Content Warning: Affair, Affair Baby, Divorce
Everyone has different standards when it comes to what they will put up with in a friendship, relationship, or even connection with a family member.
What would annoy one person might be a total deal breaker for someone else.
But we should all be able to agree that siblings having an affair, as well as resulting children, would be a deal breaker for anyone, pointed out the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Fantastic_Car3747 had recently found out that her sister was pregnant, only to also discover that the child was her husband’s due to an affair they’d been having.
When the sister’s life started to fall apart because her partner didn’t want to stay with her, the Original Poster (OP) refused to help her get back on her feet.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not helping my sister who became homeless just after she gave birth to her and my soon-to-be ex-husband’s baby?”
The OP and her sister grew up very emotionally close.
“My sister (24 Female) and I (26 female) were really close our whole lives, and we moved away from our parents together when she was 18 and I was 20.”
“I met my (soon to be) ex-husband here, and we got married, and my sister stayed close. We spent a lot of time together.”
But then the OP’s sister ruined everything by getting too close to the OP’s husband.
“Then, a few months ago, I learned my sister was pregnant, and my husband was the father.”
“I ended my marriage to him immediately, and I told my sister I wanted nothing more to do with her, and she was on her own. I had some of her stuff at my place and left it at my ex’s place for her.”
“For the rest of the pregnancy, they were living together.”
“But then he wouldn’t let her back in after the baby was born. She called our parents from the hospital and told them she had nowhere to go. She said that he was looking for custody and didn’t want her back and that I wasn’t answering her calls.”
“They called me, and after I heard them explain what was going on, I told them it wasn’t my problem. They tried to argue but I wasn’t having any of it.”
The OP’s parents continued to try to convince her to take responsibility.
“She got a place at a shelter for single parents and she’s still there several weeks later. With the custody dispute, she can’t move back to our parents’ house out-of-state, and I am still refusing to help her out.”
“My parents are angry because I won’t even take her calls or reply to any messages she’s sent. I actually blocked her because I knew she wouldn’t stop. My parents don’t know that part.”
“But they’re telling me I should be ashamed of myself for turning my back on her and the baby. They think that her circumstances mean that I should put what she did aside. They’re acting like I’m supposed to care more about what she’s going through now than what she put me through.”
“But that won’t be happening. I told my parents I owed her and the baby nothing. I told them it was just a shame she didn’t choke on his d**k when they were sleeping together behind my back.”
“My parents called me disgusting for leaving them homeless. They think that I have room and should help.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it wasn’t her responsibility to solve her sister’s problems.
“NTA. Blood doesn’t equal responsibility.”
“The responsibility lies on the PARENTS, not the aunt, uncle, grandparents, strangers, etc.”
“The dad is a bum. The mom is a bum.”
“Grandparents should be sending her money to get into a hotel… Also, since she’s homeless, she NEEDS TO GO HOME to her parents. Custody battle or not, she’s going to lose the kid because she doesn’t have a stable home for the kid.”
“Why suffer in a shelter until then?”
“Consequences of one’s actions.” – herejusttoargue909
“This is a consequence of her betrayal, not your actions. Your sister shattered your trust and chose this path; you have no obligation to clean up the mess she made.” – EsmeTidy
“Why aren’t these AH parents taking in their cheating, lying, AH daughter in themselves?!”
“I’d go no contact with the lot of them. Forever.”
“NTA, OP, but leave them in your MOUNTAIN of right dust.” – Fuzzy_Laugh_1117
“Your parents are okay with finding out that your sister was screwing around with your husband, so much so that she got pregnant by him, and now that he doesn’t want her, you’re supposed to put it all behind you and help her out?!”
“Nope! Block them all, and keep them blocked. Not your circus!” – Upbeat_Vanilla_7285
“Okay, your sister can’t stay with your parents because of the custody battle. Fair.”
“But why can’t your parents pay for an apartment or have family help out? Why does it have to be YOU?!”
“NTA! That’s one crazy bleeping sister.”
“NTA! Your parents don’t want to deal with the situation and yet they want you to take on the responsibility to help?”
“NTA! No way!” – 01happynewyorker
“Your SISTER slept with your husband. It sounds like she intentionally got pregnant, too. Then she moved into YOUR house with YOUR husband.”
“Was she trying to take over your life, and when it went tits up, she ran to you expecting you to forgive, forget, and PROVIDE for her and her baby?”
