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Highly Restrictive Eater Frustrated After Boyfriend Keeps Adding Extra Ingredients To Their Meals

Man in his 20s making lunch, cutting bell peppers, using digital tablet with online recipe in kitchen, enjoyment, connection, domestic life.
Compassionate Eye Foundation/Steven Errico/GettyImages

When it comes to food, people can be very specific.

Everyone has a different palette.

Certain types of people love to be adventurous with their meals.

And others like the same old, the same way.

This clash of thinking doesn’t always go over well in a relationship.

Redditor Big-Sheepherder9875 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for being frustrated by my boyfriend adding things to my food?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I get that similar questions have been asked here, but I feel my situation is slightly different.”

“I’m very particular. I may actually be on the spectrum, but I most definitely have O[bsessive], C[ompulsive], D[isorder].”

“My parents were extremely restrictive with food growing up, and I never learned to cook.”

“My B[oy]F[riend] is usually very sweet.”

“He loves cooking.”

“So he does all of the cooking, and I clean up after.”

“Well, we broke up once, and our break up was over a latte he made me.”

“I eat and drink everything in a very specific way and usually don’t like a lot of extra bells and whistles.”

“There were other factors that added to the break up (I wouldn’t dump him over just a latte… lol) but it started the conversation because he made it for me and added a bunch of things I don’t like.”

“I told him that it makes me feel like he thinks he knows what I want/need better than I do.”

“He does it because he, ‘thinks I’ll like it better.'”

“Which, is not true, and I’ve explained this many times.”

“Tonight, he made me ramen.”

“I told him I’d make it myself, but he insisted.”

“He started to list off everything he could put in it, and I told him just eggs and green onion would be enough.”

“I did not want sesame or anything else.”

“Well, he added sesame oil, garlic, and other things, which led to me not liking it.”

“I understand I have no taste, but I just can’t eat food if it’s not a certain way.”

“My brain malfunctions.”

“The sesame gives it a different flavor that makes me feel sick for some reason.”

“I’m not allergic to anything, it’s just that certain flavors and textures are very off-putting to me.”

“So now I’m sitting here, wondering if I should mention it to him again.”

“I don’t want to make him feel unappreciated, but I just don’t understand how I can tell him I have this problem so many times, and he still does this even after I say I don’t like it.”

“Maybe I just need to get over it, and maybe I need to work on my food issues.”

“I definitely need to work on my food issues.”

“But I still think he should consider what I like and take my problem seriously.”

“I’m at a loss for how I can get him to understand this.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“What do you guys think, AITA for being upset that he keeps doing this?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. He doesn’t get to dictate what you eat.”

“Don’t be afraid to be firm and clear.”

“‘Thank you for making dinner! I want x with y and z, please do not add anything else or I cannot and will not eat it.'”

“I hate cheese, so I get a lot of flack for it.”

“How can you hate cheese?”

“Everyone loves cheese.”

“I also hate mayo, sour cream, cream cheese, basically all the tangy dairies.”

“My partner’s taste is way different, but he respects my food boundaries and never tries to feed me things I won’t like.”

“And I don’t feed him what he doesn’t like that I love.”

“It’s basic respect.”

“Your BF needs to understand he’s not going to change you.”

“Whether you wanna work on it is up to you and no one else – but if you’re eating enough, getting proper nutrition, and happy with your diet, you aren’t obligated to try to be ‘normal.'”

“Eat what you love!” ~ McSchneibitz

“I agree completely.”

“I like a lot of different flavors, but I like them to be strong flavors.”

“Especially salt and garlic.”

“My husband doesn’t like strong flavors but likes very spicy.”

“He likes to cook, and I like to eat his cooking because he is a great cook and understands and appreciates what I like—no spicy.”

“If he doesn’t want to make your food the way you like it, tell, don’t ask, tell him to quit cooking for you.”

“Don’t let him bully you into eating food you don’t like.” ~ Radiant_Bowler_2339

“My little brother literally lived on plain chicken and PB&J sandwiches until his 20s.”

“I don’t know what changed. Maybe it was going to college, maybe he was finally sick of bland chicken, but he suddenly just started trying stuff.”

“And learning how to cook.”

“He loves Japanese cooking and taught himself a lot of recipes that he makes for his roommates sometimes.”

“But he did all this on his own time.”

“None of us forced him to try things.” ~ R4eth

“Man, I hate that whole “my taste in food is CORRECT” thing that many people have.”

“‘How can you not like [thing]? You’ve just never had it made properly!'”

