Doing a favor for a struggling friend is usually easy.
But some "friends" make it impossible.
It can be especially difficult to help friends struggling with addictions.
That's when a person has to think about safety first.
Redditor EllisDee3 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITAH for kicking my friend and his baby out of my house?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My son and I live together in a single-family house."
"I have a friend whom I haven't seen in years, but I recently reconnected with them over Instagram."
"We grew up close, and we're both admittedly troublemakers."
"Since hanging, I've gone to university, developed a professional career, bought a home, had a son, etc."
"I left all social media several years ago, but I was obligated to make a business IG account linked to me."
"This old friend connects, and we start talking about shared interests and whatnot."
"Over several months, I found out he has a young baby and needs a place for him and his daughter."
"He's had it rough."
"Baby's mom is in a shelter for rehab."
"He's trying to raise a baby on his own."
"I agreed he could stay the summer as long as he abided by a few rules..."
"1- Not a 'dry' house, but beers go in cups and no half-drunk cans lying around."
"He's the only one who drinks, so I made this rule after I noticed it becoming a problem."
"Spilled beer stinks."
"2- No inviting people over."
"My son lives here."
"No Tinder dates coming back to my house."
"No randoms knowing my front door code."
"This came after he was flipping through Tinder, asking my opinion on girls and nearby bars."
"3- No drugs. Initially 'unspoken,' but clarified through casual conversation about personal habits."
"That was it."
"Just lay low."
"Get your s*it together."
"Save money and take care of that baby."
"Responsible drinking, no drugs, and appreciate stranger danger."
"Last night I woke to hear voices up and about at 3:20 AM."
"He had brought someone over despite the above."
"He said he had no choice, and that she got out of work late and they were just hanging until morning."
"My son happened not to be with me that night, but there was no way for them to know that."
"I confronted him immediately and said I'd think about what to do after work."
"I didn't even ask them to leave, and left them both at home when I left for work."
"I thought about it all day."
"I just don't have the mental energy to worry about whether he's trying to sneak something past me."
"And I have my kid's safety to consider."
"After work, I told him he had until Sunday to find new arrangements (when my son returns from camping)."
"He's now stomping around with his baby in the dark, making a big deal about leaving in the night, even though he still has days to go."
"So there's now a baby outside of my house crying."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I the A**hole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"No good deed goes unpunished. NTA." ~ shammy_dammy
"OP's intentions are really good, and he just wanted to help his old friend."
"Unfortunately, not all friends are the ones you should live with. "
"Just because you knew each other a long time ago doesn't mean he's still the same person."
"People change." ~ IceSeeker
"Secure your valuables and paperwork."
"Maybe get some cameras up."
"I would not be comfortable with him unattended in the house."
"Good luck and be safe!" ~ mamajamala
"There’s a reason he is going through a rough time."
"Sounds like he’s brought much of it on himself."
"And it’s too bad he’s so married to the drama, as opposed to taking the day or two you generously offered to make a better landing for the baby."
"Stomping out in the middle of the night to God knows where."
"That’s designed to make you feel guilty."
"That’s more important to him than taking care of the child. NTA." ~ wordsmythy
"NTA, seems like both parents should be in rehab, not just the mom."
"He’s not committed to the responsibility he has taken upon himself, and I wouldn’t even let him raise a dog." ~ Individual_You_6586
"Seems his priorities are off, baby mamas in rehab, and he’s looking for a hook-up?"
"I imagine Child Protective Services will be involved sooner rather than later. NTA." ~ Feeling_Week6757
"Yeah, that's my thought as well, if he wanted to really help himself up, he wouldn't be drinking (at bars, what about his baby while he's out? ) hooking up while his mother is in a rehab program?"
"Mother being in a recovery program is a great start for the baby as long as she follows the program and gets a sponsor and meetings, she's not going to stay clean as long as they loser boyfriend is drinking at bars for hookups."
