A YouGov survey showed that in commercial movie theaters in the United States, speaking at a normal volume during a film is widely considered a major breach of etiquette and social norms, while brief, quiet whispers are conditionally tolerated by most.
But context can completely change those expectations.
80% viewed talking at a normal volume or spoiling plot points as completely unacceptable behavior. But 71% found very quiet, brief whispering acceptable. 64% felt collective reactions like laughing loudly at a joke were widely accepted, but loud crying or talking back to the screen at regular volume wasn't.
But interactive screenings and cultural context are a large factor. Cult classics, midnight premieres, blockbusters with dedicated fan bases, or horror movies frequently feature cheering, shouting, or vocal engagement as part of a shared, communal experience. And participatory viewing styles have deep roots in specific community traditions.
Observing silence at all times during movies isn't a universal cultural norm.
A Redditor turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a friend didn't observe their cultural norm for movies and live shows.
Littleredbird1991 asked:
"AITA for telling a friend why we don’t invite her out anymore?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"A few months ago a new girl started tagging along with my friend group (Mia, 32, female). She’s a nice enough person so we all didn’t have a problem with it at first."
"Then we decided to watch a movie together. And Mia talked through the entire thing. She kept a running commentary going through the whole movie."
"She would mention plot holes, trivia about the actors, just general nonsense. We were watching the movie on streaming at someone’s house, so it was annoying, but we all got over it."
"Then we went to see 'The Odyssey' in IMAX. And she kept whispering to me the entire movie. Like a full-on running commentary about every little difference there was between the poem and the movie, fun facts about Matt Damon, basically didn’t shut up the entire movie."
"I had been sitting next to her, and I asked her to be quiet a few times, but she didn’t seem to get the message."
"A few weeks later, a friend said he got tickets to see 'Something Rotten,' which is a musical. Someone else said, 'Don’t invite Mia.' So we created a second group chat without Mia to coordinate that show. We went without Mia and had a good time."
"We do other things too, and we’ve invited Mia to come along. It’s just we like to do movie nights, and I work at a theater so I can get good prices on tickets."
"The next time we were going to do a movie night at someone’s home, we again didn’t invite Mia. We invited her to a boating day we did, so it wasn’t like we were excluding her from everything."
"Last week the non-Mia group chat decided to go see 'Rock of Ages' at the theater where I work and asked if I could get them a deal on tickets. Mia apparently found out about this get-together and called me to ask why we hadn’t invited her."
"I decided to be blunt and told her, 'Because you won’t shut up when we’re watching stuff'. Mia seemed to get offended and apparently went to the rest of my friend group to get the truth. Some told her straight up why and others either left her on read or lied about the plans."
"Now my friend group is divided. Some think it was right to tell Mia the truth, while others think that we should have lied to spare her feelings. Nobody wants to invite her to the show (which they are coming to tonight without Mia) though."
"So AITA?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors were divided on OP and their friend group, with some voting everyone sucked (ESH)...
"ESH. You did her a favor, although you could have put it more gently. Your other friends should tell her the truth too. Maybe if she actually realizes and corrects her behavior, she can be invited again." ~ Vicky-Momm
"Yeah, I would’ve been a little kinder and told her that the group doesn’t enjoy her trying to converse when you’re watching a movie. But to say that you “won’t shut up” it’s pretty rude.ESH." ~ Savings-Breath-9118
"ESH. Y’all are too old for this nonsense. Someone should have had a straight-up talk with Mia before cutting her out of things." ~ _DontBeAScaredyC*nt
"I agree that adults don’t need to invite everyone to every outing, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having different subsets within a friend group. But that’s not really the issue here."
"It seems, no one actually talked to her about her behavior. They simply created a separate group without her."
"If her behavior was genuinely bothering them, I think she should have at least been given the opportunity to know that and correct it. If they spoke to her and the behavior continued, then I’d have no issue with choosing not to invite her to shows."
"But creating a new group specifically to exclude her without ever addressing the problem feels different from simply having different friendships or interests. ESH." ~ 1878r
"ESH. If you said, 'You talked through both movies in and out of theatres, and it really killed the experience. We didn't know how to tell you how upsetting it was for us' you'd still be immature for creating your non-Mia chat to avoid telling her, but not the a**hole."
