!”

“If you are being pressured too much, you could go to get tested but tell the doctor that you are being pressured into donating so they will report you are not a match. Good luck!”  ~ Catatomical

“Hey your dad is LYING to you.”

“Your half siblings can do a paired donation and your dad would get a kidney.”

“He just doesn’t want to risk any of the kids from that litter.”

“Google kidney donation paired to understand.”  ~ TigerBelmont

“NTA. And if you do get tested to just keep the peace, you can tell the doctor that you are being pressured to get tested and they will mark you as not a match.”

“I have a friend that donated her kidney to her dad and there is a whole process to go through.”

“I believe she had to have three therapy sessions to determine that this was really something she wanted to go through.” 

“There is also more than just seeing if the organ is a match.”

“My friend then had to get a complete physical work up to ensure that she wasn’t taking any medications that could cause her dad to reject the kidney.”

“She had to be tested for diabetes and other things take several pregnancy tests throughout the process, and then had to meet with the phycologist.”

“It was a whole thing that took weeks. So you could actually be a match but still not a suitable donor. I learned so much from her.”  ~ SimplySam4210

“NTA. You can go to get ‘tested’ and have the doctor tell your relatives that you’re not a match without actually testing you.”

“If you tell them that you’re being pressured into it and you don’t want to do it, they’ll say you’re not a match and not a candidate for kidney donation.”

“Your half-siblings, if they would want to donate a kidney, can look into a donor trade so he and someone else can get a matching kidney.” ~ Sandmint

“Not sure if anyone said this yet, but kidney disease might run in the family if your bio dad needs a transplant, so you could be putting your current and future health at risk.”

“You don’t owe this guy anything, especially since he only remembers you after he needs your organ. “

“This is not the same as donating to a stranger as he is deliberately trying to manipulate you by connecting to you as a ‘father’ and then guilting you by having your half-siblings beg you to get tested.”

“I would 100% follow what the other commenters mentioned about telling the doctor about your situation.”

“You are not obligated to give up a piece of your body even if you were close. NTA.” ~ UpsideDreamingDown

“NTA. Your bio dad is a huge a**hole.”

“You’re only 23 you have a long life ahead, you may want kids, your kids may need a kidney, you may have complications from it.”

“You can’t just abandon your child and then come back when you want an organ and expect them to be all smiles and be like yes of course I’ll get tested.”

“Does he not think that the doctors and therapists will see through it all.”

“They’ll probably be able to sense that you are being pressured into it so it just wouldn’t happen.”

“You don’t owe him a single thing.”  ~ PsychologicalPhone94

“NTA. Even if it was your mom who needed a kidney, you would not be an AH for refusing.”

“It’s your body and having only one kidney means medical restrictions, which you may not be willing to endure.”

“That is fine. It’s your own body.”

“While I understand that your biodad is probably desperate for the kidney, it is your decision.”

“Don’t let them guilt trip you into doing something you would be regretting for the rest of your life.”  ~ ijustwanttoaskaq123

“NTA- kidney transplantation is major surgery and has a lifelong impact on everyone involved.”

“Nobody can expect you to donate an organ regardless of your relationship with them.”

“In your case, it makes him a huge AH to ask after having no contact.”

“Do not let be pressured into this- it has to be entirely your choice!” ~ Think-Professional-2

This is a heavy one.

I mean, I wouldn’t even know where to begin on how to decide. Thankfully I’m not dishing feedback.

It’s pretty clear how Reddit feels.

Hopefully this man’s health situation takes a brighter turn. And then maybe he and our OP can find a way to work this out.

Maybe they can even find healing no matter what.

Hey… miracles can happen.