“Cut contact with ALL of them. You will never have any peace if they can contact you. NTA.” – angelicak92
Others agreed and said the parents were close to needing to be blocked, too.
“NTA. Good job standing your ground and having boundaries. Your sister will figure her s**t out eventually, but that’s not your concern.”
“Your parents are on thin ice for trying to force you to help that backstabber.” – ImAnNPCsoWhat
“Ask your father how he would feel if his brother f**ked his wife, got her pregnant, and then they moved in together? Ask your mom how she’d feel if her sister did the same.”
“Ask them to explain it to each other, on the phone with you, and if you like their answers, THEN you will take her call (but of course you never will, do not take her call).” – waxedgood
“NTA, at all.”
“Perhaps consider giving your parents a hard boundary… Tell your parents that while they may want to help their f**ked up daughter who cruelly devastated you and upended your life, that if they bring her up to you again, you will be ending the visit, hanging up, leaving wherever…”
“And then don’t say this part, but refuse to answer their calls for a couple of weeks. After a couple of weeks, call them back and act like everything is fine. If they do it again, go a month or two before returning their calls… They will eventually learn you are serious… People don’t respect your boundaries until you enforce them.”
“Also, send in writing, certified mail to your sister, that you want no further contact from her and that if she continues to call, harass, come to your home, etc… you will be contacting the police, trespassing her, having her arrested if circumstances allow and if bad enough seeking a restraining order.”
“Copy your parents. Even better if you can spend a couple hundred with a lawyer to have it sent on their letterhead.”
“Scorched earth… what she did to you… go scorched earth. Not recoverable.” – Hippy_Dippy_Gypsy
“They probably care more about their grandchild than anything else right now, and if your sister doesn’t have a roof over her head then she’s going to lose the kid to the father in a custody fight. Then your parents might never see their grandchild at all. It wouldn’t surprise me if that is why they are acting like this right now.”
“But that doesn’t give them the right to betray you like this.”
“You are doing the right thing by standing your ground after what your sister did to you. She’s just reaping what she has sown.” – Corodix
“I enjoy them saying you should be ashamed of yourself. My response would be that their previous darling should be ashamed of the fact she had sex with her sister’s husband (I know siblings are meant to share, but I didn’t realize that meant sharing the fun parts of their spouses).”
“Their previous darling happily shacked up with said husband, and only now wants something to do with you, not because she’s sorry that betrayed you, but because she wants you to pay for her mistakes by taking her in, looking after her, and telling her that the man she destroyed your marriage and your relationship with her to f**k is such a meanie.”
“Your parents should be ashamed that they’re backing their husband-screwing, sibling-betraying child and expecting their betrayed child to just forget it all and help out.”
“Would they like you to babysit the reminder of your sister’s betrayal? Help her with a lawyer when you’re likely still paying for your own lawyer to divorce the husband she slept with? Your sister didn’t give a d**n about family loyalty when she was sleeping with your ex, so why would you owe her that same loyalty now?”
“If they care so much, let them bail her out. It’s not your responsibility.”
“H**l, I’d point out that they’re shirking their parental and grandparental responsibilities by allowing their precious angel to be homeless, and they should be ashamed that they aren’t doing everything in their power to help her. It doesn’t matter that they live ages away, family helps family.” – Buttered_Crumpet09
“NTA.”
“You’re in a no-win situation. Your family betrayed you. Your sister and ex-husband ruined your marriage. Your parents don’t have your back.”
“I’d go VERY low contact with your parents at the moment, if you want any contact at all.”
“Write an email today, saying everything you want to say, why you’re hurt, and how there’s no easy solution, and why your relationship with them has changed. But don’t send it yet.”
“Then tonight, get as much sleep as you can, and then tomorrow morning, look back over the email, and if you still feel the same way, send it.”
“When you hit ‘send,’ follow through with anything you said you would do in that email, like blocking or changing your phone number. You’ve been through a lot, and I wish you happiness.” – HorrorLavishness9462
As much as the subReddit could empathize with the newborn baby, they respected the OP’s boundaries and questioned what the parents were thinking, expecting the OP to care for the sister who betrayed her and had her soon-to-be ex-husband’s baby.
Surely, the OP’s parents could do something from afar, at least while the parents compete for custody of the child. Once the custody agreement was finalized, the sister had somewhere to go, and it wasn’t the OP’s house.