"But, 'Because you won't shut up' isn't how an adult talks to another adult. If you work the service industry, you know this. C'mon now. You sound like a bunch of 13-year-olds, not people in their 30s." ~ okiesotan
"ESH. I mean, yeah, that’s rude. If she’s annoying, she’s annoying. But you can talk to people. Clearly you’re doing it on Reddit…."
"You’re in your 30s. That’s high school sh*t to go out of your way to cut someone off cuz they talked during a movie. And getting mad about her talking during a movie you guys are streaming at home makes me think you’re the uptight person." ~ Federal_Property_694
...others decided OP wasn't the a**hole (NTA)...
"NTA. You asked during the movie, and she did not comply. Choosing not to invite her to another movie is due to her behavior. She wants to go; she knows what not to do or risk a permanent movie ban." ~ ThatTotal2020
"You are never the a**hole for telling someone why you don't like them anymore. People need to know to improve. NTA." ~ misterofthep
"NTA, but mannn y’all seriously need to learn how to communicate with your friends. I would’ve told her to STFU the first time…" ~ wedntget2tlk
"NTA. Ghosting her and sneaking to plan things was the a**hole move. Addressing that kind of behavior, directly, explicitly, in the moment gives her a chance to learn and adapt. Avoiding the small, simple confrontations doesn't help any of you." ~ BeckyDaTechie
...and some judged that OP was the a**hole.
"YTA. Ya'll are in your 30s, and not one of you could have said, outside of a movie, 'Hey Mia, it's awesome that you love movies and know all this stuff about the plot, actors, etc... But we prefer to watch the movie in silence and then talk about it afterward. If that doesn't work for you, we'll understand if you don't want to see movies with us anymore."
"Y'all need to grow the f*ck up. You behaved like children." ~ BerryBoilo
"YTA - You're grown-ups. Instead of creating a new group chat and excluding her, you should have pulled her aside and told her the behavior was annoying everyone and asked if she was able/wanted to be quiet and continue being invited to shows or only join up for other non-show events." ~ Upbeat_Shock2713
"YTA. The adult thing to do is to politely tell her this. In some cultures and some families, talking through a movie or show is normal. In others, it is considered rude. Don't assume your culture is correct or even the norm. It's just different."
"Politely telling her (after the first time), 'hey, we enjoy having you around, but when we are watching shows, we don’t talk during the movie/shows. We save those conversations for after the movie/show. Can you agree to hold off the convo?' Simple. Polite. Informational. Mature." ~ ItsJustLobster
"You're not wrong for saying something. YTA for bottling it up and dumping your frustration on this person. I am this person who talks during movies. I research and make comments. I make predictions. I never did this to bother others."
"I seriously didn't catch on to how much this annoyed people - not until they said something. Some people are like me and like to comment, but most don't like interruptions. Although I've improved over time, my people will lovingly remind me to shut up. They know I will forget. (I will even write notes to talk with them after the movie). I think you were helping her by letting her know. But, you didn't say anything until you were so frustrated that you snapped. That's not her fault. You became resentful because you didn't express your needs. Things that may seem obvious to you is not obvious to others. People can't read your mind." ~ PsychologicalScore49
"YTA. People are looking at this like talking during movies or shows is a universal taboo that everyone knows. It isn't. In some cultures, you can barely hear the movie for all the people responding to what's happening on screen. And in Shakespeare's time, the theatre was much the same."
"So to assume Mia is wrong, or breaking some universal rule, is small-minded. Your culture and customs aren't the only ones on this planet."
"If it bothered all of you, you all should have told her that very first time. Explicitly. Not hints, not shushing her during a movie. Like adults, you should have said None of you talk during movies or shows, and you'd like her to do the same. After the movie/show is over, you can all hang out and discuss it."
"You know, stop being so self-centered and act like adults." ~ MohawMais
While OP got a variety of judgments, the theme running through all of them was that the entire group should have told Mia the very first time it happened that their group doesn’t talk during movies or shows.
If they had, none of the other nonsense would have happened.
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