“I mean, I like pretty much all foods myself, but at least I understand that not everyone does.”

“Goes the other way too. ‘Ugh, how can you like [food]? That’s just WRONG!'”

“People need to grow tf up and understand that everyone’s food tastes are different.”

“And yeah, I get that people aren’t always entirely serious when they say certain foods are WRONG or that you’re WRONG for not liking them, but I guess I’ve always been self-conscious about eating socially and it hits a nerve.” ~ tiptoe_only

“I’m a 53 (F[emale]) year old Brit that HATES Tea!”

“Which is practically a crime if you’re British! 😂”

“Still to this day, I get odd looks and strong ‘encouragement’ to try it as ‘your tastes change as you get older!'”

“No! No, they do NOT!”

“I have hated Tea since childhood; even the smell makes me nauseous. 🤢”

“I have even resorted to demonstrating the results of drinking Tea in the past (instant vomiting from one sip) to shut people up! 🤦🏼‍♀️”

“Thankfully, I’m older and wiser now, and a firm ‘No thank you’ seems to suffice in most cases! 😅 NTA OP.” ~ Quadess

“NTA. ‘I told him that it makes me feel like he thinks he knows what I want/need better than I do.'”

“That’s exactly what he thinks.”

“He even admits it, as you quite in your next sentence: ‘He does it because he ‘thinks I’ll like it better.'”

“This isn’t something you need to ‘get over’ – you’re free to eat, or not eat, whatever you want.”

“You’re an adult, so you get to decide.”

“Not your BF.”

“He’s shown that he doesn’t care about your opinion, or at least, not as much as his own opinion.”

“You’ve already discussed this with him before, multiple times, so I can’t recommend just trying to make him see your side.”

“Instead, you have to consider: Is it worth being with someone who values your opinion so little?” ~ jedirieb

“NTA. You straight up have a BF problem.”

“He is disrespecting you.”

“You have told him multiple times that this is an issue for you, yet he still does it.”

“He doesn’t care.”

“He has you believing that this is a you problem when it is a him problem.”

“I think you have a choice to make.”

“Either he straightens up and flies right from now on (no messing with your food), period.”

“Or you’re done. And mean it.”

“Or, if you’ve already had enough, just tell him you’re done.”

“But really mean it.” ~ Global_Look2821

“NTA. My ex was the chef in my relationship and would secretly add minced pork and beef to my pasta or burgers.”

“I found out and was furious.”

“I made my stance clear I was trying to cut down on meat to become a vegetarian, which I was for years.”

“He hated it.”

“It was controlling and thoughtless.”

“I made all my own meals after that, and he had to start paying for his own groceries.” ~ Individual-Rush-6927

“NAH – it sounds like you have ARFID, and he doesn’t understand the depth of it.”

“To be honest, I’d hate cooking for someone with that level of restriction on favor, and you’re probably better off doing your own food prep individually.” ~ MomofSlayers

“NTA… you’ve told him directly many times, and he isn’t respecting your preferences.”

“If he asked you to try sending a new one and made it, that’s fine.”

“But constantly disregarding you and deciding that you’d like it better a different way than he asked is disrespectful and controlling.”

“You need to talk to him again.”

“And take action to no longer let him cook for you.”

“You don’t want him to think you don’t appreciate his efforts, but in fact, there is nothing to appreciate if he’s going to push food onto you that you don’t like.” ~ Suitable_cataclysm

“NTA. You are completely entitled to eat your food the way you want.”

“It doesn’t really matter why you dislike something.”

“He doesn’t get to make you eat something just because he thinks it’s better.”

“It’s pretty disrespectful of him to change things on you.”

“It’s one thing if you asked for the ramen w/o specifying what to put in it.”

“However, you did specify very specifically, and he STILL did it his way.” ~ edwadokun

“Yes. Definitely work on your food issues, including learning how to cook some basics.”

“Just as if not more importantly, have a sit down and come to Jesus’ discussion one more time.”

“Make it clear this is the absolute last time you’re going to tell him about this, and he needs actually to listen and hear what you’re saying.”

“He’s free to prepare and eat things the way he likes, but you will not be partaking.”

“Period. NTA.” ~ Anxious-Routine-5526

“Mess with my ramen?”

“Nah, man. NTA.” ~ Dszquphsbnt

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

You like what you like and for specific reasons.

It’s not a bad thing to stand your ground, even with food.

Maybe y’all could have a serious sitdown, and you can explain.

Good luck.