Holidays just aren't the same as people age.
Traditions change all the time.
Kids become adults and have kids of their own.
Parents divorce and live apart.
The holidays are malleable.
That fact doesn't always go over well.
Redditor Pitiful_Addendum3764 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for choosing to spend Christmas at home with my husband and toddler, making my sister feel like Christmas is 'ruined?'"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Ever since I can remember, my family has spent Christmas together."
"However, I now have a husband and a toddler (turning 3 soon)."
"This year, my husband and I decided it’s time to start our own family traditions."
"We want to spend Christmas Eve just the three of us at home, but we offered to visit my family on the 25th or 26th."
"My mother is completely understanding. "
"She actually expected this and did the same thing when she was a young mother. "
"Plus, she is in a relationship, so she won't be alone at all."
"However, my sister is taking it incredibly hard."
"She isn't acting out of malice, but she is deeply sad and acting like a stubborn child."
"She shut down and told my mother that if we are not celebrating together on Christmas Eve, 'it won't be Christmas at all' for her this year."
"Here is the thing that confuses me the most: My sister herself is newly married."
"Both she and my mother are in happy relationships, so nobody is being left isolated or alone on Christmas Eve. "
"Yet, my sister is reacting as if I am destroying the entire holiday."
"Her reaction is giving me a massive guilt trip."
"I feel like it's a natural step to build your own traditions with your child, but seeing her so heartbroken makes me second-guess myself."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for sticking to my plan?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Literally all your sister has done is commented on being sad to your mom."
"She's just adjusting to the change; don't turn this into a problem."
"It doesn't need to be one. NAH." ~ BeholdTheseComics
"Agreed, she’s just mourning the end of an era, which is pretty relatable when families start branching off to build their own traditions."
"OP is definitely NTA." ~ queen_melisande_1
"Fully agree."
"However, I am really confused as to why the mother would be stirring the pot by relaying this back to OP."
"Like, why gossip like this?"
"Makes me wonder about mom’s motivations and what the true reaction is from the sister." ~ Trillian_B
"Yes. And OP got to bring her new husband to the family Christmas Eve and celebrate as a newlywed in the way they always have, and sister won't get to do that."
"That doesn't mean OP needs to cave."
"I don't totally understand why they can't do Christmas Eve together and then go home and have a lovely Christmas morning, which is the most important time if you do Santa and all of that (maybe OP isn't doing that)."
"Extended family Christmas Eve seems more workable and ideal than Christmas, but everyone is different, and OP gets to decide." ~ cofffeegrrrl
"Your sister hasn’t done anything except express her feelings about a situation to her mother."
"There are NAH because no one has done anything wrong or anything deserving of that title." ~ PrpleSparklyUnicrn13
"NAH. It’s natural when you have started your own family, particularly when you have kids, to want to start your own traditions, and a big one is being able to wake up with your child in your own home on Christmas Day."
"However, there is a natural transition period from your own childhood family traditions to starting your own traditions with your partner/children."
"It took you almost 3 years after having a child to make that transition."
"Your sister is not in the same phase of life as you."
"She is still where you were 4+ years ago - with a husband, but still happily maintaining those family traditions she’s known her whole life."
"To have someone else decide for you that those traditions are no more and you’re expected to just get over it and move on is a big deal, and it’s natural for her to have feelings about the situation. "
"You got to come to that conclusion in your own time."
"She has not." ~ kiwifarmdog
"NAH. She was probably looking forward to her first Christmas Eve with her new husband, doing the usual family traditions and sharing them with him."
"Now that’s changing, and she wasn’t ready."
"She’s not TA for feeling a bit melancholy." ~ RealTalkFastWalk
"NAH. Your sister is newly married and was looking forward to a big family Christmas."
"She was looking forward to doing the thing you guys have always done and simply told her mother that it won’t feel like Christmas with the tradition changed."
"That’s an ok feeling to have."
"How she handles it is what would make her an AH."
"But just telling her mom she’s sad and wants to do the tradition is ok."
"It’s also totally understandable you want to do your own thing at home."
"I genuinely don’t blame you. "
"Your kid deserves to have family traditions with you and your husband."
"It unfortunately means you and your sister are at stages where you want different things."
"No one is wrong."
"Everyone just needs to be respectful of the choices made."
"I want to add that I don’t think your sister has any right to be mean or cruel to you, but please keep in mind she is excited for something you got."
"You got to be the new bride with the whole family around you for your first Christmas married."
"But because you got married and had a kid before your sister, she won’t get that experience."
"You didn’t step back from the family tradition when you were newly married, so please remember your sister isn’t wanting something unusual. "
"If she has kids, she’s going to understand the feelings you have this year."
"Right now you’re the only sister who’s been in the other sister’s shoes." ~ angel2hi
"NAH. I don’t think your sister is giving you a guilt trip."
"She hasn’t actually said a word to you about her feelings, so if this was an attempt to make you feel bad to manipulate your behavior, she’s doing a terrible job."
"Her sadness doesn’t exist to make you feel guilty."
"She’s allowed to be sad and not be blamed for your feelings about it."
"Why your mother repeated this conversation, I do not know!" ~ ExistenceOfCranberry
"NAH, but your sister isn't guilt-tripping you; she's said nothing to you at all and is just feeling down about the end of the tradition."
"I'm sure it would be a little different if it had been mentioned that last year was the last year you would be participating in that tradition."
"It's a bummer for her, and you're bummed that you've bummed her."
"Everyone will live." ~ chickwithabrick
"NAH. You're not wrong to want to start your own traditions with your spouse and child, but neither is your sister wrong to be sad when a tradition that was clearly important to her is suddenly changed without her having a say in it."
"It sounds like your sister hasn't said anything to you but has voiced her sadness to your mom- she's entitled to do that; she isn't making any demands on you by talking to her mom about how she feels."
"Make your plans for Christmas Eve and don't get sucked into something that isn't even a problem."
"Give your sister time to process and make her own Christmas Eve plans."
"Don't make a fight out of nothing here; just take a step back and let everyone process!" ~ 3kidsnomoney---
"NAH, but you're making the classic mistake of getting married and having kids and slowly cutting off all other things, which you will regret in the long run when your friends have stopped calling, and your family hardly does anything together anymore, and you're just sitting around bored with your husband and kid all day all year."
"A child doesn't have to mean you 'make your own family traditions'; it can also mean bringing your child into your established family traditions."
"At least that's what my giant family has always done." ~ Ok_Theory_1323
"You’re NTA. BUT... this depends HUGELY on your family dynamic."
"In my family… It would make you the AH."
"Your mom seems to agree with it; it mustn’t be a HUGE ordeal for your family, just your sister."
"Personally, I have my own family already. "
"And kept the traditions of family Christmas Eve... but if my little sister got married and decided all of a sudden she was changing our tradition."
" I think everyone in my family would have an issue with it."
"She won’t do that… but just using that as an example."
"It should be noted... we celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve... Christmas is just for kids to open gifts and maybe occasional gathering at our grandma's." ~ Monet1366
"NAH. It's probably hard for her to imagine a different type of Christmas with no little ones."
"But she just needs some time to adjust."
"It's totally normal and healthy to want to have your Christmas with your own little family."
"Christmas morning is a sacred time in my house, just the four of us."
"I'm sure it will be fine!" ~ kerrbear535
Reddit understands your feelings, OP.
You have a family of your own now.
You want to have traditions.
Your sister is going to have to learn to adapt.
Happy Holidays!
