Doing favors for close friends is common in a friendship.
People give of themselves when they can.
But some friends can't seem to not take advantage.
Expecting or demanding favors doesn't often go over well.
Redditor u/candystreet wanted to share her experience and get feedback, so she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for not wanting to lose sleep to drive someone elses kid to work?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Got a text from a friend telling me I’d be picking her kid up and taking her to work starting tomorrow."
"Didn’t ask, told me."
"Her daughter (18 F[emale]) just got her first job at the warehouse where I (38 F) work as a pick packer."
"I’m stoked for her, but I’m not keen on being expected to chauffeur her to work every day."
"She doesn’t have a license, and the buses don’t run early enough for our 4 AM start."
"I said yes to tomorrow, but I’m pretty sure this is going to become an ongoing thing."
"She’s out of my way, I’d have to leave 15-20 mins earlier every day, and I’m up at 2:40AM as it is."
"That extra 15-20 minutes of sleep is EVERYTHING to me."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA if I tell my friend I’ll help out tomorrow but I’m not doing daily lifts?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Tell your friend she will need to drop off her daughter at your house by x time if she wants a ride into work." ~ dncrmom
"100% this."
"My dad would drive a bunch of neighborhood friends to school with me growing up."
"The rule was to get to the house before 6:45 a.m., or we were leaving without whoever wasn't there by then."
"None of the kids or parents had any issue with this." ~ willfauxreal
"This is 100% the way to go about it, u/candystreets -- The friend's daughter not having a license is not your problem, and the public transportation schedule is also not your problem."
"There's no reason you should have to accommodate your schedule and routine around her."
"If she wants a ride to work, she has to change her routine around you."
"Not the other way around."
Your friend needs to either drop the daughter off at your house or pay for her to take an Uber to your house.
"And if the girl DOES get dropped off at your house, being late is unacceptable."
"Say from the get-go that you leave your home at X time."
"If she's not there by that time, she's SOL. NTA." ~ mew5175_TheSecond
"NTA. If you are feeling generous, Friend can deliver her daughter to your driveway at YOUR preferred time, and she can catch a ride in with you."
"But you're not going to wait if she's late."
"Then, Friend can come pick up her daughter from your place at the end of the shift." ~ CrankyWife
"I bet friend will have a million sad reasons she can't interrupt her own sleep to take daughter over there."
"And oh yeah, OP's going there ANYWAY."
"What's an extra 15 minutes?"
"Friend may miss an HOUR of sleep!"
Friend has decided that HER inconvenience is worse than OP's and therefore OP should be the one to sacrifice."
"She's apparently forgetting the fact that she birthed the child from her loins, not OP."
"Sacrifices shouldn't be coming from OP's side, at least not without express permission."
"NTA for sure!" ~ Beanz4ever
"OP, do not have the friend pick up the daughter at your place under any circumstances."
"Since she's saving 100% on gas, charge her 50% for the ride to work, and she can pick up the daughter at work."
"Or you can charge her more to bring the daughter home, or she can take the bus."
"Do not bring the daughter to your house after work."
"It will very quickly turn into her mother not picking her up within a reasonable time frame, which will escalate to asking you to make her daughter dinner and whatever other bullsh*t pops into her head."
"She has already shown she doesn't respect your time and will absolutely push as far as she can if you let her." ~ Gimetulkathmir
"There should also be an expectation to contribute to gas, all part of being an adult."
"In my early 20s, a colleague drove me to work; she had to drive past my house anyway."
"She made it very clear that if I were not on the corner at the set time, she would not stop and wait for me."
"She drove past me only once."
"I was never late for pick-up again."
"I may have put my makeup on in her car, and finished my breakfast, but I was never late." ~ disapprovingfox
"Hi Barbara."
"I leave my house to get to work at 3:30 AM."
"If you would like me to drive Allison to work, please drop her at my house by 3:30 AM sharp."
"If she argues with you, you can try..."
"I will not be getting up earlier than I already do to pick up Allison at your house."
"If you would like me to drop Allison at work, you'll need to get her to my house by 3:30 AM sharp."
"If she's not here by then, I will be leaving without her." ~ Cold_Activity1092
"I used to carshare to get to work."
"Not only did I have to walk nearly half an hour every morning to meet them somewhere they were already going past, but I also contributed towards gas/wear and tear."
"Since it's your friend's daughter, maybe a discount, but I think she should still pay her way even if she gets dropped off at yours."
"You're still losing time alone and the ability to schedule only for yourself." ~ ChapterTerrific
"Dont set yourself up like that."
"She just told you that's what's happening."
"She didn't have the respect to even ask."
"You will also be expected to drop her back off because, let's face it, she won't be picking her up."
"She's NOT your friend, and you actually owe her NOTHING."
"They should have figured out transportation for her when applying for the job, not expecting someone else to shoulder the cost and inconvenience." ~ WitchThorn24
"NTA. She didn’t ask you; she assigned you." ~ selizea
"NTA - you're already being kinder than you have to be; it was incredibly rude of her to TELL you that you'd be doing this instead of asking."
"If it were me, I'd tell her no, just to teach her not to sign me up for things without asking." ~ Anonymous_Sad_Person
"NTA. Never allow someone to make THEIR problem YOUR problem."
"This is absolutely not your problem."
"You live independently and work hard."
"You do not need to take on this extra responsibility, which is already causing you unnecessary stress."
"Either the teenager makes her own way to your house, or she figures it out for herself."
"She can borrow her Mum’s car or buy a cheap old car or whatever."
"OR find a job she can actually get to on her own steam!" ~ KazziGirl
"If you are in fact willing to drive this kid to work in the AMs if she is dropped off at your house ongoing, you need to have a conversation with her about expectations (will not wait if late, etc.) and also explain that you will have random days off or be sick and she will need to have a backup plan for those days- they don't get to guilt you into not taking time off as you want." ~ juicer42
"Of course you will be delighted to give her a lift."
"Her parents need to make sure she is at your house 5 minutes before your leaving time, and collect her at X time at the end of the day."
"Plus, there will be a XX charge for fuel."
"You will not go out of your way to collect her or drop her off, and it will not be free."
"NTA, but only if you stick to your guns and don't become a doormat." ~ Bumfuzzled101
"NTA. You are so kind for agreeing to do that for the first day; when you drop the poor girl back off at home, be sure to tell your 'friend' that this was a one-time thing and you are not going to be doing it again."
"Hold firm." ~ captainkappa173
"One compromise might be you telling mom you will take her, but only if mom drops her off at your house by a certain time AND she has to chip in for gas money every week."
"If she's late, you're leaving because you can't be late. NTA." ~ dragonsandvamps
"NTA whatsoever."
"It’s bonkers to me how entitled some people can be."
"I’d tell her flat out that this WILL NOT be a regular thing."
"If you’re feeling magnanimous, you can tell your friend her daughter can be dropped at your place by X time (whenever you normally leave), with gas money, and you can drive her."
"But it is absolutely outrageous for her to expect a free ride out of your way every day." ~ High-Incident-1919
"I would tell your friend that you’ve got other plans for tomorrow and she needs to figure out a way to get her own child to work."
"Because obviously she’s going to say, You did it once; why can’t you do it again?"
"And this should cure her of telling you that you’re going to take her child to work. NTA." ~ Effective-Several
Reddit is with you, OP.
First of all, it's rude that your friend didn't ask; she just informed you.
You have every right to protect your sleep.
You do what's best for you.
Good Luck.
