It doesn’t take a lot to ask grandparents to babysit their grandchildren.
As very little gets a grandparent more excited than spending time with their grandchildren.
That being said, grandparents babysitting does provide its fair share of challenges.
As they are getting older, they often don’t have quite the same energy they used to, which can result in their needing a bit of extra help.
The in-laws of Redditor anonymeese24 offered to watch her son once a week.
While the original poster (OP) appreciated the offer, she also had some reservations about the arrangement.
Particularly when they asked if the OP could contribute some things to help them out.
Wondering if they were being unfair to their in-laws, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting to purchase baby furniture for my in laws?”
The OP explained why they were less than willing to help out their in-laws:
“Husband (36 M[ale]) and I (31 F[emale]) had our first child just under a year ago.”
“MIL & FIL were older parents.”
“They adopted my husband in their late 30s.”
“They both come from huge families & are over the moon to finally have a grandchild.”
“They asked to watch our kiddo one day a week while we are at work.”
“To be clear -we do not need them to, they asked if they could.”
“To provide context: They are now in their 70s & slowing down.”
” Mother-in-law (MIL) was recently diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer’s-dementia, & while she is still in a functioning phase, does need reminders.”
“They are both retired & on a fixed income.”
“Their home is 5-7minutes away from our home.”
“Baby is now walking, eating solids, & taking two naps per day.”
“I already bring all baby supplies for them each week: diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, meals, toys, books, extra clothes, changing pad, etc.”
“MIL and Father-in-Law (FIL) have started asking us to provide them with baby furniture to keep at their house.”
“They have asked us to buy them a wagon to be able to tote baby around outside (30lb baby is hard for them to carry around their yard), a highchair so they can feed him since he’s too wiggly for them to feed on their laps, they currently have a pack n play but want us to replace it with a crib because they have trouble bending over the pack n play to lay baby down for naps, & a car seat so they can take ‘field trips’ (they are mall walkers & want to take baby with them).”
“Here’s my problem-they only watch him one day a week & they want us to purchase all of these NOT cheap items to leave at their home.”
“I already load and unload a ton of supplies at each home when I drop off/pick up.”
“I have already provided toys, books, blankets, & baby proofing supplies for their home.”
“Also, with MIL’s diagnosis, I don’t see them watching the baby without us much longer.”
“FIL is already struggling to support MIL while also watching a VERY mobile baby.”
“As a compromise, I suggested they stay with the baby at our home during the day.”
“It’s comfortable, has all the baby supplies they could need, we have a cleaner come by once a week, lots of food & snacks in the fridge & all of the same TV channels that they have.”
“Plus, Plus-I could leave the car seat instead of having to purchase a second one or load it in and out of my car in the morning.”
“But they are SO against this.”
“It doesn’t make any sense to me, and quite frankly, I’m frustrated.”
“We live on a very tight budget & they want us to buy them basically a whole nursery.”
“They also have specific requests for the type of furniture they want (lightweight, foldable or compact, easy to break down for when it’s not in use the rest of the week, items that will grow with the baby so they can use it for a long time, etc.”
“I’m scraping together money currently to purchase shoes and winter clothing for baby…& they are pressuring us hard for these items.”
“AITA for not wanting to purchase these things, & insisting that they should watch him at our home?”Â
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to buy baby furniture for her in-laws’ house.
In fact, nearly everyone felt that not only should the OP not buy baby furniture for her in-laws’ home, but they also urged her to seriously consider how good an idea it was for in-laws to watch her son, based on her MIL’s condition:
“NTA.”
“With your MIL’s diagnosis, they really shouldn’t be babysitting anymore TBH. I suggest your husband has a frank conversation with his father about it in his next phase of their lives.”- Used_Mark_7911
“The thing about these diagnoses, from what I understand, is that things can happen rather suddenly.”
“You think someone is fine one day, and then literally the next day they are wandering the sidewalk because they can’t remember which house is theirs.”
“This is not a safe to leave the baby in NOW. Waiting until spring just isn’t a good choice.”
“It will be a hard conversation, but what if they leave the stove on or the water running with your child running around?”
“NTA.”- flowerpetalizard
“NTA.”
“But saying this, as the baby can walk, the crib mattress should be lower to the ground anyway so the side rails can keep the baby safe.”
“Which brings you back to the point of them not being physically able to care for the baby for extended periods on their own.”
“The lightweight easily foldable baby stuff that is safe for baby is expensive.”
“You are at a crossroads.”
“They love the baby but are not in a condition to be able to watch the baby on their own for extended periods anymore.”
“Baby is a toddler….they are walking. “
“This is what I call the “danger zone” all the easily portable cute not so mobile baby time was a breeze compared to this.”
“You’re essentially on watch 24/7 to make sure the baby doesn’t cause significant harm to themselves.”
“You cannot afford to purchase these items.”
“They can come to your baby-proofed home.”- EquivalentTwo1
“NTA.”
“But with the age and condition of all involved (baby and elders), they probably shouldn’t be watching the baby alone.”
“If MIL had an accident, would your FIL be able to call for aid, help her, and wrangle a toddler all at the same time?”
“What if FIL was the one who had the accident?”
“Would your MIL with Alzheimer’s be able to handle a toddler and an emergency?”-Stoney_Wan_KaBlowme
There were a few who at least understood where the OP’s in-laws were coming from, even if they still felt the OP should not buy furniture for their home:
“‘MIL was recently diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer’s-dementia’.”
“‘MIL and FIL have started asking us to provide them with baby furniture to keep at their house’.”
“Nope.”
“Absolutely not.”
“I would not let my mother do that because of an early stage of Alzheimer’s diagnosis, which is not something to mess with…the point is, it’s started and progressing.”
“That puts her judgment entirely in jeopardy and your child with it.”
“NAH…yet.”
“You are not a TA for not investing in what sadly will be a short-term situation.”
“By ALL means, have them over to see your child while you’re there to ensure everyone’s safety.”-IamIrene
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and sharing how they intended to proceed:
“We will be purchasing a wagon and a high chair for them to keep so the baby can use it when we visit.”
“We will not be getting the car seat or crib.”
“I have discovered today that the amount of ‘research’ I have seen is not nearly enough to have a grasp of how Alzheimer’s dementia could be affecting my MIL, even this quickly.”
“The symptoms I am seeing are very, very mild, and we were under the impression that we had more time, especially since she was diagnosed by accident when having testing done for an unrelated health issue.”
“We thought we had gotten lucky by getting ahead of it.”
“Thank you all for sharing your stories, your gentle encouragement to take a harder look at things, and to have the hard conversations.”
“We plan on setting a meeting with MIL’s doctor to see how we can best support her moving forward, including the healthiest way for her to interact with our baby.”
“As most of you have said, the doctor will most likely be in agreement with us in that MIL and FIL should visit, not babysit.”
“But, hearing from so many of you how fitfully Alzheimer’s dementia progresses, I am understanding that the anxiousness my gut was feeling that had guided us to go ahead and make the shift from caregiving to visits despite their protests is the right call.”
“I have been blessed to not have many family members pass and have never really been around anybody with Alzheimer’s dementia…until now.”
“Looks like I have a lot to learn.”
“And baby will be staying with us so grandparents can visit.”
“Any tips on breaking the news to my in-laws with a firm kindness would be appreciated.”
It is nice that the OP’s in-laws wanted to help with her childcare and watch her toddler.
That said, it seems they are not really in a position to do so, even with the help of new baby furniture.
One can only hope the OP and her husband will come up with a solution that allows them to enjoy time with their grandchild while they still can.