Choosing the perfect wedding dress is key to making the day of matrimony an everlasting memory.
For one bride-to-be, picking the perfect wedding gown was a priority for her. But she set aside her preference in favor of an opportunity that she couldn't outright refuse.
However, an issue arose that led to not everyone smiling at the wedding.
After feeling conflicted about her decision, she visited the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
ThrwayStepSisDress asked:
"AITA for not wearing the wedding dress my stepsister handmade for me?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (25F[female]) got married two weeks ago. My now-husband (27M[ale]) and I paid for most of the wedding, but my father covered a few costs for us."
"My father's girlfriend 'Stella' has a daughter, 'Zoey' (21F[female]), who is finishing her degree in fashion. She wants to get into the wedding dress industry once she graduates. When I started planning my wedding, she offered to design and make my dress."
"I was hesitant at first, as I'd been excited about picking out my own dress. I agreed because I didn't know Zoey well (my father had only been dating her mother for two years) and I thought this could be a nice opportunity to bond."
"Also, I'd seen some of her work (she'd made a couple ball gowns in college), and she seemed honestly good."
"We met up a few times to discuss our ideas. During those, I realized our styles were drastically different, but we still managed to agree on a design. I gave Zoey my measurements and asked her to update me."
But then things slowly started to unravel.
"She didn't."
"Whenever I asked her how she was doing, she'd say she would send me progress pictures when she got home (she never did). It took her longer than expected to finish it, and I didn't get the dress until a month before my wedding."
"It looked nothing like the design we'd agreed on. It was the wrong color, the wrong style, everything. It looked exactly like the type of dress Zoey would want to wear, but I knew I'd never wear anything like it. I really did not like that dress."
"When I tried it on, I found out it was also about 3 sizes too big. Though I knew I could probably have it altered, I truly did not want to wear that dress on my wedding day."
"I called Zoey and told her I wouldn't wear the dress. I said it looked lovely, but not the style we'd agreed on, and I thought it would be best for me to find a different dress. I offered to pay her for her work (she'd made the dress for free), but she declined and hung up on me."
"I went to a retail bridal store with my maid of honor, and we found a beautiful gown that didn't need much altering. It looked exactly like what I wanted."
There were repercussions.
"Fast forward to my wedding, I walked down the aisle in the dress I bought. Zoey seemed to be on the verge of tears during the ceremony, and Stella gave me dirty looks throughout the reception. When I approached them a while later, they were both short with me. My father, Stella and Zoey left less than an hour into the reception."
"My father and Stella called me the next day and told me off for how I'd treated Zoey. This had been her first time making a wedding dress and had been excited to see me wearing it. They said it was insulting of me to not wear the dress she'd put so much effort into."
"I tried to explain why I hadn't worn the dress, but they're both insisting the dress was beautiful and I could have sucked it up."
"My husband and my younger sister (not Zoey) are on my side. I've been feeling guilty about this since I decided not to wear the dress."
"AITA?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
A majority of Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Zoey disrespected you by ignoring your wants. As a designer, she needs to listen to her clients. Plus her making the dress way too big means she isn't that great at it."
"Give the dress back to Zoey, and let her know that you appreciated the effort, but this was not the dress you wanted and the two of you agreed to. That you are sure she will find someone to appreciate the dress."
"As for her mom and your dad. Let them know that Zoey needs to listen to her clients. And that though you appreciate Zoey's efforts, it was not what you wanted and that as a client you don't need to suck it up. And that they should have learned to accept that people have a right to make their own choices. Especially regarding wedding dresses."
"Honestly wondering if Zoey did this on purpose to get attention during your wedding." – Popular-Jaguar-3803
"As a family/friends seamstress and former alterations person, this jumped out at me. If she is a trained designer, even at 21, there's no way the size was a mistake."
"OP is naive and feeling guilty but Popular-Jaguar-3803 is spot on. OP was played. Zoey never intended for OP to wear the dress, it was made for whoever she knows that is the size she made it! She decided that very early on - when she cast the agreed upon design aside and sketched this new one, drafted the pieces, continually measuring as she went, and made a muslin mock-up which the bride (whomever she was) then tried on."
"When creating with expensive material, you never lay shears to it until it is certain that the muslin fits perfectly. It was NOT that she made a few changes here & there as she went and it magically morphed into a different design 3 sizes too big. She obviously knew OP couldn't wear it but she rather than admitting she dropped the ball entirely (and be judged for it) she pretended that she completed the dress and OP rudely rejected it, betting on the fact that you would never expose what she did."
"As a designer she would have been mortified if everyone saw her ill-fitting creation on you! AND there was no need for her to well-up with tears a full month after you rejected the dress, during your wedding and purposefully drawing attention away from the bride. She made a scene on purpose, again, creating the narrative that OP is not just wrong, but mean and hurtful - see the tears???"
"Her mother expected OP to wear Zoey's dress and any sane daughter would have told her long before the wedding that wasn't happening after all. But if mom knew a month in advance, Zoey would have had no shock value, no venom to whisper in mom's ear, no reason to create drama."
"NTA ThrwayStepSisDress but Zoey is beyond! Breaking her promise and leaving you w/o a wedding dress but not even admitting it let alone apologizing wasn't enough for Zoey - she needed to bring crazy drama to your wedding and the family too? Condolences Zoey, congrats on hubby!" – JustWatchin2021
"NTA."
"Yup. At some point in the process, she decided that she knew better and set out to make a dress that she thought would be more fashionable and closer to her own aesthetic. That's why she didn't send photos or do fittings."
"It may well have been finished earlier, but she waited until there was just a month left thinking that the bride would have no choice but to accept it. She would then be able to make last minute alterations."
"She may have had a fantasy of the bride walking down the aisle, getting lots of praise, and her being able to take complete credit for her 'vision.' Bride put a hard stop to that, and she's angry because she's essentially a spoiled child who didn't get her way."
"She probably doesn't understand that she needs to tailor a dress to the needs of the client because she thinks her sense of style/fashion is superior, and she doesn't think she needs to listen to others." – Cat-Lady-13
"NTA - Most of the friends that I had who were like this are now former friends. They don't listen when I point out that we have already discussed this exact thing a dozen times and I don't want to hear any more about it!"
"They interpret my life for me, and don't listen when I tell them that, actually, that isn't how I feel."
"One of them was always proposing virtuous things that I should do, although she had no intention of doing them herself; my becoming a vegetarian was a favorite. One evening the two of us were eating alone, in a restaurant with plenty of vegetarian/vegan options, when, in between bites of her meat entree, she told me that vegetarianism was the only moral way to live and I should be a vegetarian."
"When I pointed out that she was not a vegetarian, she couldn't see what that had to do with anything." – NobodyButMyShadow
Overall, Redditors remained on her side.
Hopefully, now that the wedding day has come and gone, the disappointed individuals can move on from the conflict and be happy for the newlyweds.
Congrats to the happy couple.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.