in , ,

Mom Called ‘Difficult’ For Refusing To Take Off Work To Go Dress Shopping With Son’s Fiancée

wedding dress shopping
urbazon/Getty Images

I was proposed to four different times in college, but I ultimately decided I was not the marrying type.

The more I read about people’s wedding woes, I feel like I definitely dodged a bullet.

Some couples just take their big day way too seriously. Then even if the bride or groom are easygoing, there’s in-laws or friends to contend with.

A mother-of-the-groom in conflict with her future daughter-in-law was advised by her son to consult the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Brilliant_Muffin1405 asked:

“AITA for apparently making the wedding all about me by being difficult and not taking off work to go dress shopping?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I have to travel for my job, Monday through Friday. I have been getting on a plane every Monday and getting back on Friday due to a project needing to be supervised.”

“Luckily, my husband is fantastic, and I can come home and relax. This should finish up by May and I should get a few months without it.”

“Hopefully, the project finishes up without any issues.”

“My future daughter-in-law (DIL) works four days a week—Wednesday to Saturday, 10 hour shifts.”

“She wants to meet up to get a dress for the wedding. She wants to be there when I get my dress.”

“Originally I was just going to wear the same dress I wear for all weddings—long blue dress—but she wanted me to wear something else since it will match her bridesmaids.”

“I have no idea why she is so invested in this. Like it’s a dress—the wedding is in 5 months.”

“I also don’t get why she doesn’t want me to wear my blue dress. The horror if I am in the same color dress as the bridesmaids.”

“Mine is a baby blue and the bridesmaids’ dresses are a sea blue. The issue, according to her, is it’s blue.”

“They said it’s a formal wedding, so the dress should be fine. I’ve worn it to many formal events and it has never been a problem.”

“I’m not in the bridal party. I think it is extremely stupid that she has an issue with me wearing blue.”

“A lot of her guests will also be wearing blue. It’s blue—it’s one of the more popular colors.”

“So looking at our schedule Sunday would be the best day to do this. We are both off. She told me no since that is her rest day.”

“She asked for Monday. I told her I can’t because I have to work.”

“Then I suggested Friday or Saturday after work, but those got shot down. She wants me to take off work.”

“I then suggested she send me examples of what she wants and I’ll shop by myself and buy something like the examples. Also shot down.”

“After much back and forth, I told her I will just wear the blue dress. This started an argument and she called me a jerk.”

“My son is mad that I am making the wedding about me and not taking off work. I don’t think I am being unreasonable, but he told me to post here and ask.”

“I think he thought people would agree with him.”

“I can’t take a day off. Not every job is relaxed and you can take your PTO whenever you want.”

“I need to get on a plane to make sure people don’t f*ck up a power plant. If I am not there, they can not do any work because of the regulations.”

“Also, it would risk my job since going dress shopping isn’t a good reason to cost the company a ton for money for the day, since they can’t do any work if I’m not there.”

“If I don’t have to, I will not buy a new a new formal dress for this wedding. Would much rather wait for a dress I like that matches more stuff I own for a new formal one.”

“Instead of a dress picked out by someone else.”

“Would they be upset if their fathers showed up in the same suit that he owns? Would they expect him to buy a new suit, or is this only because I am a woman, so I need to get a new dress?”

“No one cares that men wear the same suit because they own it, but the moment a woman doesn’t shovel out money for another dress it’s a problem.”

“I just don’t find buying dresses a treat. I would much rather spend $200 on something else.”

“Really, it’s another thing I will only wear a few times, and then it’ll sit in the closet. Maybe I’ll rent a dress, but I’m not going to buy a new one when a perfectly good dress is in my closet.”

“My husband has worn the same suit for every event for the past 10 years. No one has issues with that.”

“But a woman has to keep getting new dresses and other things or apparently they aren’t excited for the wedding.”

“My dress is almost 6 years old now. It’s in good condition, I don’t get to wear it often.”

“It’s not old-fashioned; it’s pretty generic for a long dress. It won’t stand out at all.”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I won’t go dress shopping on Monday since I would need to take off work.”

“My DIL thinks I am a jerk for not taking time off, and my son thinks I am making the wedding about myself.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the asshole (NTA).

“NTA. You’ve offered reasonable suggestions to make this work, and she’s shot down each of them. That’s not your fault.”

“Why is she so invested in being there with you? Surely you can pick out a dress in a fit and style that would be appropriate and suitable.” ~ Living-Assumption272

“I’m assuming since your son sent you here he will be reading the replies so this is for him:”

“Son, your fiancee is being ridiculous. Your mom has given her several options but she’s refusing them all and blaming your mom.”

“I realize that some women behave badly during wedding planning—it can be very stressful, but your finacée is 100% the a**hole here. Good grief, she gets three days off of work.”

“If the problem is the color of your mom’s dress, why can’t your mom just buy a dress in a color that isn’t blue (or obviously white)? Why does your fiancée have to go with her?”

“Your mom IS NOT making this wedding about herself in any way. Is your fiancée’s mental health always this fragile, or is this just wedding stress?”

“Apologize to your mom and tell your fiancée that she either needs to accept that your mom will wear the blue dress, allow your mom to select her own dress of the appropriate color, OR commit to a shopping trip on a day your mom is off of work.” ~ celticmusebooks

“And Son, given your fiancée’s attitude toward your mother so far,  your mom spending a day with her could be Hell.”

“You need to set boundaries with your fiancée so she gets through the wedding process with grace and you can keep your family relationships intact.”

“Sure, it’s your fiancée’s day,  but she doesn’t get to rule the universe because of it. Mom is NTA.” ~ HighAltitude88008

“I’ve heard of some moms of either the bride or groom being awful—this is NOT one of those times. It seems OP genuinely tried to work within both their schedules and offered up lots of compromises to meet the future DIL’s demands.”

“She deserves none of what is being handed to her. NTA.” ~ DrAniB20

“NTA! Good thing your son sent you here to sort it. Her ‘rest day’ is not more important than your work days. You’ve been more than accommodating.” ~ Psychological-Ad7653

“NTA…You have offered several options that could make this work, but the bride will only accept you taking time off work. She’s the one being unreasonable.”

“Simply say that you will not be taking time off work and leave it at that. They can offer another solution if they don’t like any of yours.”

“With all of the horrible tales of parents and weddings on here, your son should be happy at how reasonable you are.” ~ RoyallyOakie

“I’m sorry, the wedding may be the most important thing in your son’s fiancée’s life right now… but it isn’t in yours.”

“If the woman wants you to wear a different dress than your go-to blue suitable for a wedding dress, and she insists she go shopping with you to get it, then she can take time out of her busy Sunday ‘rest day’ to go do just that, or she can pipe down and let you shop on your own.”

“And, OP, I would be very careful about shopping on your own; the bride sounds very controlling and demanding, and I can easily imagine the first dozen or so outfits being shot down.”

“I would insist she go shopping with you. Give her your schedule of availability and let her figure something out. NTA.” ~ YouthNAsia63

The OP offered an update.

“My son has this link. Anyways, he told me I can wear the blue dress and that it won’t be an issue.”

“No response from future DIL.”

Mother and son got the answers they were looking for from Reddit.

Hopefully this also settled the issue for the bride.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.