Birthday invites can be a cutthroat situation.
And this is the case for ANY age.
What should be just good, old, innocent fun, can really be a game of bloodthirsty politics.
Even the playground is an emotional war zone.
Some people make the cut to watch the cake cut.
And some people get a stale story about it after.
5 to 50, no mercy.
But why these dynamics?
Case in point…
Redditor juliemaeve wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for trying to invite my daughter to someone’s party and possibly ruining it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter, 9, goes to a small school with 11 girls in her grade.”
“Her class is very tight-knit and we all get along well.”
“About a year ago the girls started a book club and meet up at different homes 2 times per month.”
“My daughter was in it last summer but we had to stop when the school year began.”
“She’s a competitive dancer which requires a lot of time.”
“Fast forward to 3 weeks ago.”
“We had a girl in her class over named Sarah.”
“Sarah asked my daughter if she was excited to attend Addy’s, another girl in the class, birthday party.”
“She said it was a swimming party and they’d be playing a movie on an outdoor screen.”
“My daughter hadn’t received an invite.”
“When Sarah’s mom came Sarah told her how we hadn’t received an invite for Addy’s birthday.”
“Sarah’s mom said Addy had handed them out at the last book club and had probably just forgotten to reach out.”
“She suggested I text Addy’s mom.”
“I was hesitant at first because I do have strong feelings about inviting yourself to things.”
“I couldn’t see a real reason why she wasn’t invited since it was an at-home party and every other girl was invited.”
“I texted Addy’s mom and reminded her my daughter hadn’t been at the last book club and if she was also supposed to receive an invite.”
“She responded that they had hired someone to do a spa for the girls during the party and the service had a limit of 10 so they decided to only do the girls in book club.”
“She didn’t expect us to find out.”
“I responded that I understood but felt it was wrong to not include just one.”
“I told my daughter we can’t expect to be invited every time and this was just a life lesson.”
“Sarah’s mom reached out to ask if I had sorted it out.”
“I sent her a screenshot from the convo.”
“She didn’t respond for a few days but when she did she told me she had decided Sarah wouldn’t attend.”
“She felt it was wrong to not include just one child and she could see if our kids didn’t get along or had drama but that wasn’t the case.”
“They hired someone knowing just one girl would be left out and she didn’t agree with it.”
“I get a text from Addy’s mom a week later that a total of 4 girls were not attending.”
“She felt I had ruined her daughter’s party and was creating drama.”
“I explained that I had no intentions of ruining her party and had only spoken to one other mom about it.”
“I talked to my own mom about it who agreed I should not have texted Addy’s mom and if they had wanted us we would have been invited.”
“The only mom I talked to about it was Sarah’s which I assume is who told others.”
“I never meant to cause others to not attend or ruin a child’s party.”
“When I reached out I really felt like it must have been a mistake since she was the only one.”
“Now I’m unsure if I was just a jerk who now caused unnecessary drama in a small group and possibly ruined a child’s party.”
“Was I the AH?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Not unreasonable to think in a group that small everyone would have received an invitation.”
“But some food for thought…”
“Not invited? Don’t go.”
“Not told? Don’t ask.”
“Late invite? Decline, you were never a part of the plan.” ~ Emergency_Ad_5935
“My wife and I did the exact same.”
“We had a max capacity of 50 guests, and invited our very dearest friends and family to attend.”
“When some guests canceled 2 months in advance, we sent out a select number of invites to family friends who we didn’t originally have space for.”
“They said yes, and it was such a joy to have as many loved ones as possible attend our wedding.”
“One couple, in particular, was my sister’s best friend’s parents, whom I’ve known for 25 years.”
“I’m so incredibly thankful that they could be there, even if it was only possible because other dear friends couldn’t be.” ~ Faithful_hummingbird
“Yep. My one friend gave me B-list status updates until enough relatives declined that she could invite me.”
“Her parents paid. Their friends came before the couple’s, sadly.”
“OP is NTA.”
