Parenthood isn’t for everyone, but the cold feet should hopefully come long before the labor pains.
A younger brother dealing with his older sibling’s untimely decision he can’t handle fatherhood turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Superb-Dirt3747 asked:
“AITA for telling my brother that he’s going to be a sh*t dad?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (30, male) was at my brother’s (34, male) house when my sister-in-law (31, female) went into labour. They live in the countryside so the signal isn’t too great sometimes unless they walk up the lane.”
“So my brother was supposed to take her to the hospital instead of calling an ambulance, but for some f*cking reason he decided to freak out and drive off somewhere.”
“I can’t drive—I was in a pretty bad crash when I was about 20 and it just put me off driving—so I ran up the lane to call 999. It took forever to get a signal and then it took forever for the ambulance to get to the house.”
“I almost had to deliver the baby for f*ck’s sake. She ended up giving birth in the back of an ambulance.”
“This whole time my brother had just disappeared. He finally turned up at the hospital about 8 hours after he disappeared.”
“Apparently he’d gone to our dad’s house until our father found out my sister-in-law gave birth and he made my brother go see her.”
“My dad said that he was out and only got home about 3 or 4 hours after my brother got there, so I suppose he had a chance to calm down by the time my dad got home. My dad said he was acting a bit weird but he was talking and laughing and watching TV and whatever.”
“He told my dad that he had an argument with my sister-in-law and asked to stay for a bit. He didn’t mention anything about what actually happened.”
“Apparently they had a bit of an argument when my dad told him to go to hospital and my dad had to practically push him out the door.”
“I yelled at him outside the hospital for being so f*cking stupid. He told me that he just got scared and didn’t know what to do.”
“I told him that he’s going to a sh*t dad if he keeps reacting like this.”
“What’s he gonna do when the kid gets injured and it’s his responsibility to take him to A&E? Is he just gonna dump the kid and run off to dad’s again?”
He’s such an idiot, f*cking hell. He started crying and called me a tw*t for being so mean to him.”
“I just lost it with him. He was acting like a child when he should be comforting his f*cking wife and apologising to her for being a d*ck.”
“He called me a c*nt and told me that I don’t understand what he’s feeling. I get that he was scared, but he seriously needs to get a grip and help his wife whose home from the hospital with the baby.”
“I’m looking after the baby right now whilst my sister-in-law is sleeping and my brother was out shopping or something—he’s back, but went straight to sleep though so he’s not much help. My sister-in-law asked me to stay with her for a couple of days.”
“I don’t know if he’s actually asleep, but he said he was going to sleep. I don’t know why, it’s not like he’s done much. I was up with my sister-in-law last night with the baby—he didn’t do sh*t.”
“I told him I’d go so he could look after his literal son, but he said he needed a break. Clearly he can’t be a dad for more than an hour without needing a break.”
“I’m only staying because she asked me to. I think she’s worried that if something happens to her or the baby then my brother’s just going to f*ck off again.”
“She only has her parents, but they live pretty far away. I won’t let her be abandoned though, I’ll just have to learn to drive so I can go down to her house on my own, I guess.”
“She wasn’t happy about his behavior, but she’s a really nice person and she wants to give him a chance.”
“I have told her that if she decides to leave him or if she just needs a break from being in a house with him, they can stay with me if she wants.”
“She’s understandably really angry, but she has also just had a whole baby come out of her so she’s trying not to waste any more energy thinking about it.”
“She said she’ll speak to him soon, though, and they have already had an argument, but she said it’s more important to her to look after the baby than teach my brother not to be a d*ck.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I told my brother that he’s going to be a sh*t dad. I could be the a**hole because that might’ve been a harsh thing to say, and I could’ve been more sympathetic towards him.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“They had a birth plan that said due to the area where they live he’s meant to drive her to the hospital instead of waiting ages for signal and an ambulance. Instead, he just ran away and left you and his wife to handle the situation.”
“Not only was it disrespectful, it was a complete disregard for her safety. What if there had been birth complications?”
“What if you couldn’t find a signal? What if the ambulance took longer to arrive?”
“He didn’t consider anyone but himself—he’s selfish. Since she gave birth in the ambulance, I can also imagine that she had been in labour for a WHILE already, which makes this situation so much worse.”
“You weren’t being mean, you gave him a wake-up call. If he was truly scared, there was no need for him to be gone for 8 HOURS.”
“I’m so glad everything went okay, you’re a good in-law OP. NTA.” ~ luvfolklore
“In my personal opinion, you are NOT the a**hole. NTA.”
“I get that becoming a parent is a HUGE thing, that even if you think you’re ready you’ll never truly be. BUT he just f*cking disappeared for 8 hours while his wife was in labour.”
“What if there were complications? What if you weren’t there in the moment she went into labour?”
“He needs to get his sh*t together and seek therapy if his response to stress is run away leaving his wife or child in a potentially harmful situation. And she needs to rethink their relationship if he doesn’t.” ~ Odd_Ad_3117
“Nope, NTA. I’m sorry, WTF? There’s a woman going into labour and her life is at stake.”
“Your brother being scared doesn’t matter, not even a little. We have moved onto higher stakes.”
“Okay, fine, he disappeared, but who the heck returns after 8 whole hours? That’s crazy and I’d divorce such a useless husband.”
“OP, you are amazing for keeping your sh*t together and prioritizing the mother. Ask your brother what would have happened if you weren’t present? His wife could have died.” ~ DiverFriendly4119
“Speaking as a husband of over 30 years and a dad for almost 30 years, when you become a husband and a dad, you have to understand that not everything is about you anymore.”
“Life can certainly be frightening, but when you are the person being depended upon, you can’t flake out…at least not THEN. Afterwards, when everything and everyone is safe and sound, sure.”
“But not DURING. At that point, your love for your spouse and children (should) override everything else, and you are driven to do one thing—help/save your wife and/or kids.”
“The brother had 9 months to prepare. If he didn’t think he was up to it he should have made several back-up plans. But this is literally a ‘you had ONE job’ situation.”
“And he blew it. In fact, he blew it so badly that he has fairly severely damaged his marriage. Happy long-term relationships are founded SO much on trust and he’s just shown his wife that he is untrustworthy in important situations.” ~ pcnauta
“NTA. What did your brother think he was doing. He must have known you couldn’t drive. Did he even consider how your SiL would get to the hospital?” ~ Abject-Variety3775
“He sounds utterly pathetic, to an embarrassing degree. I’ll be honest, if I were you and your brother’s father I’d be furious. Imagine having your child grow into such a coward.” ~ olivinebean
“NTA—he is already a sh*t parent. His wife and child could have died from lack of access to medical care.”
“When things go wrong in a birth, they go wrong FAST. He needs therapy ASAP.”
“I hope you can be there to support your SIL because he has just shown her that he can’t be trusted alone with the child and he can’t be trusted to get her the medical help she needs. This is grounds for divorce.” ~ IgnoranceIsShameful
“Oh, HE’S scared? Imagine being his WIFE, seeing her 34-year old (‽‽) husband run off to god-knows where, for god-knows how long, while her water’s broken, she’s contracting with labour pains, and left alone!”
“And then to find out he’d run off to—and then stayed at for 8 hours!—his DADDY’S place? This is not a grown man.”
“He is not fit to be a father. What a betrayal, holy sh*t. If I were her, I don’t think he’d even get the chance to redeem himself after this. NTA.” ~ fmlwhateven
The OP definitely stepped up when his older brother stepped away from his responsibilities.
Hopefully, this new dad gets his act together or gets out of his wife and child’s lives before he causes permanent harm.