Throwaway Reddit account Enough-Disaster-5001 recently told a tale of their snoopy mother-in-law.
The Original Poster (OP) chronicled how their MIL snooped in their room and found some sensitive items.
This led to a boundary set by the OP that their MIL was not allowed in their primary bedroom or bathroom anymore.
However the OP’s MIL expected to take a bath in the primary bathtub.
When the OP doubled down on their boundary an argument ensued, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**Hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for not allowing my MIL to use the bathtub in our primary bedroom?”
They went on to explain.
“A little background information first: I barely have a relationship with my MIL because since we got engaged she has been a nightmare to deal with.”
“She constantly meddles, stomps boundaries, is very judgmental, and takes no responsibility for her actions.”
“We were NC with her for nearly a year, but since my husband resumed contact due to my FIL having a health scare, she has been on her best behavior… That is until last weekend.”
“So my in-laws were up to visit last weekend and unfortunately requested to stay with us, I’d prefer them in a hotel but we have five bedrooms, and I let my husband make the call.”
“Well Saturday morning I was up letting the dog out and making coffee for everyone when MIL comes walking out the guest room we put them in…”
“…(I decided the one furthest away from our bedroom) with a towel in her hand, wearing pajamas.”
“I asked her what she was up to, and she said, ‘I have been dying to take a bath in your tub since the first time we visited here!’”
“I was in utter shock because first, no and also the visit and her behavior that visit is what resulted in our cutting contact.”
“(She went through our room snooping and found some adult stuff which led to her freaking out and demanding my husband leave me calling me some colorful names)”
“I told her no one but my husband and I are allowed in our room or bathroom and that the room she was staying with had its own bathroom or she could use one of the other bathrooms.”
“She started raising her voice and insisted on using our tub, which I just said ‘no’ again.”
“So she starts going on about me being ‘rude’ and a ‘bad hostess.’ apparently, it was getting loud because my husband appeared and asked what was happening.”
“I explained and he backed me up. She storms back to the room and slams the door apparently waking my FIL.”
“He comes out because she gave some distorted account of what happened, but my husband set things straight. She pouted in their room all day.”
“They ended up leaving early Sunday for the airport.”
“This morning, she texted my husband asking if I was ready to apologize to her for making her trip miserable and making her feel unwelcome. I have her blocked again.”
“AITA for not just letting her use the bathtub?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA – she was pushing boundaries again. Your husband is a gem. You didn’t ruin her trip. She did. By pushing boundaries and private spaces.” – Mama-Rides_AZ73
“NTA. I’m glad your husband has your back because it doesn’t seem like she’s going to ever be able to stay on her best behavior for long.” – laurelblossom
“NTA. Your house, your bathroom.”
“if there wasn’t another bathroom to use, sure, she could use yours AFTER SHE ASKED.” – Lizjay1234
“NTA, OP, & laughing here, because MIL was apparently just itching to go through your things. MIL is the Queen of Obvious.”
“Has she always been unbelievably immature, or do you suspect cognitive decline?”
“To answer your question, there is no reason a guest should be hell-bent on bathing in your personal bathtub even if it was lined with clouds and spewed champagne & fairy dust.” – stephnetkin
“NTA. You can have whatever boundaries you want in your own home. Not using a private bathroom is a perfectly reasonable one.” – deutschHotel
“Ew what? No thank you madam! Sorry but I think it is rude af! Your home is not a hotel.”
“If she wants bathtub amenities, then she can go to the hotel and receive them! She is the one who made the trip miserable because she is the one who rudely overstepped her bounds.”
“NTA, OP!” – slackerchic
“Obviously NTA. It was nice of you to open your home to her. You do not need to open your private room to her.” – iguessitcouldworkout
“NTA. You did nothing wrong. And a polite guest, if they wanted to use something like the bath, would have approached you and asked for permission first.”
“She was basically up to her old tricks again – seeing if this warming was you backing down on your old position and seeing if she could establish dominance over you.”
“Good for you for not backing down and good for your husband for not backing down. You did not make her feel unwelcome – she abused your hospitality.” – bamf1701
“NTA”
“MIL is way out of bounds. Sounds like a time out is in order at the minimum.” – OverRice2524
“NTA. Is your bathtub special? Like a whirlpool tub or a big soaking tub? If so? I can see why she’d ask to use it. But it’s definitely okay to say ‘I’d prefer you didn’t.’” – OkeyDokey654
“hahahaha NTA its NC time. the entitlement” – Traditional-Trade795
“NTA – and DO NOT apologise. She’s not entitled to use your bathroom, whether her room has one or not.”
“Good thing you caught her because I bet she would have just gone in there and used it without asking.” – Deep-Cold-6245
“NTA”
“And I don’t *need* to know any history of her demented ignoring of reasonable boundaries to make that judgment :-)”
“No one – however close – would dream of using the bathroom when there are other bathrooms available.”
“Who would even WANT to take a bath in someone else’s tub because you have to clean it both before and after – but that is a side issue.”
“The only time I EVER used someone else’s bathroom was at my parents’ retirement condo.”
“This is because they never used the tub/shower in the guest bath and my mother had turned it into additional storage – she even had a rack to hang clothes running across it.”
“So I used the shower in their bath :-).”
“And if it was just overnight, I often just didn’t shower until I got home – I only lived about 45 minutes from them so didn’t stay overnight that often.” – Jujulabee
“How Dare you stop her from going though your stuff?! What kind of beast are you?! /s”
“NTA.” – nopenothappening99
“NTAx10000000”
“The audacity to tell you she’s using your tub when she’s robed up and ready to go is astonishing.”
“Congratulations on being an adult and not stooping to petty levels like my brain:” – melodicatrident
“NTA. Sounds like MIL. She came for a visit and went snooping in my bedroom.”
“The only reason I knew she was in there was because she made my bed which means that she also found my vibrator.”
“The next time she came to town, I had a lock put on my bedroom so that she couldn’t enter it at will. We haven’t spoken for a year but that’s another story.” – Sad-Database3677
“Whooo boy. NTA.”
“This grown a** woman, and every person that she has talked about this issue, needs to understand that your bedroom and your attached bath is your place of peace and privacy.”
“In the past she has shown that she will not respect the privacy, which gives you no peace. As a result, she doesn’t get to go in that space. Period!”
“She’s being ridiculous. She’s being selfish, immature, petty and just downright mean. You have every right to have a private space that other people are not allowed to use.”
“In fact you’re being amazingly generous by allowing them to stay with you! Which is something that I would take off the table citing the most recent drama.” – Corgilicious
“Man i was SOOOO worried we were going to have a story where the husband is spineless and agreed with his mommy…but your husband is a gem.”
“NTA Op and your MIL sounds like a nightmare. Is it possible to cut contact with her and keep contact with FIL?” – HUNGWHITEBOI25
“NTA–and another wonderful guest-starring shot by a Reddit daughter-in-law who won’t take boundary-stomping from a MIL.”
“Bravo also to the husband who backed her up.”
“MIL, supposedly on good behavior after the last dust-up, was only biding her time, consulting with her goblin minions, learning the latest incantations, buying potions (now with lanolin!).”
“She thought and thought. Where to attack? Ah! The bathroom in the bedroom. But OP was ready.”
“It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.” – RealbadtheBandit
Not today, MIL. Not today.