“My kid’s school had a rule about this, and it didn’t matter where the invitations were handed out.”
“If you invited more than one or two classmates, you had to invite the entire class.”
“ETA: My kids also attended a small, private school.”
“To put it in perspective, there were only nine in my daughter’s class and only six girls.”
“If any of them were excluded from anything, feelings would be hurt.”
“You were allowed to just girls or just boys.”
“Like, the boys didn’t feel they missed out when we made fascinators at my daughter’s birthday tea party; it was fine that I only invited the girls.” ~ HelenaBirkinBag
“100% agree.”
“Also with the kid’s party the invites (anymore can’t be given out at school unless it’s to the whole class) we’re given out at the book club.”
“The daughter is still in the club but doesn’t make it to all the meetings.”
“It doesn’t seem too far-fetched to call and ask in that scenario as it’d be easy to miss.”
“NTA and you didn’t even start it.”
“One kid asked your child if she was going to a friend’s birthday. She didn’t know the party was happening.”
“The other mom seemed to think it was a mistake as well (and with the circumstances, it would be entirely possible not to realize they went out at one of the book clubs daughter couldn’t attend).”
“You called and asked just to check.”
“She gave her explanation and when the other mom asked if you found out what was up you told the truth.”
‘Other moms didn’t like the idea of someone’s excluding just one child so they pulled their kids out of it because they didn’t agree.”
“Sorry, but this mom chose something for the party that made it so she had to leave out just one kid.”
“I get the idea of price points and I’m sure that was a factor but this just seems like an excuse to exclude one child.”
“Seems other moms felt the same way.”
“It was her kid’s party it’s her prerogative to put activities over people but it’s the other parent’s choice if they want to instill that in their children.” ~ acegirl1985
“I think if it’s your kid being left out, you go to bat as long as it’s not going to result in your kid being treated badly.”
“Clearly, at least some of the other families didn’t know this was going down and didn’t approve of this mom shunning OP’s kid.”
“So it’s good OP made this known, to bring this toxic crap to light before it became a recurring theme.”
“The other parents who backed out will probably be extra careful now to make sure OP’s kid isn’t excluded.”
“NTA, OP—Addy’s mom brought this on them by being a jerk.” ~ discofeverish
“Yes, if they didn’t want to attend because one girl was shunned they might not have stayed anyway once they got there.”
“Even if she hadn’t reached out to Addy’s mom, Sarah’s mom still knew that they hadn’t received an invitation and would’ve told the rest when she wasn’t there.”
“It’s better to RSVP no than to leave early in a mass exodus or have to explain why you shunned just one kid and acted like none of them were friends of hers that would’ve mentioned it.”
“Addy’s mom pretty much admitted that she thought OP’s daughter wasn’t friends with the rest of them.”
“So many women like Addy’s mom don’t mature past high school clique behavior and it’s disgusting.” ~ PsychologicalGain757
“NTA. It’s completely normal to want your kids not to be left alone or rejected.”
“And you didn’t purposefully send the screenshot just to make drama.”
“It was just responding to a question someone asked you that it (but sending the screenshot of a private conversation to someone else is a mistake so watch out next time).”
“And also you didn’t make those 4 girl’s parents to decide to not make their daughters attend.”
“So you did nothing wrong.”
“And you also taught your daughter that she will not be invited sometimes and that’s something that happens and it’s fine and that is great parenting.” ~ ValuableMan010
“NTA – you don’t exclude one kid from a party, it’s unnecessarily cruel.”
“Have only 6 sure, 10 of 11, no, and they shouldn’t be surprised it’s had consequences.” ~ ladyatlantica
OP came back with a touch of info…
“My daughter does still attend book club once per month to once every other month.”
“She didn’t totally leave.”
“She’s just not a full-time member.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You had an honest question to ask.
And it is odd to leave off just “1” girl.
And Addy’s mom’s response is… questionable at best.
You had no malicious intent.
Hopefully, everyone can find a peaceful way forward.