"I hate to make a judgment of an addict or call him a loser, but he's not making wise decisions with a baby, then getting pissed when he's disrespectful to his friend who's giving him help."
"OP always, if ever again, set ground rules down before anyone you help before they move in or ask for any help, and don't lend money to anyone." ~ Salt-Door-6419
"NTA. He is presumably an adult, although you could not tell by his behavior."
"If he wanted a free place to stay, you gave him some pretty simple house rules."
"He broke them; he pays the consequences."
"You owe him nothing. He can go abuse another long-lost friend (I assume he's alienated all his family and all his recent friends)." ~ shelwood46
"NTA, but please call CPS."
"Someone has to make sure that the baby has a chance at a stable environment and people who will put her welfare first."
"Seems like her dad should be more focused on securing housing and looking after his child than companionship and booze." ~ QuackyFiretruck
"You are NTA."
"The safety of your son is more important than his friends."
"If the friend really wanted to stay with you, he would have listened to what you asked for." ~ ImaginationNo7722
"NTA. You gave him a place to stay, set very reasonable rules, and he broke one of the biggest ones by bringing a stranger into your home."
"When your child lives there, safety, safety, safety comes first."
"You didn’t throw him out immediately either."
"You gave him several days to make other arrangements."
"The baby being involved is unfortunate, but that’s a consequence of his choices, not yours." ~ ChefTraditional9669
"These rules are so bare minimum and reasonable, seriously. Don't bring back strangers and finish any drinks you start, and in return, get back on my feet for my child?"
"I'd be chomping at the bit for that golden ticket chance to better myself."
"I'm sorry this person took advantage of your generosity."
"You are NTA for choosing your child's welfare over an old friend who hasn't grown up." ~ IOwnAOnesie
"NTA. He had some very simple rules to follow, and he broke a very important one."
"No choice, my a**."
"He shouldn't have brought a stranger into YOUR house against your explicit instructions, and he is fortunate that you gave him until Sunday to pack up and leave."
"Perhaps his new friend can offer him and his child shelter." ~ deannainwa
"NTA, he broke your boundaries."
"He knew the rules. He has a child to take care of, and if he really wants to make that a priority, he would not push your pretty easy boundaries."
"He's a user. I'm sorry for his child." ~ Serious-Cut-2583
"NTA. Also, is he actually taking care of his child?"
"I don't like the part about him yelling and the baby crying. It seems like maybe you didn't get the whole story."
"I feel he's using his child for sympathy and should possibly not have custody."
"Hoping I'm wrong there."
"Never feel bad for looking after the safety of your child!" ~ Objective-Bottle1391
"NTA. You give a person, who you're already helping, an inch, and they will take a mile. He didn't appreciate or respect your kindness."
"Don't backtrack, he needs to GO!"
"It's up to HIM to consider how his actions affect his baby and act accordingly." ~ extac4
OP came back with a few updates...
"He came back in."
"He and the baby are back in the guest room."
"She's falling asleep."
"I'm watching Star Trek: The Next Generation."
"I have to go to work tomorrow."
"Not sure what to expect while I'm gone."
"Update 2: I'm using a work-from-home day today."
"I wouldn't get anything done in the office if I were worried about what was happening here."
"Update 3: It's Sunday."
"He left with the baby."
"Left the guest room a complete mess."
"Stole the light bulbs, but left the TV, so that's good."
"Changing the door codes now."
"Update 4: Police are now involved."
"I thought it was all over."
"But today, my kid was at home alone while I was at work, and the police showed up."
"My kid calls me immediately like 'Dad, the cops are here.'"
"After a brief panic and a reminder to the boy to never allow police into the house, I drive home fast."
"I get redirected to the station where I explain the whole thing, and find out that someone else had put out a wellness check on the baby."
"I provide all the info needed to prevent the cops from contacting my son or me again."
This is a messy situation, OP.
You tried to do a nice thing, and your friend took advantage.
You had to protect your space.
Reddit backs you 100%.
Stay safe, good luck.
