Choosing the perfect wedding dress is key to making the day of matrimony an everlasting memory.
For one bride-to-be, picking the perfect wedding gown was a priority for her. But she set aside her preference in favor of an opportunity that she couldn’t outright refuse.
However, an issue arose that led to not everyone smiling at the wedding.
After feeling conflicted about her decision, she visited the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
ThrwayStepSisDress asked:
“AITA for not wearing the wedding dress my stepsister handmade for me?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (25F[female]) got married two weeks ago. My now-husband (27M[ale]) and I paid for most of the wedding, but my father covered a few costs for us.”
“My father’s girlfriend ‘Stella’ has a daughter, ‘Zoey’ (21F[female]), who is finishing her degree in fashion. She wants to get into the wedding dress industry once she graduates. When I started planning my wedding, she offered to design and make my dress.”
“I was hesitant at first, as I’d been excited about picking out my own dress. I agreed because I didn’t know Zoey well (my father had only been dating her mother for two years) and I thought this could be a nice opportunity to bond.”
“Also, I’d seen some of her work (she’d made a couple ball gowns in college), and she seemed honestly good.”
“We met up a few times to discuss our ideas. During those, I realized our styles were drastically different, but we still managed to agree on a design. I gave Zoey my measurements and asked her to update me.”
But then things slowly started to unravel.
“She didn’t.”
“Whenever I asked her how she was doing, she’d say she would send me progress pictures when she got home (she never did). It took her longer than expected to finish it, and I didn’t get the dress until a month before my wedding.”
“It looked nothing like the design we’d agreed on. It was the wrong color, the wrong style, everything. It looked exactly like the type of dress Zoey would want to wear, but I knew I’d never wear anything like it. I really did not like that dress.”
“When I tried it on, I found out it was also about 3 sizes too big. Though I knew I could probably have it altered, I truly did not want to wear that dress on my wedding day.”
“I called Zoey and told her I wouldn’t wear the dress. I said it looked lovely, but not the style we’d agreed on, and I thought it would be best for me to find a different dress. I offered to pay her for her work (she’d made the dress for free), but she declined and hung up on me.”
“I went to a retail bridal store with my maid of honor, and we found a beautiful gown that didn’t need much altering. It looked exactly like what I wanted.”
There were repercussions.
“Fast forward to my wedding, I walked down the aisle in the dress I bought. Zoey seemed to be on the verge of tears during the ceremony, and Stella gave me dirty looks throughout the reception. When I approached them a while later, they were both short with me. My father, Stella and Zoey left less than an hour into the reception.”
“My father and Stella called me the next day and told me off for how I’d treated Zoey. This had been her first time making a wedding dress and had been excited to see me wearing it. They said it was insulting of me to not wear the dress she’d put so much effort into.”
“I tried to explain why I hadn’t worn the dress, but they’re both insisting the dress was beautiful and I could have sucked it up.”
“My husband and my younger sister (not Zoey) are on my side. I’ve been feeling guilty about this since I decided not to wear the dress.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
A majority of Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Zoey disrespected you by ignoring your wants. As a designer, she needs to listen to her clients. Plus her making the dress way too big means she isn’t that great at it.”
“Give the dress back to Zoey, and let her know that you appreciated the effort, but this was not the dress you wanted and the two of you agreed to. That you are sure she will find someone to appreciate the dress.”
“As for her mom and your dad. Let them know that Zoey needs to listen to her clients. And that though you appreciate Zoey’s efforts, it was not what you wanted and that as a client you don’t need to suck it up. And that they should have learned to accept that people have a right to make their own choices. Especially regarding wedding dresses.”
“Honestly wondering if Zoey did this on purpose to get attention during your wedding.” – Popular-Jaguar-3803
“As a family/friends seamstress and former alterations person, this jumped out at me. If she is a trained designer, even at 21, there’s no way the size was a mistake.”
“OP is naive and feeling guilty but Popular-Jaguar-3803 is spot on. OP was played. Zoey never intended for OP to wear the dress, it was made for whoever she knows that is the size she made it! She decided that very early on – when she cast the agreed upon design aside and sketched this new one, drafted the pieces, continually measuring as she went, and made a muslin mock-up which the bride (whomever she was) then tried on.”
“When creating with expensive material, you never lay shears to it until it is certain that the muslin fits perfectly. It was NOT that she made a few changes here & there as she went and it magically morphed into a different design 3 sizes too big. She obviously knew OP couldn’t wear it but she rather than admitting she dropped the ball entirely (and be judged for it) she pretended that she completed the dress and OP rudely rejected it, betting on the fact that you would never expose what she did.”
“As a designer she would have been mortified if everyone saw her ill-fitting creation on you! AND there was no need for her to well-up with tears a full month after you rejected the dress, during your wedding and purposefully drawing attention away from the bride. She made a scene on purpose, again, creating the narrative that OP is not just wrong, but mean and hurtful – see the tears???”
“Her mother expected OP to wear Zoey’s dress and any sane daughter would have told her long before the wedding that wasn’t happening after all. But if mom knew a month in advance, Zoey would have had no shock value, no venom to whisper in mom’s ear, no reason to create drama.”
“NTA ThrwayStepSisDress but Zoey is beyond! Breaking her promise and leaving you w/o a wedding dress but not even admitting it let alone apologizing wasn’t enough for Zoey – she needed to bring crazy drama to your wedding and the family too? Condolences Zoey, congrats on hubby!” – JustWatchin2021
“NTA.”
“Yup. At some point in the process, she decided that she knew better and set out to make a dress that she thought would be more fashionable and closer to her own aesthetic. That’s why she didn’t send photos or do fittings.”
“It may well have been finished earlier, but she waited until there was just a month left thinking that the bride would have no choice but to accept it. She would then be able to make last minute alterations.”
“She may have had a fantasy of the bride walking down the aisle, getting lots of praise, and her being able to take complete credit for her ‘vision.’ Bride put a hard stop to that, and she’s angry because she’s essentially a spoiled child who didn’t get her way.”
“She probably doesn’t understand that she needs to tailor a dress to the needs of the client because she thinks her sense of style/fashion is superior, and she doesn’t think she needs to listen to others.” – Cat-Lady-13
“NTA – Most of the friends that I had who were like this are now former friends. They don’t listen when I point out that we have already discussed this exact thing a dozen times and I don’t want to hear any more about it!”
“They interpret my life for me, and don’t listen when I tell them that, actually, that isn’t how I feel.”
“One of them was always proposing virtuous things that I should do, although she had no intention of doing them herself; my becoming a vegetarian was a favorite. One evening the two of us were eating alone, in a restaurant with plenty of vegetarian/vegan options, when, in between bites of her meat entree, she told me that vegetarianism was the only moral way to live and I should be a vegetarian.”
“When I pointed out that she was not a vegetarian, she couldn’t see what that had to do with anything.” – NobodyButMyShadow
Overall, Redditors remained on her side.
Hopefully, now that the wedding day has come and gone, the disappointed individuals can move on from the conflict and be happy for the newlyweds.
Congrats to the happy couple.