in , , ,

Guy Refuses To Pay For Brother’s Wedding After SIL Excludes His Wife Over Past Falling Out

two men arguing
Westend61/Getty Images

In a since-deleted Reddit post, Redditor RoughArtistic1288 begs a new question, Groomzilla or not?

The Original Poster (OP) explained how he was helping to pay for his brother’s extravagant wedding as a gesture, only to find out his brother’s fiancé took his wife off the invitation list.

The OP confronted his brother about it but the groom refused to budge.

The OP then chose to withdraw his financial generosity, an act that eventually drove him to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

He asked:

“AITA for refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he excluded my wife?”

He went on to explain:

“So here’s the deal. My brother is getting married, and he’s been planning this extravagant wedding that’s way beyond his pay grade.”

“He asked me to help out financially, and because we’re family, I agreed. I’m not exactly rolling in dough, but I’ve done okay for myself, and I wanted to support him.”

“Fast forward to last week, he drops the bomb that my wife isn’t invited. His reason? His fiancée and my wife had a falling out years ago over some petty nonsense, and they haven’t really talked since.”

“I told him that’s ridiculous; it’s water under the bridge, and they’re both adults who can handle being at the same event.”

“He wouldn’t budge. Said it was his fiancée’s day, and she didn’t want any ‘negative energy.’ I argued that it’s also his day, and as his brother, I should be there with my wife.”

“It got heated, and I ended up telling him if my wife isn’t welcome, then he can forget about my financial help.”

“Now, the whole family is blowing up my phone, saying I’m being unreasonable and that I’m ruining what should be the happiest day of his life.”

“They’re all on his side, saying it’s just one day and my wife can suck it up and stay home. But I don’t see why she should be punished for something so trivial that happened ages ago.”

“So, AITA for standing by my wife and pulling my financial support for a wedding we’re being partially excluded from?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:


“‘They’re all on his side, saying it’s just one day and my wife can suck it up and stay home.'”

“It’s just one day: you can stay at home and they can ‘suck it up.’ They can also pay to fund your brother’s vanity project if it means so much to them.” – diminishingpatience

“‘They’re all on his side, saying it’s just one day and my wife can suck it up and stay home'”

“Lol, NTA.”

“Tell them of course, wife is going to be staying home, that’s not a problem. The thing is you and your wife share money, so we won’t be paying for an event where we aren’t wanted.”

“Then say it’s all right, you’re glad your brother made how much he values your family clear so you don’t have to waste thousands of dollars on his wedding.”

“However, if [whatever family member you are talking to] thinks brother deserves money, they can feel free to donate to his wedding fund.”

“‘But they won’t be able to have the wedding of their dreams/their day will be ruined!'”

“Response: It’s just one day, his wife can suck it up.”

“Seriously, this is a blessing in disguise. Now you don’t need to waste your money.”

“Even if he caves, tell him you paying is not on the table as he clearly dosen’t value your marriage so why would you fund his.” – TheHatOnTheCat

“NTA. They’re entitled to exclude who they want. You don’t have to pay towards it. Avoid the wedding. Save the money. Take your wife on a nice holiday with it.” – MerlinBiggs


“It’s ridiculous to ask for your money but refuse to invite your wife.”

“If they don’t want to invite your wife, it’s their right. But no one can really expect you to pay for the wedding then.”

“Tell the family who’s blowing up on you that they can take your spot as generous sponsor.” – Playful_Robot_5599


“The money belongs to your wife as well. If they don’t want her black hole sun vibes ruining their ju-ju, then they especially don’t want to take bad ju-ju money. Hypocrites.” – LeamhAish

“NTA. He can have the ‘happiest day of his life’ on a shoestring budget, and without you.”

“He’s about to swear for richer or poorer. It will be poorer. After all, you’ve already sworn ‘what’s mine is yours’ to your wife, she shouldn’t have to contribute to an event she’s being left out of.”

“I’m not saying it’s true, more as a thought project. But even if your wife was objectively the bad guy and they were excluding her for a legitimate grievance?”

“You still don’t have to support them.” – Natural_Garbage7674

“NTA. Once you are married, your priority should be your spouse. He is asking you to take his priority and put it above your spouse. That’s not how marriage works.”

“Your family is on ‘his side’ because they don’t want to have to contribute $ to his fancy wedding.”

“That money is yours and your wife’s, so he’s basically asking your wife to contribute to an event to which she isn’t welcome.”

“A wedding isn’t a summons. And a contribution to a siblings wedding is not obligatory.”

“Take the funds, and your wife, and go on a nice second honeymoon (so you are conveniently out of the country during the drama).”

“Send your brother and his immature wife a pretty postcard.” – savinathewhite

“NTA. He can do whatever he wants with his day, and you can do whatever you want with your money.”

“Furthermore, paying for his wedding when your wife is not invited, thus enabling him on this stuff, may seriously jepoardise your wedding.” – SirDaeltanFernagdor

“FFS [for f*cks sake] I am so sick of people thinking they are entitled to do/say what they want and think there are no repercussions.”

“Hey sibling, can I have thousands of dollars for my wedding, but your wife can’t come. Then, shocked pikachu face when it’s denied.”

“In what universe would you want to give away your hard earned money when your SO is not invited?”

“As I am getting older, the entitlement of people just piss me off.”

“NTA .” – reddit-readers-rock

“Edit: in the light of the response NTA.”

“It seems like a dumb argument. The wife may have even started it, but grown ups can just politely hate each their in laws from across the room.”

“Especially if they want the other grown pay for their wedding.”

“INFO: What was the petty nonsense years ago?”

“Because it’s markedly different if it was an argument over some salad vs your wife saying Nazi sh*t and the fiancee deciding that’s not on.” – the_lusankya

“NTA. It’s your wife’s money too. Your brother doesn’t understand how marriage works.”

“Also if the family are so sure he should have the big day he can’t afford, why don’t they dig into their wallets?”

“Use the money to go on a splurge weekend with your wife.” – PoppyStaff


“Stick to your Guns.”

“TBH tell him you If your wife is not invited then you won’t be coming either and won’t be helping with money.”

“If I was in your shoes this is what I would do.” – Successful_Bath1200


“But time to be petty. Use the money you were going to use on a nice vacation with wifey. Post every moment on social media for the family to see. Flaunt like no tomorrow.”

“With captions like ‘Best vacation ever with wifey’ ‘Couldn’t have done this trip without a missing invitation'”

“‘Love balling out of control with the wife’ ‘Yolo travels with the wifey. My brother and his gal can eat it lol'” – kapofx

“I dont get it. Asking his brother for the weeding but excluding his wife?”

“Something tells me that your brother and his fiance are more than dumb.”

“Absolutly NTA. You are a package deal and if he choose to uninvite your wife then it’s your choice not to pay.”

“Tell him that’s your wifes money too and because his fiance dont want to have ‘negative energy’ you can’t give him the ‘negative energy money’ to his weeding, haha.”

“Go on a nice trip with your wife on their weddingday. I promise it will be awesome.”

“Wishing you all the best”

“Cheers ✌️” – Consistent-Studio129


“Normally I’d say that the people getting married have the final say, but honestly, refusing to invite one of the people who are bankrolling this…”

“…(even if its your money, your wife is going to be affected) seems beyond the pale”

“‘Now, the whole family is blowing up my phone, saying I’m being unreasonable and that I’m ruining what should be the happiest day of his life.'”

“They can pay for the wedding if they want. I mean seriously, if its split several ways they should be able to do so without breaking the bank.” – squigs

Verdict: Groom and Bridezilla for sure.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)