Choosing to have children can be very rewarding, but it also comes with a lot of personal sacrifices. And if one parent isn't pulling their weight, it can quickly become overwhelming for their partner.
A parent turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict with their husband over who should be responsible for their baby.
DiligentTumbleweed96 asked:
"AITA for wanting to poop alone?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I asked my husband to take our 19-month-old with him this morning to drop my daughter off at school. I asked him so that I could use the bathroom alone."
"Our son is almost always with me. I saw an opportunity of me needing to poop and my husband driving our daughter as a blessing for one quiet poop."
"Every time I try to poop, my son either screams outside the door or wants to sit on my lap. My husband took him and ran into traffic."
"Roads closed, trains stuck, etc... Until they were driving for an hour."
"My son wasn't happy about it and screamed the whole time. He hates the car for anything more than a twenty-minute drive."
"I take him to his and his sisters doctors appointments, dentists, grocery store runs, etc. All of which are over twenty minutes. So he screams about it often with me driving the car."
"My husband gets home and starts screaming that it's not fair to our son that I lock him in a chair in the car for an hour so that I can use the bathroom."
"He says I'm the a**hole because our son shouldn't have to deal with that."
"I replied that I guess we can't take our son anywhere anymore since he's not allowed to be locked up at all."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I might be the a**hole for being sarcastic and for sending my son with my husband."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Husband isn’t upset your son 'had to deal with that'. He’s upset he had to listen to a screaming toddler. I bet he wouldn’t have said a word about it if the kid fell asleep in his carseat."
"How are you supposed to bring this kid anywhere if your husband claims 'locking him in a chair in the car' is inherently cruel? He’s being dramatic and throwing his own little tantrum because he was inconvenienced for an hour."
"I agree with others that dad should have the baby with him during toilet time from now on. Tell him he needs to experience exactly why you were desperate for a break." ~ Rougefarie
"NTA, the next time your husband is pooping, open the door and pop your toddler in the bathroom with him." ~ Impressive_Moment786
"I did this to my husband when he didn't understand why it was so hard for me to go to the bathroom, when I could just 'take the baby to the bathroom with me'."
"I waited until he was pooping. Put the baby, our very mobile baby, in the bathroom and left to go to the store. When he called to complain, I played dumb, 'What do you mean the baby is tearing up the bathroom? You have him with you, it should be easy', etc..."
"He never gave me a hard time again after that." ~ Lady_Spork
"That would work to annoy dad (good!) but I doubt he'd take the lesson from it. He'd just be 'our son shouldn't have to deal with that' and think she's being cruel, the kid must only cry when she's doing something wrong."
"This is definitely building a strawman from a two-paragraph post, but I read that comment as him being one of those parents who thinks the most important parenting goal is to end suffering/make kids stop annoying you at all costs, even if it means stuffing them with cookies or dropping them in front of the iPad all day." ~ ameinias
"Every time the subject comes up about how men get home and like want to be in the bathroom an hour, I’m like…? Send the kid in. Like, if I’m home all day and have to watch my kid while I use the bathroom, why is the bathroom a deterrent? Send them in." ~ ConejillodeIndias436
"This is the ultimate weapon. Toddlers have absolutely zero boundaries and will literally just stare into your soul or ask 45 questions about what you're doing. His bathroom 'sanctuary' will be ruined instantly." ~ sleepylunaria
"The sheer amount of entitlement that this grown man AND the son display is ridiculous. Let mom take a sh*t in peace for f*ck’s sake."
"Son NEEDS to be with her every waking moment? He can learn to deal with it."
"Husband gets pissy when the kid is secured safely? HE can learn to deal with it too."
"Fair is fair. Make him deal with the tot when he needs to take a sh*t. It’s not rocket science, right? Since he thinks it's so easy." ~ Goth_Muppet
"I mean, that's fine. You are however going to lock your son in the bathroom with your husband when he poops. From now until the end of time." ~ Safe-Essay4128
"Stand outside the door screaming, wonder how long before he cracks." ~ MidoriMidnight
"Lock the toddler in the toilet with him AND stand outside screaming. Really drive the point home." ~ daddyschomper
"I don't have children, but I had to do with this with my husband and our dog, while the dog could not be unsupervised post-surgery. Somehow (of course), all the supervision of the dog fell on me, and I was dragging him into the bathroom while I did my business and eventually I just said, screw it."
"Then it became me to him, 'oh, you're napping? Here's the dog.' 'oh, you're pooping? Here's the dog.' 'oh, you're doing a chore(not really, that never happens), here's the dog, enjoy!'"
"And that was just a dog, which is arguably a damn lot easier than a child. People treat you how you let them, but NTA." ~ Blarffette
"We have 2 cats, and I just find so much joy in locking them in the bathroom with my boyfriend while he poops. I shouldn't have to be the only one that gets to 'enjoy' the cats screaming at me and the bathroom door, while demanding water too." ~ Sure-Lingonberry-283
"NTA. What he really means is 'he (dad, not your son) shouldn’t have to deal with that.' How many times have you been stuck in the car or anywhere with your screaming baby, and are you allowed to lose your sh*t because of it. Probably not." ~ Agitated_Arachnid176
"He isn't mad that your son had to deal with being in the car for an hour. He is mad that he had to deal with your son. NTA." ~ Alpacazappa
"What your husband meant is that HE shouldn't have had to deal with that. His own son. Instead of coming home with empathy: 'Does he do this to you all day? Wow that must be really overwhelming. How can I help with this?'."
"He came with anger and screamed at you. Because, God forbid, you want to poop in peace. He sounds charming and supportive."
"NTA and I agree with everyone else who says put the toddler in the bathroom while he poops." ~ Haunting-Earth-8593
"Dad had a chance to pull over to a store real quick and have some bonding time with his son. Fun things dad do. But nope. Let him scream in the last 40 minutes and then dad goes and screams at wife." ~ South_Start6630
"NTA. Your husband shouldn't have screamed. Even if he was annoyed, he didn't need to scream."
"I also would be curious to know how often you get a break from your 19-month-old. It doesn't seem like you often get one given you had to ask your husband to get a 20 minute break."
"How often does he offer? How often does he even handle the kids?" ~ Lullayable
"NTA. That frustration he felt while driving is what you always feel when trying to do basic things like use the bathroom. If he were more involved and carried his weight as a parent, then this wouldn’t be happening to begin with, and he would just take the little one and entertain him with snacks or something so that you had time for yourself. This is his fault for not stepping up as a parent before." ~ noonecaresat805
"NTA. Since when is traffic your fault?"
"Having been in a car with a screaming toddler, I get where he's coming from, but it's definitely not your fault. He could have sung silly songs, tried to play an eye spy game, etc., or realized traffic was terrible, found a park, and pulled over for a little bit for a break."
"Both of you need a break. Can you hire some help so they can entertain your toddler while you're home so you can do other things by yourself?"
"At 19 months, my tall kid could break out of the crib. But if yours can stay in the crib, it might be time to start working on some safe independent play in there." ~ EquivalentTwo1
OP didn't cause the traffic or the crying baby.
If dad can't handle one hour with his own son, he should better understand what his spouse deals with all the time.
