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Grieving Mom Called ‘Selfish’ For Refusing To Give Sister-In-Law Items Meant For Her Stillborn Son

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When it comes to donating keepsakes, select items with extreme sentimental value are absolutely off-limits.

Unfortunately, not everyone is respectful of an owner’s wish to hold onto certain things.

Redditor ashibii is a wife and a mother who suffered a traumatizing experience ten years ago.

When her expectant sister-in-law lost her temper after hearing the result of a special request, the Redditor found herself torn.

She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for not giving my husband’s sister a trunk of baby stuff we saved as [mementos]?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My husband and I have two children. Our oldest son would be 10 today if he were alive but he was stillborn and his death was traumatizing for both my husband and myself.”

“We both fell apart and saved these few select outfits and blanket that were made by my grandmothers as a joint baby shower gift (they also donated a personalized trunk for us).”

“When we had our younger son 2 years ago we used the clothes in the trunk for him but also made sure we maintained them as we wanted to keep them for a keepsake.”

“All the other stuff we donated or gave away.”

“My husband’s younger sister and her husband found out they were having a baby late last year. Their daughter was born a couple of weeks ago.”

“Things with them are complicated and they’re struggling. They got a lot of donated stuff but they specifically wanted the stuff in our trunk, the blanket and one particular outfit she always admired especially.”

“My husband asked me how I felt and I admitted I couldn’t imagine parting with them. He nodded but didn’t say a lot.”

“He told her we didn’t want to give those up but we would of course be getting them stuff when the baby shower came around.”

“She was upset and said it wasn’t as meaningful. She asked several more times. Then after she had her daughter she asked me specifically to give them to her.”

“She used the whole ‘mom to mom’ thing to try and convince me. I told her I just couldn’t imagine parting with them.”

“She was mad. I don’t mean sort of mad either.”

“I mean like furious mad.”

“She said we were selfish and we should be ashamed of ourselves for not wanting to share sentimental items, even just one.”

“AITA?”

Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.

“NTA.”

“I can’t imagine what your SIL is thinking or why she is so fixated on those particular items. She sounds unwell.” – Waitingforadragon

“Especially the entitlement to the blanket made by OPs grandmothers. Wtf? They aren’t even her child’s relatives.”

“So sorry for your loss OP. Definitely NTA.” – strawberry-pesto

“This is exactly what I was thinking. I couldn’t imagine giving the blanket my grandma made for my child to my SIL for their child.”

“OP is definitely NTA. I can’t even imagine the grief they went through, and to now have those few precious keepsakes demanded by someone that doesn’t even have a connection to them? Nope.” – reeseinpeaces

“She is either one of those people that the more something they can’t have, the more they want.”

“Or she thinks something is extremely valuable to one person and that value is transferable.”

“Regardless, once she gets it, she will no longer care enough about the item to take care of it and, god forbid, return it since it has a lot of sentimental value to her.” – MrGelowe

“NTA. Your SIL is awful. Tell her you’d like to borrow her wedding ring, or something else, if she protests, say, ‘woman to woman.'”

“You guys don’t need to give her a reason. No means no.”

“And when you loan someone something, you have to be okay with never seeing it again. You’re not, so do NOT loan it to her.” – crystallz2000

“NTA. What an entitled AH for expecting to receive items which do not belong to her. ‘No’ is a complete sentence and after asking and hearing ‘no’, the topic should’ve ended.”

“I am so very sorry OP for your awful loss, and I am so sorry that your SIL is trying to take away the very few remaining precious memories you have of your son’s presence in your life.”

“If I were you, I would avoid inviting SIL over to your home at any point in case the crazy AH tries snooping through your things to find the stuff she wants.” – majesticjewnicorn

“Yes, she sounds like the beginning of a very entitled parent.”

“No should be no, even if those items didn’t represent anything emotional to you. She has no right to demand you give her your property, and you are perfectly entitled to refusing such requests.”

“Now the fact that those items are mementos of your lost child just makes the situation worse, and it’s incredibly ironic that she’s the one calling you selfish, when she’s the one pinning after somebody else’s property. She’s being greedy and self-centered.”

“Totally agree with other comments, do NOT let her roam free in your house, and if she does make sure those items are locked away someplace she can’t find/have access to.” – holdmychocolate

“NTA”

“How are these even sentimental to her? YOUR grandmothers made them and she’s your husbands sister? So the only sentimental value they have is by virtue of being made for your baby who passed? In what world should you pass those on to anyone else?”

“The fact that you even used them for your second kid surprises me a little (no judgment just a little surprise), never mind giving them away. She’s being incredibly selfish for even asking at all.”

“Edit: even if your kid hasn’t passed away, and even if she were YOUR sister, she would be ridiculously entitled to demand something sentimental to you. But those added factors make her a huge AH.” – Bestkeptsecretsss

Overall, Redditors saw the SIL as unfavorable for insisting to have items that hold no relevance for her.

People also suggested the OP hide the items in a safe place in her home to avoid the keepsakes from “disappearing”.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a New York-based actor and writer. Originally hailing from Los Angeles, he received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese. Disney parks are his passion, and endless cups of coffee are a necessity. Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1