Aging is a normal part of life. As we age, it's inevitable that some activities and skills become more difficult to perform or maybe even impossible.
Hopefully our loved ones are supportive and grant us grace as we age and our abilities change.
A grandmother whose son and daughter-in-law have no understanding of how aging changes expectations turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
More_Present1604 asked:
"AITA for not making my new grandkid a homemade blanket and not giving her one already made?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My son remarried around 6 months ago and my new daughter-in-law (DIL) already had a daughter named Becky. Becky is 10 and overall is a sweet girl."
"When each of the grandkids were born, I made a big blanket for all of them—paper piecing quilts. They take quite a while to make and a lot of cutting. The size of a twin bed."
"I spent a lot of time and effort on all of them. I know most of the kids still use them often. The last one I made was 6 years ago and I struggled to make it."
"My son asked me to make a blanket for Becky. I told him no, because of my arthritis in my hands and I have trouble sewing now. He asked if I would be willing to give her the one that I made for his sister's child. My daughter had a still birth, so the blanket was never used."
"I told him no, that that blanket was meant for someone else and it feels real sh*tty to take it back and give to someone it wasn’t intended for."
"I thought that was the end of it, but I got a call from my DIL, and she was pissed. She claims I am not seeing her kid as my grandkid and I should be stepping up. I told her I can’t make a blanket and she told me to give the old one to her daughter. I told her no."
"She is pissed and I am kinda pissed. My son told me to just give her the blanket or I won’t see the kids."
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I may be the a**hole for not making blanket for my new grandkid and not giving her an old one. They claim I am treating her differently than the other grandkids and I need to give over the blanket."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. You explained why it it not possible for you to make another blanket. It has nothing to do with the girl, but with your health. That's a very valid reason."
"It was very rude to ask for the blanket that was made for his sister's child. He does not get to decide what happens to that blanket." ~ Cautious-Blood-444
"I’m sure your son is only doing that to appease the new wife who is likely berating him and withholding other affection until he can get his mom in line. NTA." ~ AsleepPride309
"NTA, let EVERYONE in the fanily know they pulled this crap. Including the threats. Let the sister's rage at losing her child go somewhere productive..." ~ TiredAndTiredOfIt
"They mention it again, and the mom (the blanket making one) needs to loop in the angel baby's mom. I fear their next stop might be her, who doesn't need the ensuing guilt (or emotional manipulation) especially unawares." ~ Femmack
"My grandma made my sister and I blankets as well, but now that my sister has kids of her own our grandma isn’t able to make such large projects… so I learned how to crochet and made blankets for my niblings myself."
"It’s honestly made me feel so close to my grandma because we’re the only ones in the family who crochet."
"Sounds like son or DIL should step up and carry on the legacy if they want their kids and potential grandkids to have blankets as well." ~ windexfresh
"I’m carrying on this tradition for my mom. She crocheted until a few weeks before her death from dementia. I still have the blanket she was working on and I haven’t been able to look at it yet." ~ MmeThornhill
"There’s a group that has volunteers who will finish projects like that, it’s absolutely beautiful. It’s called Loose Ends." ~ angelbuttons77
"My mom used to knit little sheep stuffies for any babies she knew - she's generally not a crafty person but that was the one thing she did. She's no longer able to do it (arthritis, like the OP), and so she has gifted all her supplies for it to me."
"We don't have kids in my family or among my closest friends, sadly, but whenever I hear that someone I know is going to have a baby, I still make a sheepie for them (and toy with the idea of making some here and there and donate them somewhere)." ~ Sternenblumen
"NTA. Grandparents’ involvement with their grandkids can change dramatically as they age. You could do things for your grandkids a decade ago that you can’t do now, and new DIL is sh*tty for throwing your aging in your face." ~ Common-Parsnip-9682
"Right, like grandparents that babysit their older grandkids will have a point when they reach an older age where they can’t do that again with any new grandkids. Doesn’t mean they love them any less."
"OP has arthritis and had problems doing the last blanket which was years ago. How can you demand your mom make you a baby blanket for a 10-year-old after she told you it hurts her to?" ~ JenicBabe
"I'm 12 years older than my cousin (my dad's brother's child). My cousin's mom threw a fit because my grandmother couldn't babysit my cousin when she was a baby like she did with me. She claimed it was favoritism and called my very loving grandmother some pretty cruel names over it."
"The difference was that in those 12 years, my grandmother's health really became an issue. She became diabetic and then contracted shingles. She was in a ton of pain for a long time. Her diabetes wouldn't allow the shingles to heal. She ended up with a bunch of long term health issues because of it."
"My grandmother never got over the heartache of not being able to help out with her youngest grandbaby." ~ RougeOne23456
"I was the youngest grandkid on one side of my family and the oldest on the other. Different experiences there, and that was very okay with me, even as a small child." ~ Ill_Writer_9306
"And something that's completely out of consideration here... does the kid even want a blanket? Does she feel left out? Or is it purely the adults in her life being entitled and making a big whoop out of something that's just not something OP is physically as capable of as she once was?" ~ HallowskulledHorror
"Both your son and DIL don't appear to have much respect for you, thinking that they have the right to tell you what to do. Hold on to that baby blanket."
"Would the parent of the tragically stillborn child ever be in the position to accept it? If not, discuss with that bereaved parent the idea of donating that blanket to a NICU unit or some other infant-centric cause. I have a suspicion that your son and DIL will now begin a campaign of pressuring the original recipient to get you to turn over the blanket. On principle...I wouldn't." ~ Ok-Trainer3150
"NTA. You do know that all of this is your son's fault, don't you? How does his wife even know about the blanket that was already made?
"What things did his in-laws give to the kids he already has? Have they matched everything they gave their other grandchildren?" ~ TheLastWord63
"NTA at all. Still births are really emotional and full of grief and it's incredibly insensitive of them to demand the blanket from you that was meant for a little one that never got to use it. I would say both your son and your DIL need to have a lot more empathy because that's just cruel."
"I can't imagine your daughter seeing Becky with that blanket and imagining her baby with it. And I especially can't believe that your son would not realize that doing something like that to his sister would really hurt her."
"Your DIL is acting in a disgusting way as well. And holding the threat of not being allowed to see the kids in exchange for the blanket is really crappy and manipulative. I suggest talking to other members of your family and see how they feel about this because they'll probably know the family dynamics better than me." ~ Someonearoundhere438
"NTA. Who wants a blanket meant for their passed on niece? Also my grandma made quilts for all the great-grandkids. 3 of them didn’t get one because once they were born, she could no longer quilt by hand."
"Those 3 (one was my youngest) got pieces of fabric she cut by hand and we all had quilts made out of the fabric. Is there someone else you know that could do something similar? New DIL already seems entitled and overbearing. What’s their plan if they have one together?" ~ Kat092620
OP isn't able to do the things she did when she was younger.
Punishing her for that is a real a**hole move.
