The idea of visiting one's in-laws results in a different reaction from everyone.
Some people love their in-laws as much or more than their own family, and thus can't wait to spend time with them.
For others, there is truly little anyone would want less.
The husband of Redditor wrenchinapot wanted to visit his parents over the summer.
Something the OP was vehemently against.
So much so, that she even went so far as to tell her husband he could go alone, but she would not be joining him.
After her husband called her selfish, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here? (AITAH)"
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for refusing to visit in laws bc of house temp?"
The OP explained why she had no intention of visiting her in-laws this summer:
"My (36 F[emale]) husband’s (37 M[ale]) family lives out of state."
"We are in the DC area and they live in southern Mississippi."
"Every summer, we spend two weeks visiting."
"My in laws are great, except for one thing."
"They keep their house (in the summer) at 80 degrees."
"It’s unbearable."
"I do not sleep."
"It makes me nauseous."
"If I try to ask for more AC, they oblige for 10 minutes then complain about being too cold."
"My husband is also miserable, but he deals with it."
"Tonight, I told him he’s more than welcome to visit this summer, but I will not be joining him."
"It’s not relaxing for me."
"I do not want to use my vacation time to be miserable for two weeks."
"He got upset and said spending time with his family and his wife together is important to him."
"He said I was being selfish (I am being selfish, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing here)."
"I explained I understand that, but unless we can stay in other accommodations (like a hotel) or if his parents agree to make the interior cooler for the visit, I will stay behind."
"Of course, he wants to stay with his family."
"But he won’t say anything to them about the temperature."
"This upset me. I told him part of being married is watching out for the wellbeing of your partner and of course it escalated."
"It would be difficult for them to travel to visit us, especially for two weeks."
"They do visit us, and we see them multiple times a year. Husband’s relationship with my family is great."
"My family lives closer, so it’s easy to spend a weekend with them here and there."
"It seems like such a trivial issue, but it can be unbearable getting minimal sleep, sweating all the time, with no relief for 14 days straight."
"So have at it."
"AITAH for not visiting my in-laws until something changes?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that it would not be wrong for the OP to skip visiting her in-laws.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP should not have to endure the scalding heat, and her husband should be more willing to make a compromise:
"NTA."
"Sucking up all your vacation time to spend with your in-laws in Mississippi is absurd."
"Being hot, sick, and uncomfortable for two weeks is also ridiculous."- geekgirlwww
"Stay at a hotel."
"Let's you do shorter visits or meet up at more temperature-normal locations."- gymratt17
"NTA, and staying at a hotel is an extremely fair compromise."
"If your husband would prefer staying at his parents' while you get the hotel to yourself, even better!"
"Keep firm on your limits, here."
"It's not fair that he's too chicken to speak up for himself and expects you to suffer for two weeks because of it."- holyflurkingsnit
"NTA."
"This is absolutely unbearable."
"My in-laws are the same."
"They have central AC but they KEEP IT OFF and it’s 80 degrees."
"I’m pregnant, and we have a toddler and are not going back to their terrarium ever again lol."
"They at least put portable units in bedrooms though for guests."
"Maybe that could be a compromise?"
"But as soon as you walk out of your room, you’ll be miserable."- glassyrunnerduck
"My grandparents were like that when they hit 85 years old."
"I remember being at their house in the upper Midwest in January and sleeping with the window open."
"Can you store a portable air conditioner at their house?"
"And use it in your bedroom at night."
"NTA though."
"Two weeks is too long to be that miserable."- Ok-Refrigerator
"Are they older people?"
"Sometimes older people in the South keep their AC set at that temperature to prevent from having an expensive electricity bill."
"Older people normally get cold fast, even in the summer."
"My dad wore a jacket in the house during the summer."
"He stayed cold."
"NTA."
"I'M IN LOUISIANA, AND IT'S HELLA HOT HERE."- ConsiderationMean781
"NTA."
"If being with his parents and wife at the same time is important to him, he should speak up about his wife's needs and insist that they be accommodated."
"Instead, what he is saying is that he would rather you are miserable, sleepless, and nauseated, so he can avoid the discomfort of setting a boundary with his parents."
"Do you think their real motivation for keeping it warm is financial?"
"Would it be helpful if you two offered to contribute a few hundred bucks to the electric bill during your visit?"- Slight_Citron_7064
"A reasonable compromise was the hotel, but your partner doesn't want to be responsible."
"NTA."- Dull-Problem-1191
"I get hot SO fast and have this problem with my in-laws' house."
"When they have the oven on, and people are crowded in the house, it gets hot easily."
"My MIL doesn’t mind the heat at all, so doesn’t realize it most of the time."
"I do."
"All her kids are used to it, but I can’t hide when I’m hot, I literally get overstimulated."
"My 3-year-old and I get super red cheeks when we get hot, so they’ve started to crank the AC lol."
"Thankfully, they try to fix it as soon as they realize, and apparently, before me, everyone just stuck it out."
"No clue how."
"All this to say, I don’t blame you one bit."
"I would not stay there either."
"NTA at all in my books."- HereFromFB
"I could NOT sleep in those conditions, and I also would refuse."
"Your husband needs to stand up for you."- ClassyBroad33
"Do you have to visit in the summer?"
"When do you guys visit your parents?"
"How about a hotel?"
"You DON'T have to sleep in their too hot house."
"NTA."- Wide-Chemistry-8078
"NTA."
"They make hotels for a reason."
"Stay at one and visit during the day."- K_A_irony
"NTA."
"You're offering alternatives and 80° is too damn hot to be comfortable."- Old-Current6989
"Had to Google what that is in Celsius to come to a judgment and NTA."
"That’s 26.7 degrees celsius!"
"Elderly people can prefer things a bit on the warmer side sometimes, but that is nuts for indoors at night trying to sleep."- CoconutSylveon
"I have fibromyalgia, and the heat makes it worse."
"I would be in so much pain I can not even fathom being there for longer than a day."
"You don’t have an in-law issue."
"You have a husband issue."- Mrs_A_Mad
"Go for a shorter period and stay at a hotel."
"NTA 80° is hellish for sleep."
"That’s madness."- SundaePasta
"NTA."
"Hotel or AirBnb is a great compromise."
"If he can't compromise, then he can go alone."
"80 is too hot in the south."
"I have been there and know that feeling."- CSurvivor9
"NTA."
"Staying 2 weeks with your in-laws would be maddening even if the home was kept at a reasonable temperature."
"I would do a shorter visit, stay in a hotel, and your husband can stay longer and at their home if he wants."
"It also gives you more of a vacation to relax and some separation."- PuzzledNinja5457
"80 degrees is insane."
"NTA."- Stock-Cell1556
"NTA."
"And do you like taking a two-week vacation to South Mississippi every year?"
"Do you ever want to take two-week vacations elsewhere (and do you)?"
"Can you, or does this two-week visit to his parents always deplete your vacation days/time?"
"That would be something that would bother me, personally."
"I personally would not want to use that amount of vacation every year to go to the same place, but that’s me."
"If you’re fine with it and the temperature your in-laws keep their house at is the only problem, I still think you’re fine to say either you both stay at a hotel or he goes alone."
"Or maybe if the visits are shorter in duration (like a long weekend), it might be a little more tolerable or friendly on the wallet."- ourlittlevisionary
Temperature is a matter of personal preference, as everyone reacts differently to extreme heat or cold.
With many people having trouble functioning in extreme heat, the OP is one of them.
Perhaps the OP's in-laws could invest in some new sweaters ahead of their next visit?
At least if they ever want the OP to visit them again...
