in ,

Gay Couple Called Out For Turning Tables On Nephew Who Asked Which Of Them Was ‘The Woman’


Redditor Ok-Independence-9919 is a gay married man who has a nephew whom he referred to as the “formerly adorably precocious kid.”

The nephew, now in his “edgy teen” phase, tried to get a rise out of the Redditor with a provocative question during a recent family gathering.

But instead of being offended, the Redditor deployed a tactic that was later criticized by another family member.

Seeking a second opinion for his actions, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for mocking my nephew and ganging up on him for asking whether me or my husband was ‘the woman’?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My family (my folks, my brother and his family, my sister and her family, me and my husband) had our first get together since the thing started on the weekend (we’re all vaccinated now), during which I discovered my formerly adorably precocious kid of a nephew has hit his ‘edgy teen’ stage with gusto.”

“He had an attitude all afternoon, which culminated in him asking me and my husband (gay couple) which of us was the ‘woman’.”

“I was pretty taken aback and just said ‘neither of us, we’re both men, that’s the point’, at which point he came up with some evo-psych BS about how male always seeks female and therefore even with two guys, one will always be the more feminine or something.”

“The thing is, I know he knows better and his whole attitude was blatantly just trying to get a rise.”

“I didn’t feel like ruining a nice afternoon by giving it to him, so instead I decided to make a joke of it and told him seriously that no one had told us that and in that case we’d better figure it out asap huh.”

“My husband grabbed a notepad, drew columns for each of us, and we started noting down our various ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ aspects, deliberately absurd stuff like I wear more pink but he cries easier, he’s much better at sports but I’ve got him beat in survival skills, etc.”

“At some point the other adults minus my folks drifted over to see what we were doing.”

“My brother immediately wanted to join in, saying he’d never really been sure in their case either, so he and his wife started their own list, and my sister and her husband (parents of nephew) followed suit.”

“It was honestly pretty funny, we made up a points system and debated the gendering of breakfast foods.”

“My nephew got more and more sulky (we kept asking for his verdicts) until finally he walked away in disgust and ended up hardly saying a word for the rest of the afternoon.”

“At the time I thought it was a harmless and amusing way of making a point about the stupidity of his argument without giving him the satisfaction of the ‘you’re too sensitive’ rise he was obviously looking for.”

“But earlier today from his brother (19 – he was not at the get-together) saying my nephew was really upset and accusing us of being a bunch of adults ganging up on a child, and of drawing his own parents into it.”

“I honestly hadn’t thought of it in that light, and now that I do, I must admit it’s not a great look.”

“I still think he’s old enough to not be catered to when he acts like this though.”


Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Redditors saw no harm done with the OP calling out his nephew for his presumptuous inquiry.

“NTA. He was being a brat, he knew it. He dished it and couldn’t take it, said loosely because you didn’t even really dish it back. You joked on yourselves. Not him.”

“I think it was a great way to make the point of how ridiculous that statement was.” – PerezFam

“NTA. I love how you handled it. 100% NTA. You had a good time debating the relative masculinity of breakfast burritos versus pancakes.”

“You didn’t lose your cool or humiliate him. Your sentence could have started with ‘Listen up, you little sh*t’ but it didn’t.” – Dezzys2

“They deliberately did not go at the kid, since they knew that’s what he wanted. This is the opposite of a**hole behavior.”

“In fact, I can’t think of a better way to handle the situation they were in; it was perfect. NTA, OP.” – QuentynStark

“This was the perfect response. You made fun of what he said, not of him. Whereas what he said made fun of you and your spouse.”

“You not only taught him how ridiculous his attitude was, you modeled for him how to effectively deal with a personal attack. You’re totally fine and on solid ground here.”

“However, you should talk to his parents and make sure that he’s not being influenced by homophobic friends online or off.”

“This really sounds like something he could’ve picked up during the panini if he’d connected with some toxic group online. NTA.” – usernaym44

“NTA! This was actually a wonderful and generous way to respond to your nephew’s bigotry. (Because even if they are a teen, saying one person of a same-sex couple has to be ‘the woman’ is definitely bigotry.)”

“Your choice to engage with humor addressed the issue, but without escalation or ruining the family visit.”

“Honestly, it sounds like your nephew would have been sulky and upset if you had responded in any way other than affirming is his misguided views.”

“As a teenager, he is old enough to learn that if he dishes out bigoted statements, he needs to be prepared for pushback. Your form of pushback was incredibly gentle, and he should be grateful for that.” – KittySnowpants

“NTA. Also you didn’t ‘gang up’ on him.”

“You mocked his homphobia and gender essentalism and got other people to join in and question their own prejudices. It might be there’s a learning experience here for the young man.” – QTPie2338

Overall, Redditors appreciated the way the OP handled the unwelcome discussion without giving in to berating the nephew.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo